


Sleeping in a War

by eleboppers



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Canonical Character Death, Captain Sakura, Concerned Shikamaru, Confessions, Considerate Shikamaru, Descriptions of Medical Healing, F/M, Flashbacks, Fourth Shinobi War, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Late Night Conversations, Longer Fourth Shinobi War, Mild Gore, Mission Related, Nightmares, Ninjutsu, No major character deaths, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Panic Attacks, Poison, Rating May Change, Sakura Likes Shikamaru's Intelligence, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, The Fourth Shinobi War Lasts Longer Than a Few Days, War, insecure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 06:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11285568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleboppers/pseuds/eleboppers
Summary: The war has been raging on for weeks. Weeks of wounded and she's barely seen anyone. Reports are varied and unclear as to where her friends are fighting. Frustrated with not being of more use, Sakura takes matters into her own hands with unforeseen consequences. Nights are filled with terrors and days with waking nightmares as she fights for her life and the lives of her comrades in arms. All she wants is a little rest and some assurance that her stupid teammates aren't lying dead in a ditch somewhere.Shikamaru is under pressure, each dot on the map is a life, is a squadron of people sent to fight, sent to their fates. He's tired, they're all tired, resting is never enough. But now he's waking up in the middle of the night to cries in the dark and the face of a friend and it's possibly exactly what he needs to get out of his own head.





	1. Leading Medic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is not beta'd. If you notice a grammatical error, let me know. Enjoy!

There was a miscalculation. There wasn’t supposed to be anyone in that area. They should _not_ have had to go this way. She was most definitely _not_ supposed to be _leading_ anyone into this. This whole thing was supposed to be _over_ by now.

But there was an ambush waiting for them where _nobody_ was supposed to be. They were forced to turn and run. She had to take over when the neck of their captain was ripped in half. Now nobody knew where they were and this was definitely _not_ over.

The cruel hand of fate had given them the tiniest bit of luck in the form of a large, damp, musty, but beautifully hidden cavern. There the six remaining members of the former support squadron sat and stood around in silence, nursing their wounds.

In the middle of the dripping cave, the only remaining female member crouched over a man with a hole in his side. The soft green glow of the healing chakra knitting flesh back together was the only light in the darkness.

She finished healing the shinobi, making sure that he would sleep for a while longer. The green glow disappeared from the cavern, plunging them once more into darkness. Silence enveloped them all. Not a word was uttered as the four other conscious shinobi stared into the dark, waiting, waiting for _her_ to say something, waiting for her to _do_ something. There were so many factors to consider.

Firstly, their captain had been carrying their communication scrolls. Not that they would have done them much good; they weren’t meant to travel this far and the scrolls had been intended for short-range. Katsuyu also was useless to her in this situation and she wouldn’t summon her to enemy territory when there was no use in sending a squadron after them just to add to the casualty lists.

Then there was the issue of having next to no idea where the enemy currently was. She wasn’t sure how far off course they had strayed but she was certain that they were now definitely in enemy territory.

And lastly, one of the members of her squadron was currently injured and not in a position to travel until he was conscious. This meant they couldn’t move without leaving him behind or splitting up, neither of which were an option.

For now, her top priority was for all of them to recover and survive.

She straightened and stood, catching the attention of everyone in the cave, her hands balled into fists at her side.

“We need to recover, I want a stock of what we have for supplies and I need any information you can recall about terrain, enemy positions and any ideas about our current position. Someone needs to watch him until he wakes up.” Her voice was stronger than she had thought it would be. Two people behind her moved forwards, one sitting beside the injured shinobi as the other gathered up the packs they had been carrying.

Sakura watched them in the darkness, her chakra enhancing her vision slightly as she forced herself to stay calm.

A glance around told her who had made it out of the fight. The injured shinobi was a scout that had been sent with them, he would have knowledge about the area so it was a good thing he was going to live.

The shinobi gathering the packs had been a late addition to their group, she didn’t know him but she knew he wasn’t from Konoha.

Another was a medic, also not from Konoha and not nearly as skilled as her, though she could hardly be critical of anyone's skills during a war.

The last two were Chunin she recognized as being from Konoha. She remembered seeing them around the Tower occasionally and had treated them both at the hospital a few times before the war.

Six shinobi out of their original twelve had survived. _“Tetsuo wasn’t one of them.”_

Their captain, Tetsuo, had been from Suna, a Jonin in his late twenties. The squadron had been put together four days ago and he, as a decently ranked Jonin, was the best available option for captain. They were a support squadron of medics and recruits meant to assist a forwards encampment who had sent for aid after reporting a spike in casualties coming in from the front lines.

Sakura took a shaky breath, closing her green eyes as she felt a wave of guilt rush over her. She hadn’t been able to save him like she hadn’t been able to save so many others since this damn war had started. They just kept slipping through the cracks.

There was no true way to stop all of the pain or to shut out all of the guilt so she allowed herself a moment after every one she lost, just a moment of pain and then she let it go. Tsunade had taught her long ago that internalizing it and pushing it aside was just as bad as letting it consume you and as a medic, as a kunoichi, she could do neither.  

But this time the guilt wasn’t just for losing comrades. It was for the fact that she had joined this squadron and had told no one of her orders.

The medics at the third division’s main encampment were under Shizune’s guidance and she was the only one who knew Sakura was gone. It was only meant to be for a few days. Heal the worst of the wounded, set up a new procedure for the medics and then return to the main camp. Those were her orders.

She had volunteered for this mission. The encampment that had sent a request for aid was behind the front lines where many of the Konoha shinobi had been diverted. There hadn’t been word from many of her friends in weeks; messages were too risky in war. All she heard were rumors and snippets about who was where and who was leading what attack or providing support.

Her division, the third division, was spread around the fighting but most of that division had been recently sent to recover back at the main encampment after providing support for a particularly large frontal assault. She too had been moved back to the main encampment to heal some high priority cases with Shizune and had been there for the past two weeks.

It was a mixture of concerned interest in the well-being of her friends and the need to get out of the main encampment that had lead her to request to assist the medics at the forwards encampment instead of sending someone else. Shizune was hesitant to send her but had eventually agreed since the serious cases had all been taken care of.

She had left without saying goodbye to anyone. Even though she knew that a group of Konoha shinobi, including Gai and Rock Lee, were returning to the main encampment the morning that she was to leave; she left without a word. It was foolish thinking for a war where she could die at any moment. 

Now she was cut off from them. _“The forwards encampment is expecting us tomorrow. When we don’t show will they send out a search team? They might send messages back to the main encampment first. The main encampment might send out a team and they might find where we were ambushed a day or two later. But how far will they search? How many people can they spare? We have to find a way to make it to the forwards encampment. The closer we get, the better chance we have of running into one of our shinobi instead of one of theirs.”_

“Haruno-san, we’ve finished assessing the supplies.” The soft voice of the young man was a welcome intrusion into her worrisome and complicated thoughts. Her eyes alighted on him and the two others standing silently behind him with their packs.

“What do we have?” His gaze moved upwards as he recounted everything.

“Enough food and soldier pills for a week, but our water supplies are limited to five days. Most of the medical supplies scrolls are here since they were in your pack. But the communication scrolls are…gone.” Sakura nodded at his nervous admission, she had known that the moment the captain had been killed.

So they had five days to get out of here, it was longer than she had expected and she was slightly relieved. “Ah- we also have a map. None of the positions are marked but it’s something at least.” Sakura’s head whipped towards him. A map! The man noticed her expression and turned to accept the map from the hands of another shinobi.

“Shine a light on this but keep it dim.” The blond haired man who had been speaking with her about the supplies unfurled the map as another dug around in his pocket to produce a lighter. Sakura blinked at the sudden intrusion of light but immediately began to scan the map. “The main encampment for the third division is here—” She circled a section of land with her finger, glad that she had been allowed in a few strategy meetings and that she knew the locations of the important encampments. “—and the forwards camp we were travelling to is here.” Again her finger circled a section of the map, much smaller this time. Between the two lay the stretch of land they had been travelling when they were ambushed. “We were ambushed around here…” She trailed off as her eyes searched the map. The taller of the two Konoha Chunin leaned forwards slightly and pointed out a marker on the map that indicated a stream.

“We crossed over a stream. That one there is northeast from the ambush so that’s most likely the one we crossed.” Sakura looked to where he was pointing, scanning the map for any geographical regions that could possibly allow caves like the one they were currently standing in. “Based on our pace, my best guess is that we are somewhere near here. It was about a two hour run.” He continued, circling an area that was not at all where Sakura wanted to be.

The area in question was in a pocket of enemy controlled territory that they had been trying to crush for a while. The issue was that the forces contained in that particular sector had no central camp or clear leader. Roaming teams of the enemy were scattered around and would attack small envoys and squadrons but leave the larger forces untouched. From their scouting efforts they had determined that many of the smaller teams would join together to take on squadrons and then disband once they had done so. It made them unpredictable and very difficult to track.

There was little doubt that it had been a few of these teams that had taken them by surprise. It fit their mode of operation to a tee. What worried her now was how far away from their usual area of attack they had strayed.

On one hand, they might have been tipped off about their envoy as soon as they left the main encampment. On the other hand, they may have simply been in the right place to see them and had gotten lucky. Either way, they were far from their usual range. Now she had concerns about their movements that she desperately wanted to bring to the person in charge of the forwards encampment.

“Alright so if we’re somewhere near here, what’s our best route to get to the forwards camp?” The men around her regarded the map with serious expressions.

“The terrain’s easiest this way but that would make us vulnerable.” The taller Konoha Chunin drew a line near the stream and back, similar to the way they came. The man to his right, the medic, shook his head.

“It’s too obvious, the easiest route is always watched closely and we don’t have enough of us to deal with another ambush.” Sakura agreed with him. While she could hold her own in a fight, an ambush was a different story. She could most likely survive, but the others? She doubted they’d make it and they had already lost too many.

Behind her she heard movement and turned to see the injured scout awake and sitting up with the assistance of the shorter Chunin from Konoha. He looked like hell but she’d seen people bounce back from much worse. His hands moved to the side that she had recently healed, feeling the place where a gaping hole had previously been while turning his head to take in where he was. She walked over to where he was sitting, kneeling down with a stern expression. He needed to rest but at that moment getting his help was more important.

“How are you feeling?” She questioned, her chakra filled hand reaching out to assess his internal organs once more now that he was conscious. The man gave a small grunt.

“Alive.” Sakura’s face contorted into a pained look for a brief moment as she pulled back her hand. She’d heard that response one too many times in her life for her liking.

 _“Oh the creativity of wounded shinobi.”_ Turning her head, she motioned the rest of them over. “Give him the map.” They did so immediately, arranging themselves around both her and the scout while holding out the lighter so they could see everything clearly. “We think we’re here and we need to get to the forwards camp.” Sakura pointed to the map twice, indicating the two positions.

“I know this area is full of the enemy and confrontation is not an option with our current numbers. What I don’t know is the terrain and the best way to avoid the enemy. I was hoping you could help us with that.” The scout stared at the map, a frown etched onto his features.

“I’ve done reconnaissance in this area, but not a lot. We’re in a good spot now but it’ll be difficult getting to the forwards camp without doubling back a bit.” He ran his finger along an invisible path. “If we head southwest from here we’ll avoid a group that’s been camping around here.” He tapped what was listed on the map as a craggy rock outcropping. “The problem is that we’ll be exposed here for about ten minutes.” He tapped an open pocket of land. Sakura’s brow furrowed, ten minutes was a long time to be exposed in enemy territory.

“Is there not another way through here?” One of the Chunin pointed towards a hook shaped section of rock near the stream. The scout shook his head.

“The terrain there is worse for exposure and cuts close to where we’ve seen enemy scouts before. Our best chance is to take the southwestern route then cross the stream and parallel the path we were originally on. They won’t expect us there twice. That’s close enough that if we can get to here – ” He drew an arc with his finger near to the location of the forwards encampment. “—we’ll probably live.” Sakura observed the path as everyone took in the information. It was her call and she saw no other option. She didn’t have enough knowledge of the area to contradict the scout’s claims.

With a sigh she nodded. “Alright, we’ll rest here tonight and tomorrow then try for it tomorrow night. We’ll be less exposed in the dark. How long will it take to get to the forwards camp?” Again she looked to the scout.

“It depends on how fast we move and how many times we have to divert to avoid conflict. If we’re not killed; eight hours hard running.”  Sakura didn’t like the sound of any of it but it was their only chance. The men around her glanced at the scout with looks that echoed what she was thinking. They weren’t likely to be running anywhere at top speed.

“How long will it take if we aren’t running full speed?” The scout lifted his head to look at her. His dark eyes looked especially tired in the dim light of the lighter’s flame. She recognized his expression; mouth pulled in at the corners, brows knit together, he knew he was the weak link.

“Only an hour or so more.” Sakura nodded. It would have been better if they could rest for the next two days but they didn’t have that luxury. They needed to move before their luck ran out and before their encampments sent out search parties. True, the scout was still wounded, but she’d repaired most of the damage. He could travel but she knew the remnants of the wound would bother him.

Slim fingers pulled her hair back behind her ears, catching on pink tangles as she stood once more. “We’ll set up a watch near the start of the cave, don’t go too close to the entrance and keep your chakra suppressed. I’ll take first watch.” The men around her nodded, moving towards the packs to get set up for the night. The man with the lighter clicked it shut and plunged the cavern back into darkness as Sakura turned to head towards the mouth of the cave.

Dripping water splashed onto the back of her neck as quiet footfalls and murmured voices drifted up the cavern to her ears. A natural alcove hewn from the cold stone was where she sat, trying her best to avoid the annoying drips coming from the ceiling. The musty and damp smell was lessened up here and the light better, a dull illumination instead of oppressive darkness.

Her mind drifted back to the ambush as she quietly watched a stream of water slide across the jagged rocks beneath her sandals. It had been so quick, so brutal. There had been no chakra signals detectable, no warning or sounds of any kind, just a volley of kunai sending everyone into defensive positions.

Her green eyes were vacant as she saw the scene unfold again in her mind.

The captain was pushing them to reach the encampment by midday tomorrow. She and the other medics were traveling in the middle of the formation with the other shinobi arranged around them in a protective circle. Soft padding noises from their sandals touching the ground were muffled, but to her, every sound in this war seemed augmented tenfold.

It wasn’t like her to be so jittery. But since she had been back at the main encampment, her sleeping patterns had been horrendous. She slept when she could, where she could, but creeping nightmares consumed her and left her awake and overtly alert even during daylight hours. It was for this reason that every time a branch snapped or a bird flew out of the trees, she tensed for battle.  

The wind whipping her pink locks away from her face made it difficult for her to hear much of what was going on around her, but that in itself set her even more on edge.

 _Something_ didn’t feel right. Was the air too still, or was their formation skewed? She didn’t know. Instead of being paranoid she focused on the back of the captain who was running directly in front of her.

His Suna uniform was familiar and comforting, the drab color and outline set her mind at ease and forced her to focus on running. It worked for a while but then the prickling on the back of her neck returned and screamed of danger. She opened her mouth to speak, to tell the captain that something wasn’t right, when a volley of kunai shot out from the trees, glinting in the sunlight and slicing into the shoulder of one of the men to her left.

Instantly they were on the defensive. She spun and crouched, her eyes darting around the trees.

She heard them, watched as figures came pouring from the trees mere moments after the initial attack. They were set upon instantaneously and the sounds of battle quickly filled the silent air.

A man came at her from the left and she parried with a chakra filled punch, spinning to avoid his swinging blade as she feinted right and caught his arm in a crushing grip. His cries of agony sent him to the ground and left him open long enough for her to land a hit with her other hand that shattered his sternum. He crumpled without another sound. She spun around instantly at the sound of someone on her right, blocking another attack and returning with quick punches and a solid kick that sent him flying.

A second’s reprieve showed her that they were outnumbered and some of her comrades already lay unresponsive on the ground. Her captain was barking orders a few feet to her right while the medics around her were fighting their own battles, all on the defensive and badly outmatched.

Sakura dodged a blade sent straight for her head, dropping into a low crouch before setting eyes on the man charging for her. She darted left as he aimed a kunai at her heart and circled to his right, spinning and parrying his attack with a kunai of her own clutched in her left hand. The clash of metal on metal grated on her ears as did the sickening crunch she heard behind her as another of her comrades fell.

Her kunai struck his arm as he spun out of her reach, she gained the offensive and launched at him with her teeth bared. The force of her chakra enhanced fist sent him sprawling across the ground. One of her comrades darted towards him and swiftly plunged a blade into his heart before engaging with another enemy.

They were losing ground, immediately her eyes darted to her captain, intent on calling for a retreat. She was met with the sight of his throat being split by a sword wielded by a burly shinobi. A mess of crimson spilled from his neck as his head fell back and his mouth and eyes went wide with a garbled scream. He fell backwards to the ground, the flow of blood gushing around the exposed flesh as Sakura stood rooted to the spot.

They had to get out of here. Her mind kicked into overdrive as she spun from the dead body of her captain. “Fall back! Move!” Fury and fear mixed in her shout as her comrades disengaged and began to backtrack.

With a roar she plunged her hand into the earth, shattering it in a wide circle that sent the enemy reeling long enough for her comrades to disengage and flee. The popping and subsequent fireballs of the exploding tags being tossed by one of her comrades instantly filled the battleground with heat and smoke, giving them time to run.

They ran in the first open direction, the only open direction. Behind them the shouts of the enemy were growing once more as Sakura led what was left of the team she was now in charge of on a mad dash away from the pursuing enemy. They zigzagged their way through unfamiliar territory, her eyes looking for somewhere, anywhere for them to hide. The shouting stopped behind them but they continued on their frenzied flight. Her legs flew beneath her, adrenaline coursing through her like liquid fire, burning her skin, pounding in her ears and pumping furiously through her veins.

She dropped from a craggy cliff, sprinting across water and past trees and rocks that were foreign and ominous. The men around her were keeping pace, one member being pulled along by two others. Beneath them their legs were stretching and pushing them forwards faster than Sakura had ran in weeks.

It was hours, ages before she spotted a place for them to stop, to hide. She slowed, her legs protesting as the adrenaline had worn off long before though her mind and chakra had forced her onwards. They slipped into the hole she had spotted one by one. The last man falling as another slung him over his shoulder and carried him inside, blood seeping onto the back of his flak jacket.


	2. Caves Aren't For Shinobi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to ask-multisaku who made the art that initially inspired me to try my hand at writing one of my favorite pairings, shikasaku. ♥

Sakura rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand. It had been hours since the attack. She had healed the pain in her overexerted leg muscles almost instantly but the true exhaustion of the ordeal was only now overtaking her. She’d been too focused on escaping, healing the injured scout, forming a plan. But now, now she was tired.

No matter how tired she was there was no rest in this war, no true reprieve from the darkness they were fighting. It was non-stop strategizing, orders, fighting, and wounded. Enough to make even the most energetic people crack a bit around the seams.

Nights meant for sleeping were replaced with creeping horrors as suppressed memories and fears broke through the cracks in her armor. Before the war her nightmares were few, but since the war started they’d been steadily getting worse. How could she fight during the day when she had no sleep?

It was pills that replaced the dreams, replaced everything with nothingness until the cycle repeated. More pills provided energy when the others failed and she needed to be alert.

Wounded poured in, healed shinobi poured back out. Her skills were not diminished but her nights remained sleepless.

Shaky hands dug into her knees as she took a steadying breath. It was alright to have nightmares, all shinobi dealt with them, in their profession nightmares were often more common than normal dreams.

But in a war, there was no place for weakness. Having nightmares that kept you awake when people’s lives depended on you being rested was not an option. It frustrated her to her very core that she could feel such weakness when she was physically one of the strongest shinobi alive.

Yet here, in the dripping hole in the ground in enemy territory, she felt like a rabbit hiding in a fox den. Knowing she could be caught, hoping if she stayed still she would remain unseen, and knowing that if she didn’t get out soon she would be killed.

She let this wash over her for a moment before scrunching up her face in anger, short nails digging into the palms of her hands. _“No, we are not helpless rabbits, we will get out. We will make it.”_ There were five shinobi counting on her. Five shinobi that needed to make it back because they were under her protection, her orders.

The rest of her watch was spent in silence, staring at the walls of the cave, thinking about their plan, about everything that could go wrong – everything that couldn’t go wrong. It was her responsibility as their medic and their captain to get them to the forwards camp alive. If they followed the plan they’d make it. If they were careful, they’d make it. If they masked their chakra and slipped along like shadows, they’d make it.

Footsteps to her right made her pick up her head and turn towards the source of the noise. The light from the head of the tunnel had been gone for a long time so she looked into the darkness with the help of chakra once more. She was met with the silent gaze of the tall Chunin from Konoha, hunched over in the short tunnel.

Her watch was over, she needed to go sleep. Let him take over, let her mind stop churning. With a nod she stood as much as she could in the tight space, shuffling places with him as he sat for his watch. Not a word was exchanged as she moved down the tunnel to where the others lay around the cavern.

The scout was asleep tucked into a bed roll to keep him warm and dry. The medic lay next to him, close to his side in case something were to go wrong in the night. He too was asleep. The other Chunin from Konoha was stretched out close to them as well.

The blonde haired man who had searched the packs had a kunai clutched in his fist and was closest to the entrance to the cavern. He was asleep but she could tell he had stirred when she entered.

She walked to the scout’s other side, her footsteps silent. A bed roll was already laid out there and was still warm to the touch. Her mind wanted her to stay up and think but she knew she needed rest after their fight.

Silently she reached into her hip pouch, two fingers withdrawing a pill capsule she was all too familiar with. It was a special concoction of Shizune’s own design: a sleeping pill meant to put one to sleep but not keep them asleep in case of an attack. It had been field tested by many, including Sakura, who was now its most avid user.

The pill worked fast so she wasted no time in arranging herself within the bed roll. She listened to the drops of water hitting the stone around her in an effort to keep from thinking of anything else. It was mere moments before she felt herself being dragged under by the pills’ sedative effects. She welcomed the feeling and succumbed to it willingly.

_“Stop! Don’t take them! Let me fight with them, let me go! I have to go, they need me!” Hands held her back, wrapped around her waist, grabbed at her clothing and tugged her away from where she needed to be. “Let go, let go! Don’t go, stay, please stay!” Her hands ripped them off but for each hand that let go, a new one appeared. They were stronger than her, they were holding her back!_

_“They’re going to die! They need a medic!” She was fighting viciously now, pushing and pulling and struggling only to be pulled back further._

_“We’re going to die! We need a medic!”The voices behind her were pleading, groaning. Their hands were slick with warm blood, so much blood, on her, on her clothes._

_She didn’t look at them, her gaze was fixed forwards. They were out there and they needed her! She could see their faces in front of her, she could see them fighting._

_“Please, please let me go, you don’t need me, they do!” Her eyes ran with tears, falling onto the hands grabbing at her clothing, scratching her skin with their blunt nails. Couldn’t they understand?! Why were they holding her back?!_

_“We’re here, we’re dying, we need you! Sakura!” Their voices were familiar and unfamiliar, a whining chorus behind her, pulling her away from where she needed to be._

_“No! No! No! They’re my friends! Don’t you understand?! They’re my friends!” She wailed, tearing at the hands, fighting with all she had._

_“We’re your friends! Sakura!” The hands let go, all at once they stopped, they let go. She gasped and cried out. She was free! She could go! She could help them! Tears of utter relief flooded her vision as she took three bounding steps before freezing._

_Where were they? Her friends were gone; they weren’t in front of her, but how? She looked to her left and right, confusion and panic gripping her again. With a frantic look she whipped around only to have her voice caught in a strangled screech._

_There were her friends; their gazes fixed open, staring unending at nothing. Lying still in their own blood, so much blood._

She shot up with a sharp inhale of breath, her hands shaking. Green eyes darted around in the dark but there was no one there. Her friends weren’t dead in front of her, there was no blood. Just the darkness of the cavern and the occasional drip of water. The pill hadn’t worked this time.

Her breathing was harsh; the panic from her nightmare still clinging to her. She dropped her head and took steadying breaths, calming her heartbeat, calming her mind. The moment she felt in control, she looked around the cavern.

Beside her the scout still lay sleeping but the medic was gone, in his place was the blonde haired man. The tall Chunin was asleep by the tunnel and the shorter one was asleep to her right. Based on where everyone was sleeping, she knew they were at the end of the watch rotation. It would be morning soon and they would spend the day preparing to leave.

It was clear that she wasn’t going back to sleep, so she decided to relieve the medic of his watch. If something were to happen, having another medic that was well rested and able to heal was imperative.

The pathway into the tunnel was wetter than she remembered it being a few hours before. Water ran down the rock in tiny rivulets, flowing between the cracks and forming pools along its way. The air smelled sweeter the further up she went, fresher as well.

She spotted the medic huddled in the same alcove she had taken her watch in. He turned to look at her with a confused expression. “It’s not your watch.” He whispered, as she crouched down across from him.

“I woke up early. I’ll take over now; you should get some more sleep.” He gave her a measured stare before turning his head towards the entrance of the tunnel.

“It started raining about an hour ago. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or a bad one.” She turned her head in the same direction. The rain explained the scent and the increased flow of water. He shifted across from her, rising from his position in the alcove. “Thank you Captain.” He murmured, as he moved past her and down the tunnel. She remained behind, momentarily ill at ease.

 _“Captain.”_ Her heart clenched at the title as she settled into her place in the alcove. _“Not the way I wanted to be made a captain.”_ In truth she never thought about being one at all.

As a medic she had been trained to hang back. A medic’s job was to heal the wounded, stay alive so your team will remain alive. As a kunoichi, she had been trained to attack, to fight, to defend and protect. The two roles weren’t mutually exclusive but they did mean that she was not the first choice to lead a group. She was a medical kunoichi so she was important. Captains had a statistically higher chance of getting injured since they were the ones leading people into dangerous situations. Like Tsunade had always said, an injured medic means less of a chance for a team to survive. A dead medic is of no use to anyone.

The weird feeling of being addressed as Captain was pushed aside by thoughts of what the rain would mean for their travel. Rain meant things were more slippery, more chakra might be needed to maintain their grip at speed. However, it also provided more cover. It was difficult to see in heavy rain and, if the conditions were right, there could be a chance for low hanging fog. Movement was also masked better in the rain; in clear weather any sort of movement drew the eye. In rainy weather everything was moving so the eye would be less drawn to, say, a group of shinobi attempting to reach their forwards encampment.

They’d have to worry a little more about being tracked if the rain stopped or was light. Footprints showed up in mud and wet grass.

An hour or so later and there was a small amount of dim light illuminating the tunnel again. Sakura could see the water on the floor clearer and heard the sound of the rain picking up outside. She hoped it would last through the night. The benefits of rain for stealth far outweighed the miserable aspects of running through it.

It was an hour after this that the shorter Chunin walked up the tunnel and crouched down across from her the same way she had done with the medic. Their knees were almost touching, had it not been for the alcove, they wouldn’t have been able to be side-by-side at all.

She waited for him to speak but he remained silent. Curious, she spoke first, her voice as quiet as possible. “Am I needed?” The man turned his face to her, his expression showing his surprise.

“No, I assumed you’d want to rest more so I came to take over.” Sakura’s lips pulled back in a small but appreciative smile.

“I couldn’t rest more even if I wanted to. I’ll continue the watch; you can go back. Are you the only one awake?” He nodded, his dark eyes scanning her face with slight curiosity.

She herself took a moment to observe him. Though she remembered seeing him around Konoha, she didn’t know his name, just his rank. His looks would have been rather forgettable had it not been for the scar that ran along his right brow and curved towards his ear, just barely missing his eye. She finished her assessment of his looks and looked away from him.

He continued to observe her, as if he was trying to figure her out. After a few more moments of this she turned her gaze back to him, one brow raised in question. “Do _you_ need something?” Her tone was soft, indicating that she was not offended by his staring, just a bit unnerved. His head ducked slightly as he averted his gaze, realizing he had made her uncomfortable.

“Forgive me for asking but, why were you on this mission? I’ve thought about it and it’s not normal for someone of your skill level to be sent on a simple support mission.” It was an honest question. Sakura blinked at him.

 _“Ah so that’s what he was thinking about.”_ Her eyes followed a rivulet of water on the floor as she thought about how to answer him. “I requested to be sent on the mission because I believed that I could be of help to the forwards camp. The main camp didn’t need my support but the forwards camp was receiving increased casualties and needed someone to reorganize and assist the medics.” It was a half-truth but half of a truth was better than a lie.

The man across from her said nothing but seemed to think over her response for a moment. Eventually he nodded. “I can understand that. I’ve been healed by you before, the forwards camp will be lucky to have you.” He said this with such certainty that the ‘if we make it’ doubts seemed completely forgotten. For this she was grateful.

“Thank you.” Her eyes met his for a moment as she thanked him both for his praise of her skills as well as his slight optimism. They sat in silence after this, he made no move to return to the cavern and she didn’t press it. His presence kept her mind from drifting to more depressing thoughts. 

After a while she began to feel guilty for not knowing his name. She was his captain now, it seemed only fitting. They were in a war and being bounced around from squadron to squadron made it difficult to keep up with new names and faces but this was different.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask before, I know I’ve seen you around Konoha but I don’t remember your name.” His brown eyes widened slightly, accompanied by a fast blink that told her she had once again caught him off guard.

“I didn’t expect you to know it or ask for it. It’s Ibi, Ibi Shiko.” Sakura extended her hand out to him which he clasped in turn.

“Haruno Sakura. It’s nice to officially meet you Ibi-san.” Ibi shook her hand firmly and then released it with a slight smile. He looked ready to say something else but stopped when they both heard someone approaching from the cavern below.

It turned out to be the other Konoha shinobi who stopped as soon as he saw them. “Everyone’s awake now if you’d like to come back to the cavern, we’re distributing the food and water.” Ibi nodded and moved back towards the cavern with Sakura behind him. There was little need for a guard now that they were all awake. “ _If anyone had spotted us entering the cave, they would have attacked by now anyways.”_

“His name is Asato Soshu, if you wanted to know.” Ibi whispered as they followed him down the passageway. Sakura gave him a grateful look that he returned with a knowing expression.

As they entered the cavern they immediately attracted the attention of the three other members of their group.

The scout was still sitting on the ground, eating a packet of rations and looking suitably less pale than he had the night before. Sakura was glad to see his improvement.

“How’s your side feeling today?” He gave her a short glance.

“Better. Kugo checked it when he woke up.” 

The medic, who she now knew was called Kugo, appeared at her side, holding out a ration packet to her with a nod to the scout. “Morino’s healing well thanks to you.” Sakura took the ration packet from him with an appreciative look.

“You’ll need to rest again once we are at the forwards camp. You lost a lot of blood and plasma pills can only do so much. Your organs still need time to recover from the trauma.” The scout made a noise of acknowledgement in his throat. Sakura would have lectured him about his recovery had it been the time or the place for such. As it was, she accepted his acknowledgement and focused on eating her ration packet, moving to sit near Ibi and Kugo.

It was silent in the cavern save for the sounds of chewing and small noises of gratitude as the canteens were passed around. Sakura drank and ate her share before reaching for her pack. She made sure all of the medical scrolls were still safe and secure before turning towards the men sitting around her.

She cleared her throat, immediately gaining their attention. “We need to go over our exact plans for getting to the forwards camp tonight. I want to be sure that we all know the route and what the plan is in case we are attacked.” The men gave her serious looks; ones that she knew mirrored her own expression. To her right Ibi produced the map, already sensing where the conversation was headed. The lighter was passed to Kugo who flicked it open, holding it close to the map.

“We’ve already established a decent idea of how to get to the forwards camp from here.” She ran her finger along the map in the path they had previously discussed. “The only time where we will be exposed is here.” She gestured to the open swatch of land they would have to cross. “I’ll want a tight formation here, it’s currently raining outside so the ground will be wet, if it stops raining by tonight we’ll be at a disadvantage for being tracked.” She could see the scout, Morino’s, eyes narrowing.

“You said it’s raining now?” He questioned gruffly. Sakura raised her head.

“It’s been raining for a while.” It was an odd question but something seemed to have caught his interest. Morino looked at the map with interest before sighing slightly.

“I can cover our tracks easily, that’s not an issue. I might know a way for us to remain hidden as well but I don’t know how long it will hold.” Sakura’s outlook instantly became the tiniest bit brighter. Any possibility for them to remain hidden was welcome. Even if it was only for a few minutes, it could greatly minimize the chances of them getting caught.

“With a jutsu?” She questioned after Morino provided no more explanation. He grunted in response.

“I know a few jutsu to hide larger groups in mist. It’s easiest to work with them when it’s actively raining.” His gruff tone did nothing to dampen the hopeful spark that only grew as she heard him explain.

 _“That could work.”_ Ibi looked at her and nodded his agreement. It was their best shot at remaining unseen and they were lucky to have Morino on their side.

“We’ll have you use that Morino-san. Can it hold long enough for us to get all the way across?” Dark eyes met hers as he gave a stiff nod. To her left Asato, the taller of the Konoha Chunin, was scanning the map intently. His finger traced along their intended path, crossing the stream, and then continuing along towards the camp, towards their salvation. His eyebrows rose as he finally sat back, his hands resting on his knees.

“It might work. Our chances seem better than they did last night.” The group collectively agreed on that. Anything seemed possible today when they weren’t being swiftly pursued through enemy territory with only half of their squadron remaining.

Her eyes closed for a moment, a breath she didn’t know she had been holding slipped through her dry lips. Once more she traced their path on the map, committing it to memory before she too sat back on her haunches. “If we are attacked and outmatched, I want one of you to take my pack and run. The scrolls with the medical supplies are what they really need. If you can, have the forwards camp send a squadron towards us.” Her lips were set in a grim line as she looked towards her men. Their faces a mixture of knowing acceptance and silent respect. In that moment she realized that they would all do what she asked. They had not only accepted her as their captain, they respected her and her status as a shinobi.

Shaking off the feelings that bubbled up in her chest, she turned her head towards their packs. “We’ll double check everything before we leave. I want us all to be rested, hydrated and suitably nourished. We’ll leave at dusk.” She stood then, dusting her hands off on her pants. The lighter was clicked off when she stood, the map left open as the men did as she asked, pulling the packs over and going through their contents as she strode over to the tunnel.

Once more she closed her eyes, her unease and hope pooling into a roiling mixture deep in the pit of her stomach. _“It will be over in a few hours.”_ Behind her the men were discussing the packs and their weapons in hushed tones. It was still too loud to her, she needed a moment. Without a word she opened her eyes and silently slipped up the tunnel, headed for the alcove once more.

The sound of rain coming from the entrance made her relax slightly. It sounded strong, it sounded like hope. _“Maybe we’ll be lucky.”_ Her eyes stared passively at the stone around her. _“Well luckier than we have been. This hideout was the best thing we could have hoped for.”_ The cavern had been a blessing when they needed it most. Wet floor and musty smell included.

Silently she nudged a rock with her toe, sending it into a small current of water streaming down towards the cavern below. She couldn’t say she’d be sorry to leave the cavern. It was, after all, a literal hole in the ground. It was also a dead end and she could never be comfortable staying in a place with only one exit for very long. It went again her gut instincts as a shinobi to do so.

She was calmer now, both the sound of the rain and the dullness of the tunnel having soothed her stomach, if only momentarily. She stayed for a few minutes longer, relishing the sound of the rain outside. There was a journey to be made and people to keep safe and she intended to do both.

Her eyes turned towards the entrance to the tunnel once more. Out there was the real world and it was dangerous and deadly and no cavern was ever going to be deep enough for them to hide from it all. Emotions couldn’t come in to play out there, not now. So she turned and went back to her men, a new strength in her heart as her will to survive overrode the doubts swirling in her mind.

Morino was back on top of his bedroll, but not asleep. He was resting and that comforted Sakura. The more rest he got, the better he would feel and the faster they could move.

Ibi and Asato were near the center of the cavern. In front of them were their packs, all being carefully put back in order. Kugo was supervising the repacking of the supplies, making small comments whenever it involved his equipment. Sakura knew from firsthand experience that almost all shinobi, herself included, were very specific about how they wanted their equipment handled.

That left the only remaining member of the squadron, the man whose name she still didn’t know, sitting by himself near the tunnel once more. His eyes were closed and his head tilted back so Sakura decided against bothering him. Instead she moved over to Kugo’s side, both of her Konohan comrades nodding at her in greeting.

“Is everything in order?” She whispered, Ibi’s head turning towards the sound of her voice.

“Yes, we’ve checked it all, nothing is missing and everything’s packed up, aside from Morino-san’s beadroll.” Morino huffed at this, having overheard their quiet discussion in the echoing cavern.

“Leave it for now. He needs rest.” Sakura ordered, leaning down to pick up her own bag. She poked around inside for a bit, moving a scroll or two aside before being satisfied that it was all the way she wanted it.

“Captain Haruno, you haven’t eaten your second ration yet. We ate while you were gone.” Asato handed her a ration packet and a canteen. She took both with a murmur of thanks and sat down beside Ibi to eat. Kugo sat down near them as well, still fiddling with the straps of his pack while Sakura ate and drank slowly.

It was silent in the cavern once more as Sakura took in the solemn mood settling back down on her squadron. They could only wait for nightfall now. Sakura surmised that it was getting to be closer to late afternoon; they still had a while to go before they could set out.

She wondered for a moment if the men were thinking of their homes. Of family and friends they hadn’t seen in a long time. Almost everyone’s thoughts drifted to someone or something they cared for before venturing into a fight or before a difficult mission.

What she didn’t like was the oppressive feeling of melancholy taking root in the men around her. It was for this reason that she began to speak, if only to distract them for a time. Something she’d learned from Naruto was that you needed to encourage people. Remind them of something good and they’ll push through to do almost anything.

“Have any of you ever had a fantastic meal? I don’t mean a meal that was delicious or a meal that you ate after being on a mission for months; we all know those are good. I mean a meal that stuck in your mind for ages, one you can see perfectly when you think about it.” The men to her left looked to her for a moment, processing what she had offhandedly murmured. Slowly Ibi nodded, not knowing if she expected an answer or not. She continued when she knew she had their attention.

“One of my teammate’s favorite foods in the world is ramen. He’s pretty much lived on ramen and only ramen for most of his life. Though I honestly don’t know how.” Her face grew into a small smile. “When we were kids we’d get our Sensei to take us to this ramen stand in Konoha, Ichiraku Ramen, every time we got back from a mission and almost always after training. We’d go there soaking wet, beaten up, absolutely covered in dirt and mud and blood – it didn’t matter what we looked like or how we felt, there was always the ramen shop and my teammate _always_ convinced us to go.” All the attention was on her now; even Morino had opened his eyes and was listening to her story.

“I’m not the biggest fan of ramen, I can’t get it out of my head that all that salt is really not good for you. But, well, when your teammate’s a ramen eating machine who is way too persuasive to argue against, you eat ramen too.” Ibi smiled a bit. He and Asato had seen Team 7 at Ichiraku in their younger days and then Naruto, Sakura, and sometimes Sai and Kakashi at Ichiraku later on, almost everyone in Konoha had.

“My teammate was off training for a few years, I didn’t go to the ramen stand often while he was gone, it didn’t seem the same without him there.” Her voice dropped a bit, her words holding double the meaning for a brief moment as she thought of the Uchiha who had also disappeared from their ramen stand. But her thoughts on him had grown colder over the years and it didn’t hurt anymore, not really. Gone was the girlish crush of her youth and in its place was the simple will to bring back a teammate that had long since strayed from the right path.

It wasn’t the time to think about him and all the grief he had caused her though. So she bounced right back into her story when she noticed that all of the men were waiting on her. “When he got back that was the first place he wanted to go. No seeing anyone else, no going to his apartment – which is an absolute horror by the way, things _live_ in his fridge – no it was just straight to Ichiraku’s.” She shook her head with a fond expression. “I’ve never seen so many bowls of ramen inhaled so fast! I’m almost certain he broke some sort of ramen eating record that night.” Her smile grew as did the small smiles playing at the lips of the men around her.

“I had the same ramen I always have, plain vegetable ramen, but it was still one of the best meals I’ve ever had. My silly teammate was back and choking on ramen next to be me and rambling on about the silliest things and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.” Her eyes rose to look at them, a hopeful glint shining in them despite the dark of the cavern.

“That’s why we’re out here you know. We’ll make it to the forwards encampment because we all have teammates, we all have memories of fantastic dinners, and we all have a place like Ichiraku’s. I know we hear it all the time but it’s true, we fight for our villages, our family, friends, and stupid silly moments with people you care for.” Her voice was strong, it was what they needed, a reminder of what they were fighting for. The men agreed with her with murmurs and nods, all seeming just as energized as she now felt. They’d do it. They’d make it through. She too felt better about leading them. Sometimes all it took was a little positive reinforcement and a dream to protect.

Ibi stood up beside her, Asato following suit. Both looked to her with a confidence clearly back on their features. “When do we leave Captain Haruno?” Ibi inquired. Sakura looked towards the tunnel, standing as she did so.

“Soon. Start getting ready, I’m going to head up for a moment and see if everything is clear.” Ibi nodded but was cut off suddenly by the man near the tunnel entrance.

“I’ll do it Captain. I won’t leave the tunnel, just check to see if there’s anything going on outside.” His stare was unwavering and Sakura nodded, permitting him to do so.

“Be back in three minutes.” The man gave an affirmative nod before disappearing into the tunnel. Sakura’s gaze turned to where Morino was rolling up his bedroll. He grunted when he noticed her gaze, tossing the bedroll to Kugo who swiftly stowed it in a pack.

“If we’re going to be running through enemy territory then I want to thank you now.” Green eyes blinked at him as he gave her a stiff bow, his brow scrunched like it was hard for him to do so. “You’re a great medic, even if you are a Leaf one.” He grumbled the last bit but she knew his compliment was genuine and wasn’t something she heard often from gruff men like him.

“I appreciate it. Now you can really pay me back by keeping us hidden while we cross the open patch of land.” Her last statement had him huff again. A noise from the tunnel had her turning once more, the man they’d sent up appearing with a pleased look on his face.

“The rain’s made it dark enough now and it’s still going strong. Nobody’s anywhere near us.” A collective tension sifted out of the air at his words. So far their plan was looking good. Sakura performed a quick once-over of her pouches, assuring each one was properly fastened before pulling on her signature black gloves. She tied her forehead protector tighter and then gestured to the packs.

“Kugo-san, please hand us our packs.” The medic nodded and did as asked, passing her her pack first before distributing the rest. Sakura adjusted it on the back of her flak jacket, the others doing the same. With a look about the group she narrowed her eyes in determination. “Stick to the plan, stick in formation and get back alive.” The men around her straightened, giving her varying looks of obedience and respect mixed with anticipation for what was to come. 


	3. Fight of the Medic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura takes charge, an escape is attempted.   
> Fighting and injuries ensue.

It was with a stern nod that she turned and marched towards the tunnel opening, hunching down as they made their way single file up to the outside world. She paused at the entrance, poking her head out as the rain and wind immediately whipped at her hair.

It was a complete downpour and she was eternally grateful for it. Cautiously she eased herself onto the muddy, rocky ground around the hole, motioning for the others to follow. They did so until the very last member of their squadron was standing in the slanting rain and whipping wind.

Visibility was low and the dark certainly didn’t help, but Sakura knew the path after going over it in her mind for hours. Darkness had indeed consumed the land as the grey rocks and dark muddy ground were all they could see. Even then, it was all mere outlines.

She motioned for them to get in formation. She was at the front with Morino to her left to help guide them and Ibi to her right. Kugo, Asato and the other man made up the rear of the formation. With a raised hand they set out.

Immediately the rain stung her face, having already plastered her hair and her clothing to her body after only a minute or two of standing in it. The wind blew it at a slant, making it difficult to see anything but also cloaking them from enemy eyes. Beneath her sandals mud squelched between her toes as her feet sank with every step, no matter how light they were.

The pace she set was fast but not impossible. With Morino helping to guide them she couldn’t afford for him to get hurt again and fall behind.

They trekked on when the wind changed directions and howled viciously past them like a hurricane as the first hour passed faster than Sakura had thought it would. She was on edge with every boulder they passed, squinting through the rain and the muck and the dark made her fear that every movement was the enemy; every corner they turned was a chance to be caught.

It was Morino with his unwavering presence who pointed when they needed to divert, nudging them back into place when the rain threatened to disorient and push them off course. Ibi too was a fixture in her peripheral vision, turning with her and protecting her flank should something happen.

The next hour dragged on where the first had seemed quick. The endless landscape had changed to include the outlines of scraggy trees amongst the tall rocks that protected them from prying eyes and from some of the wind. Soon the rocks began to diminish as Morino slowed the pace slightly, darting closer to Sakura for a brief moment so his voice could be heard over the rain.

“We’re coming to the open area.” Green eyes darted in front of her. Here was where their luck could run out. If the jutsu didn’t hold, or if they were seen, things could take a drastic turn.

They slowed and moved closer as the outcroppings of rocks dwindled around them. Sakura motioned for Morino to perform the seals as soon as they were all in position. Her feet sank deeper into the mud as she waited for Morino to finish what seemed like the longest set of seals in history. Her every sense was on edge, waiting, feeling for anything that was out of place. It was only when a thick fog materialized around them that she felt herself relax minutely.

The fog was nearly impossible to see through and with the rain still beating down and night cloaking them, visibility was nearly zero. It worked. She could see Morino’s hands locked into a seal as he began to pick up his pace, her cue to push the group on. Now it was a race against the clock. While Morino had assured her he could hold the jutsu, she didn’t want to chance it.

 _“Ten minutes.”_ Ten minutes to cross. She counted every second as it passed by, every step into the cold mud reminding her that it was one step closer to cover. Her eyebrows set low on her face and her head tucked down, she pressed on.

It was a terrible feeling, knowing that they couldn’t be seen but that she also could not see anything beyond the thick fog curling around each of them. Morino was their guide, their navigator through the storm, his face rigid as his body even as the rain soaked them all.

 _“Five minutes.”_ Halfway there and nothing had happened. No enemy had come crashing through to slit their throats; no kunai had embedded themselves into their skulls. It was all going according to plan.

Morino’s face grew tighter the closer they got. His hands were steady but Sakura could tell the residual pain in his side was causing him trouble when paired with maintaining the jutsu. _“Three minutes.”_

Her pink hair was plastered back against her head. The rain was driving a beating pattern that she could feel on every inch of exposed skin and through the standard issue pants and shirt she wore. It clung to her like the fog, twisting when she moved, shifting against her clammy skin.

 _“We’re almost through.”_ Morino’s hands were sliding down, his brow furrowed and his eyes squinted forwards. The ground was becoming harder under their feet, rocks interspersed with the boggy ground. Blinking through the harsh rain she could tell the fog was receding.

A sense of relief flooded into her chest. The hardest part, the worst of it was over now. In a flash the fog was gone, their path clear again. Instantly they moved into their former formation. Their pace quickened again, now that they were at least somewhat shielded by the barriers of rock and the scraggy trees around them.

“Captain, there are chakra signatures ahead.” Ibi’s voice cut in to their silent pace with jarring clarity. She whipped her head forwards, now feeling the signatures as well. Immediately she diverted left, her brain already planning a roundabout way to avoid any other groups.

 _“This will take us towards the stream but we’ll cross at a lower point than we planned. Beyond that we’ll have to work our way back up. Damn it, this will add time.”_ Time was dangerous out here. The longer it took them to get back, the higher the chances of them being spotted.

They dashed away from where she could still feel the chakra signatures, lingering in her senses like pinpricks of danger. Her heart beat loud as the pounding rain in her ears. It was only when their squadron slipped between some taller trees that the signatures faded away.

There they ran for another hour, hidden in the scraggy trees knit together in a desolate sort of forest around them. Every drop of rain seemed a blur between the trees. Every time her feet hit the ground it reverberated to her core.

The thrumming feeling in her veins had since spread to every nerve. She was as alive as the air around them. No longer could she feel the stinging of each droplet hitting her, not the biting cold that had seeped through her clothing to her core. She was over sensitive and yet somehow numb.

Time passed on with each of them now spurred on by their almost dangerous encounter. Their sense of urgency was now heightened.

The stream that she could just barely make out in front of them was a sign that their journey was nearly halfway over. It was a raging torrent of water now; spread across the landscape in the form of a small river. They slowed minutely as their feet hit the surface of the water, allowing chakra to keep them on top and stable as they continued their run across its murky and turbulent surface.

It wasn’t enough that they were across the stream now; that their feet were on dry land. They were only halfway there and the darkness of night and oppressive rain were playing two roles. Both the protective curtain and the blindfold. For and against them.

 _“We aren’t done yet. We can’t slow.”_ Her eyes darted for a brief moment to squint at Morino beside her. He had kept pace with them all, though his hand had since migrated to his side, the pain twisting his face into a mixture of harsh determination and discomfort. Her medical instincts told her to help him but she knew that there was nothing more she could truly do and even slowing their pace would not help him much. So she turned her face back to the path and pushed all of her feelings from her mind.

Ibi’s head kept turning left and right as they ran, the constant swiveling catching her peripheral vision from time to time. He was playing the role of lookout. It was the deepening creases on his forehead, which she could barely make out through the drops on her lashes, which worried her. Something wasn’t sitting well with him and it wasn’t just the fact that they were rushing through enemy territory. She could feel it to, the prickling under her skin that screamed of danger, but she couldn’t tell where the danger was coming from. Was it paranoia?

Instantly her thoughts were catapulted back to the very same feeling just before their earlier ambush. Her green eyes widened and she desperately looked around, her leap faltering for a mere moment as fear crowded back into her mind.

But nothing happened. Still, each moment now she braced for attack, her arms stiff near her hip pouches, fingers itching for a weapon.

It was another hour before the feeling subsided, whatever danger there was, she no longer felt it so oppressively around her. Her fears lingered, the feeling a warning she still couldn’t ignore. They were not safe. Not yet.

Mud and muck pulled at her feet, everything clinging to her and her men like spiderwebs. She could feel the men running behind her, and was sure they were much more covered in mud from the spray coming off the back of her sandals. But who could care about such things now?

 _“Back to the mission.”_ She forced herself to focus, to avoid any distractions other than the landscape around her and the possible dangers that lurked in the dark.

 _“We’re coming up to our parallel path, there’s only three more hours, hopefully only two more hours before we are well within our territory. If we’re lucky we’ll run into a scouting group of ours sent out to search for us.”_ She refused to think what would happen if they were unlucky.

Morino was nudging them right, cutting closer to her side as she turned the group. They were on the correct path now, paralleling where the bodies of their comrades likely still lay getting soaked by the rain. It was hard for her to believe that they were so close now, so close to where all of their misfortune had started.

A rivulet of water poured into her eye for a split second, forcing her to blink heavily. Head down, eyes narrowed, teeth digging into her cheek, she shook her head. _“No, I did what I could; I got us out of there.”_ It was a bitter pill to swallow, it always was, but now more than ever it wasn’t something she could think about.

The prickling feeling from earlier crawled back up her spine. Once again she was on guard. They had just passed the area where they had been attacked, meaning that they were ahead of where they had started, less than an hour away from where their territory began. After that it would only be another hour or so until they were in the camp.

She looked to Ibi, he was gritting his teeth, glancing to her with a nod that told her he felt something too. They were being watched by something, someone. _“We’re almost there, we need to press on, they won’t enter the area around the forwards camp, there’s too many guards.”_ It didn’t comfort her at all.

Something hit the back of her leg, it felt like a rock that she kicked up, but it made her hand grab for her kunai pouch with lightning speed. Instantly she felt the men behind her close ranks.

“Captain?” It was Asato’s voice from behind her, a mere mumble above the wind and the pounding of the rain. She shook her head, hoping he got the message that she didn’t know what it was even as she slipped a kunai into her hand.

She didn’t see the thing that tripped Asato but she felt his arm smack into her back as their group immediately halted and formed a tight circle, back to back as Asato cursed at whatever had tripped him up.

Her heartbeat had sped up immediately, eyes darting in the darkness, straining through the rain to make out what had happened.

Asato was tight against Sakura’s back. “It was a rock Captain. It _jumped_ out of the ground.” His voice sounded concerned and serious, each one of them now in fight mode as they waited for an attack. Rocks didn’t just trip up shinobi running towards freedom. They couldn’t just jump out of the ground.

“Stay still.” Sakura hissed, green eyes searching as she moved chakra to pool in her hands. If they were going to be attacked she would make sure they had the upper hand.

It was agonizing waiting for something to happen. The rain was still pelting down, still pouring into their faces as they scanned the low trees surrounding them. Movements were hidden; there was no telling how many people were there or where they were. Were they surrounded? The enemy had lost the element of surprise by now so why were they waiting?

She had ducked down slightly into position, one fist drawn back and the other clutching her kunai in a bruising grip. _“What are they waiting for?!”_ Her eyes frantically moved across the scenery, searching for anything, until a fast moving object caught her glance. She just barely avoided the kunai that had been hurtling towards her face.

The men all moved in closer, now even more on edge as no immediate attack followed the first. _“What are they doing?”_ Something in her mind told her to run, to move now. She took a step back, her pack hitting the pack of Asato who was directly behind her. “We have to move.” She commanded, still scanning the area for anything that moved or felt like a chakra signature.

“Captain, we’re not far from the patrol border, we can make it.” It was Ibi this time, his voice sounded harsh in her ear. She nodded to him, tapping Morino with her elbow. He had heard them both and gave a grunt as his agreement.

“Go!” Sakura hissed, the men behind her whipping around as they took off, a volley of shuriken whizzing past her ears. She heard a sharp intake of breath from behind her as a shuriken had obviously grazed someone, but she knew everyone was still running so it was a minor injury. They tore through the underbrush and mud, zigzagging in an effort to distract their pursuers.

 _“How many of them are there and why didn’t they attack?!”_ Her mind was racing with questions even as her muscles pumped fast underneath of her, drowning out anything but the sound of the wind in her ears and her own heartbeat hammering in her chest.

It was minutes before another shuriken passed by her ear; she ducked a hard left, Morino and Ibi tight to her sides as they leapt over a fallen log and slid down a muddy embankment straight into mud that sank her up to her knees.

They pulled their legs free immediately, their pace picking back up to the harsh movements of before. Whoever was behind them had no chakra signature but she could feel from her very core that they were still being pursued. There were no more weapons being thrown and a furious “Kai!” from Sakura assured that they were not under a genjutsu.

So why then was this person, or persons, still pursuing them and not engaging them at all? What could they stand to gain?

 _“Unless we’re being herded into a trap.”_ This thought knotted itself firmly into her stomach. It could all be a trap set for them.

“Right! Go right!” She yelled. Her body twisting as her feet slipped on the mud beneath her. She could practically feel the confusion coming off of Morino as he gave her a look filled with disbelief.

“We’re being herded like cattle!” She spat, her teeth clenched as she cursed herself for being so easily led. Shuriken appeared from their right, dodged swiftly as she pushed them onwards. It was clear now. They were only attacking to try and steer them towards something, most likely an ambush.

She could tell now that her comrades understood as Ibi’s eyebrows knit into a determined glare. Another volley of weapons, this time more direct, clashed off of Ibi’s kunai.

“Keep right, watch the attacks!” Her barked order carried to those behind her as she heard more clashes of metal on metal.

Whoever was tailing them would soon be forced to engage them or flee. She hoped for the latter. Another volley of kunai and they pushed further right, still moving towards their encampment but coming at it from a slant now.

“We’re close to the farthest patrol border Captain!” Kugo shouted up towards her as she ducked her head to avoid another shuriken aimed for her skull. They were coming up to two large trees that were shaped almost like an arch over the ground beneath them.

She barely caught sight of the figures in front of them before she and her team skidded to an immediate stop. In the rain their faces were well hidden but she could tell they were not allies from their stance.

She sized them up quickly just as the one on the left made his move, darting directly towards her as Morino and Ibi quickly jumped to shield her. The man clashed into them with force, Ibi’s swiping kunai cutting his sleeve as he jumped back again, the second man coming from the side.

Asato intercepted him along with the blonde haired man. Kugo and Sakura hung back as Morino and Ibi engaged with the man who seemed to be one step out of their reach at all times.

The men were fast and dangerous, obviously skilled and well trained but not overly powerful. She could demolish them in seconds if she could only lay one punch. Her eyes traced the movements of Morino and Ibi, waiting for an opening.

Suddenly the man they were fighting disappeared into a cloud of smoke and both of her comrades swiftly disengaged. Her eyes widened as she dodged a downwards blow from the man who dropped out of nowhere in front of her.

Immediately they were engaged in a vicious hand-to-hand battle. Sakura was pushing him back, her attacks centered on his arms and torso. He was staying just out of the range of her glowing fists, parrying with kunai instead of his hands. She snarled as she launched a fast right hook at him, one that he barely dodged. Morino and Ibi stood tensely watching them fight, not wanting to get involved as she was clearly handling it.

The man knew he was losing, his teeth were clenched together and the seedy eyes glaring at her held a hint of desperation like a trapped animal. It made her face split into a furious expression as she finally got just within his range and unleashed a punch that sent him flying across the ground, tumbling and crashing into the tree with a crunch that could be heard even above the heavy rain.

Without a pause she whipped her head back to where she heard a loud cry of anguish as the other enemy fell into a heap with a kunai embedded deeply in his chest. Asato and the other squad members quickly returned to her side as she took charge once more.

“Stick to the path, be alert!” Her voice carried harshly through the storm as the men gave grim nods and did as they were told. They fell back into place beside her without comment. It was as they moved to their places that Sakura saw that it was Asato who had been hit when they were running. A trail of deep red had joined the dark mud stains on the side of his calf wrappings and but it was far from a serious injury. She paid it little mind and motioned for them to move on from their boggy battle ground.

It was still dark, that meant they still had time. Time to stay hidden in the unrelenting rain, time to dart between the shadows of the shaking trees.

She led them on with the same pace as before, Morino still strong beside her as her indicator of both pace and direction. They had not strayed far from their path and each moment of tense running was filled with the knowledge that they could stumble upon one of their patrols at any moment.

 _“We’re going to make it.”_ She couldn’t keep the feeling of relief from bubbling up in her chest. They weren’t there yet but they were so close that she knew; she just knew that they’d make it. With her as their Captain. The thought of having to report as such sobered her feelings once more.

Her pale hand shoved wet sticky hair out of her face as they made a slippery turn, the movement dislodging some of the hair plastered to her skull into her line of sight. She needed to focus; everything else could be explained later, now they needed to keep an eye out for any patrols, theirs or the enemies, though now she doubted they’d see the latter. Morino had just nodded to her, signaling that they had passed firmly into territory patrolled by their scouts.

It was pride, disbelief, relief, all at once. When they had left the cave Sakura had only hoped, only thought they’d make it. But here they were, almost safe, if you could call being near the frontlines of a war safe.

The rain was still pelting down and the sky had not yet lightened, meaning that they had to be careful lest one of their own patrols attacked them without realizing who they were. It was still unwise to unmask their chakra so to a passing scout they could look like the enemy in disguise. It was simply a matter of time before they would run into _someone_.

They continued on, moving swiftly as they squinted through the dark and the rain. It was mere minutes before a movement behind her caught her eye. Not a scout like she had hoped, but Asato stumbling as he grabbed onto his calf. She furrowed her brow and slowed them slightly. Such a shallow wound should not be causing a shinobi to fall.

Morino and Ibi looked to her as she skidded to a stop with the raise of her hand, catching Asato’s pained and confused look. Kugo had moved closer to him before she had stopped them, his brow furrowed as he looked to Sakura, both already formulating ideas.

“I’m sorry Captain, it’s – it’s burning, something’s making my whole leg go rigid.” His voice was laced with pain as his eyes showed how guilty he felt for stopping due to a simple cut. Her green eyes darted to Kugo as his own echoed her concerned look. It sounded like poison and she couldn’t treat it here. The more he ran, the faster it could spread.

“We’re close enough to the forwards encampment. Kugo put a tourniquet on his leg.” Kugo did so swiftly, pulling a section of bandage from his pack and setting about tightening it on Asato’s upper thigh.

With a sigh she shucked her pack off, chucking it at Ibi who immediately moved to stop her as he realized her intentions. “Captain let me –.” Sakura’s resolute look stopped him in his tracks as she motioned for Kugo to help Asato onto her back. Both looked as apprehensive as Ibi until she narrowed her eyes.

“I don’t think I have to remind you that I can break trees in half with my bare fist. Get on and hold on.” Her words were laced with more bite than she intended them to be but she had no time for any of it right now. She was the strongest in the group and had carried teammates more times than she could count.

Without any further complaints Asato was placed on her back with his arms wrapped around her neck and her arms wrapped under his knees. It would have been a comical sight, her carrying a shinobi twice her size on piggyback if the circumstances were different, but they weren’t and they all looked like drowned and muddy rats at this point anyways so it simply added to their raggedness. Before anyone, namely a scowling Morino, could further protest, she moved back to the head of the formation.

She could feel that Asato was settled on her back, his weight not a problem with her chakra aiding her but strange nonetheless. He had turned his head to the side to avoid putting his face directly into her wet hair, the rain now pooling slightly on the back of her neck where it dripped down his face. Once the other men were back in position they set off again.

She was careful now, making her stride as even as possible on the wet ground as she concentrated on not jostling Asato. His leg was obviously exceedingly painful and the movement was not good for preventing the spread of the poison either.

They continued for a while longer, the sense of urgency back once more now that Asato’s life was in jeopardy. He was as silent as the grave, hanging onto her with an expression on his features that radiated shame and discomfort. 

They had still yet to see any patrols or scouts and it was beginning to grate on Sakura’s mind. Her pink brows pulled into a tight scowl as she thought of exactly how she was going to berate the forward encampment’s commanding officer for how easy it was for them to get this far into their territory without being confronted.

  _“It’ll have to wait; this poison is obviously fast acting. I’ll need to find out what it is first and prepare something to eliminate any traces or symptoms left in his body.”_ In her head she went over each individual detail of the procedure, all while keeping her footing on the mud and wet grass beneath them.

She was just thinking of what combination of medicine would prevent any complications when a noise from either side of their group caught her attention. Carefully she stopped the group and waited as the rustling grew closer.

Two shinobi, both looking very surprised to see them, appeared in front of their group.  They looked around with startled eyes, taking in everything from the small number and their disastrous looking appearance, to Sakura carrying Asato, whose eyes were squinting at them over her shoulder.

It was Sakura narrowed green eyes and lips pursued in distaste who stared them down. The scout on her right, obviously just now recognizing her, spoke first.

“Are you the support squadron?” Sakura nearly growled at his idiotic question.

“We are. We have an injured member and we’ve been travelling in this storm all night. Now if you get us to camp I’ll make a full report _after_ I take care of my squadron.” The man, taking in her glare, nodded and turned to his partner, both of them turning and setting off to lead them to the forwards camp.

Inwardly she was relieved to be getting some sort of an escort to the camp. Asato’s grip had tightened and his legs had unconsciously dug themselves firmly into her sides. She needed to get him off of her back and treated and then see to Morino as well. _“I’m probably going to have to tie him down to get him to rest. He’s still recovering from that side wound.”_

It took them another half an hour before she began noticing signs of the encampment. The rain was finally letting up, if only slightly, and it was starting to become less oppressively dark. There was a guard in a tree that watched as they passed, their two escorts raising their hands in acknowledgment that they were with them.

It was when she saw the first tents with shinobi moving around that she felt her shoulders relax minutely. They’d done it. She’d lead them to safety, they’d survived. She could have collapsed right then and there, laid down in the muck and mud and let the relief of it all wash over her. It didn’t matter that she was filthy or that she was so truly soaked that her flak jacket felt like a lead weight on her. They were alive and where they needed to be.

Asato’s stirring brought her thoughts swiftly back down to earth as she set her jaw again. She still had a job to do. They were approaching the encampment and she could tell word had spread of their arrival. There was now a small crowd watching them approach. Swiftly she arranged her expression to be serious; she would take no delays in getting to the med tent.

“Morino, Kugo come with me. The rest of you take your packs to a tent. Find out where they want us and the get cleaned up somewhere then come to the med tent. If the commander of this camp gets to you first, direct them to me. I’ll explain everything once I get Asato healed.” Her comrades nodded as their two escorts looked to her.

“We’ll take you to the medical tent.” Sakura nodded her thanks as they entered the encampment, the shinobi around them exchanging looks of confusion and curiosity as their murmured voices rose.

“…Heard there was supposed to be a larger squadron…”

“…Late getting here…”

“Is that the Hokage’s apprentice? What happened…”

“…Medics but there are only two…”

Sakura marched through with Asato’s head now hitting her shoulder, his face flushed and eyes dropping shut. She could feel the heat radiating off of him.

Everyone stopped as they passed, staring at their sorry looking troupe with intrigue but also morbid understanding. They’d all seen too many squadrons like hers. Half drowned and covered in mud with more than one member missing.

Ibi and the blonde haired man separated from their group with one of the scouts after Ibi explained that they needed to put the packs in a tent. The rest of them entered the medical tent with Sakura well in the lead. 

Quick glances around showed her that the setup was exactly like the main encampment, if only a bit smaller. There were rows of camp beds set up with injured shinobi lying in them. Almost every one was full and Sakura knew that this was why they had sent for help from the third division’s main encampment.

Medics, almost all of whom were gawking at her, were scattered around the room attending the wounded. At the end of this tent were tables with papers and clipboards arranged on them with a door at the very end that had the word ‘surgery’ written above it. From this direction came a tall man striding towards her with a serious expression. She recognized him as one of the higher up medics sent from Suna.

“I need a table in surgery prepped for poison extraction.” The man, who had only just stopped in front of her, had been cut off by her request. He closed his mouth and nodded, turning to tell another medic to do what she asked.

Kugo, who had been standing by Sakura’s side, gently cleared his throat. She turned her gaze to him and gave him a serious look. “Morino needs to get cleaned up and in clean clothing. He’s to be put in a bed and checked again by you Kugo. Don’t let him leave until I’ve finished with Asato. If the other two come back, keep them with you.” He nodded as Morino’s hissing refusal to cooperate was met with a narrowed eye glare. “It’s standard procedure.” He said nothing in response but looked thoroughly unenthused with the idea.

She then turned her concern back to Asato who had gone slack on her back as they were moving through the camp. She made her way to the surgery with haste, opening the door to see a table laid out with fresh linens in front of her. The head medic and another were waiting for her. Gingerly they helped remove Asato from her back, all three of them lifting him onto the table. She dismissed the head medic with a request to assist Kugo with the medical scrolls they had been carrying, leaving her and the other medic alone in the room with Asato.

In the sterile light of the room he looked even paler. His skin was clammy but hot to the touch with deep red cheeks indicating a fever had taken place since they had tied the tourniquet.

Sakura turned and pulled her sopping hair into a rough ponytail before scrubbing in the offered sink, rolling her dripping sleeves up as far as they could go. The medic attending to Asato’s leg did not remove the tourniquet but had unwrapped his wrappings and pulled up his pants leg. He had started to clean the wound when Sakura moved to inspect it.

It was a straight gash that stretched down half the length of his calf. The edges of the wound were red and puffy with a slight tinge of purple that spread around the tissue on his leg looking almost like a bruise. The medic finished cleaning it and moved to let Sakura inspect it further.

She didn’t know what type of poison it was but it had spread quickly seeing as Asato had been conscious when he was on her back yet was now unconscious. She’d have to extract some of the poison and analyze it before giving him an antidote.

“Can I have a needle and a vial?” Sakura held out her hand as she glanced back to Asato’s pale face. His clothing had already soaked the cloth under him and the mud was staining it a dirty brown. She’d have to have someone get him out of his wet clothing after she’d treated him. The medic handed her what she asked for and she set about drawing his blood.

Wasting no time she added a solution of medical fluid to the vial and pulled out the poison, isolating it in another vial as she handed the blood filled vial off to the medic. “Check that for anything else and get me an antidote kit.” Again the medic did as she asked. Sakura was already using a chakra scan on the poison to determine what it was. From what Asato had initially stated, she knew it caused extreme pain and a burning sensation coupled with a mild paralysis of the affected area which then caused a fever. Running over the list of poisons and their affects in her mind narrowed it down to six possibilities. One involved a poison gas, which she ruled out. Another had to be ingested so that was out as well. That left four possibilities.

Silently she worked as the medic returned to tell her he had found nothing else in Asato’s blood and that he had the antidote kit. She nodded as she focused on isolating at least one of the components that made up the poison. It was then that she detected a small trace of a plant compound she recognized immediately. Only one of the poisons contained that particular plant.

“Get me the antidote for the C32 poison.” The medic blinked at her but did as she asked, filling a syringe and handing it to her. She pulled down the waist of Asato’s pants, wiping the upper part of his thigh before injecting the antidote. Swiftly she handed the syringe back to the medic and untied the tourniquet on his leg.

He jerked slightly under her hands as she stretched her healing chakra into his wound. She could sense the antidote in his bloodstream alongside the poison. It was making its way down, the two compounds mixing together. With a serious expression she monitored his face for any sign of change.

A minute passed and then his features softened and his breathing evened out. His skin looked less flushed and she could feel his fever dropping. The antidote was working.

Heaving a sigh of relief she straightened up and finished healing his wound. The cut was gone in seconds and after one more sweep with her chakra, she pulled his pants leg back down.

“He’ll be waking up soon. Get him out of his wet clothes and clean before he gets in bed. He’ll need an IV with fluids to continue to flush his system. Monitor him for the next few hours and have someone alert me if anything changes, though I don’t expect anything more to happen. I have to see to the rest of my squadron and report in.” The medic, who was now looking at her in awe, nodded and moved to do as she asked.

She took the roughly tied ponytail out as she moved out of the treatment room and back into the main part of the medical tent. Her nose wrinkled in disgust when the wet hair landed on her neck with a sickening flop. A glance down had her even more perturbed by her appearance. Still soaked to the bone, dripping water where she walked as her shoes squelched with mud that extended up to her thighs. The mostly clean floor was now marred with tracks and water. She was looking forwards to getting clean and out of her disgusting clothes.  

“Haruno-san!” Her head shot back up and across the medical tent where her squadron, including Ibi and the blonde haired man, now stood around a bed housing a very disgruntled, but clean Morino. She walked over to them with what she hoped was a slightly less exhausted expression.

“Is Asato alright?” Ibi questioned. Sakura couldn’t help but be envious at his clean and dry appearance.

“It was a poison I’m familiar with. He’ll be fine and should be awake soon. Good to see you got cleaned up.”

Kugo was standing to the side and observing the interaction with a similarly envious look on his face. She realized in that moment that they were the only two who had yet to get cleaned up. With a break-neck turn in demeanor, her head whipped around to fix a steely eyed gaze at Morino.

“You are to rest here. I understand you feel fine but after a wound like yours and hard travel you need to get fluids and let your organs fully recover. Besides, you can keep Asato company.” He opened his mouth to retort but then thought better of it and instead looked off to the side with a scowl and a grumble.

Satisfied that he wouldn’t disobey, she turned her thoughts to more pressing matters. Such as when she was going to be accosted by the commander of this encampment, whoever they were, and where the medical supplies were, and most importantly, when she was going to be able to get cleaned up.

“Ibi, did you see the commander anywhere?” Ibi shook his head.

“We put the packs in a tent but never saw them.” Sakura furrowed her brow but nodded, turning to Kugo while wiping a strand of wet hair out of her face.

“Did you get the medical scrolls where they needed to go?” He bent down and held up her pack, showing her the inside which now only contained her equipment.

“The head medic came and took them. He seemed grateful to have them.” Sakura took her pack and slung it over her shoulder.

“I’m sure he was. They needed them badly.” Her eyes travelled across the room as she mentioned this, taking in the sheer amount of shinobi in the tent that still required care. They hadn’t been kidding when they said they needed more medical support.

With a tired rub of her hand across her temple she turned back to Kugo. “If the commander isn’t here we might as well get cleaned up. The rest of you get some rest, you’ve earned it.”

Ibi and the blonde haired man nodded but made no move to leave Morino. The blonde haired man started up a conversation with him while Ibi waited for Asato. Kugo remained at her side as she turned and began walking towards the exit of the medical tent.


	4. Friends in Dreary Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally we have contact. Shikamaru is a caring friend.

She had closed her eyes for a brief moment as she swiped at her eyelids in attempt to get some of the grimy water off of them. It was in this moment that she heard a voice that froze her in place with its unexpected familiarity.  

“Sakura?” Her hands stopped next to her chin as she blinked her eyes open only to meet wide brown eyes with eyebrows pulled tight across them. His hands were caught halfway in his pockets, posture straight, with every bit of attention focused on her.

“Shikamaru? What…? What the hell are you doing here?” Her green eyes had gone wide in an instant, eyebrows rising together. 

One of his eyebrows quirked up at her surprised outburst. “I’m the commander here, for now.” His answer trailed off as he took in her drenched and filthy appearance. Immedately his eyes were back on her face, his expression serious and concerned. “Why are _you_ here? And what happened to that squadron? Were _you_ with them?” His last question was punctuated with a slight raise of his eyebrows that Sakura didn’t like at all.

She blinked and then swiftly looked away, a frown etching itself onto her features.

“I’ll explain it all. Kugo, you can go get cleaned up.” The medic, who had to this point been silent behind her, gave her a nod.

“Thank you Captain.” He murmured, before skirting his way around Shikamaru who was standing almost in the middle of the doorway to the medical tent.

Shikamaru’s concerned look had changed to a moment of surprise at hearing her addressed as captain. Just as swiftly as the expression had appeared, it reverted back to a serious and stern expression where it remained unwavering as his arms crossed in front of him. She met his gaze once more, sighing as all of the fatigue of travel and all that had happened in the last 48 or so hours seemed to hit her all at once.

Shikamaru watched as her shoulders slumped slightly and she shook her head, her hair sending small droplets of water flying. “Do you mind if I get cleaned up as well, before I tell you what happened?” His arms loosened up at her sudden change.

“Yeah… I’ll show you to where you can get cleaned up.” Her nod conveyed gratitude as he moved forwards, Sakura trailing after him and back out into the rain.

They crossed the camp to a tent that was set up with a simple water pump system. There were two separate sides, obviously separated by gender, for which Sakura was grateful. Such things were a luxury during a war. “You can get cleaned in there. When you’re done come see me in the main tent. It’s over there.” He gestured to a large tent near the center of the encampment. Sakura nodded.

“Thanks Shikamaru.” He nodded back, his face still serious and calculating as he watched her turn and disappear into the tent.

Thoughts rolled through his head as he walked away. Already he had pieced together a fairly good idea of what had happened; the details were what Sakura would provide.

He knew they had been attacked. He knew that their squadron had arrived with an injured member being carried by a kunoichi, which he now knew was her. From her appearance it was clear that they had been running through the storm for a long time, and from the slight bags under her eyes it was clear that she had not slept much, if at all. This last observation wasn’t as troubling as the rest. Shinobi in a war rarely ever had time to truly sleep.

Then there was the matter of her being the captain. Medics were not captains; it went against everything written in the code of medics that Tsunade had created. Though he knew if anyone was an exception to that rule it would be Sakura. Yet even then, he was certain that she would never be named captain by Shizune. As it was, the only logical option was that she had become the captain after the original was killed.

What puzzled him now was why she was there at all. The last he had heard she had been sent back to the third division’s main encampment and was working alongside Shizune.  She would not have sent Sakura out on a support squadron mission when they had many other less vital medics they could send in her stead. From this he surmised that Sakura had most likely requested to go and Shizune had only sent her because she no longer needed her immediate assistance.

It was a lot to think about. Just seeing her standing in front of him had surprised him even before he had taken in how she looked. After he had seen her appearance, well, it was hard for him to notice much else.

There had been mud almost all the way up her legs, her pants clinging to her and her sandals coated to the point of being almost unrecognizable. Her arms were muddy and her hair was a scraggly mess of sopping wet pink. She was paler than when he last saw her and her skin looked clammy. He had also caught sight of the large smear of mud and what looked like blood wiped across her forehead. Seeing her there, looking like that, had made him feel…more worried than he had been in a while.

She was a part of the Rookie Nine and was someone he had considered a friend for a long time. He had always admired her for her strength and intelligence and valued her conversation and opinions highly.

Distinctly he remembered a mission before the war where he had found out exactly how well she could keep up with his deeper intellectual conversations and since then she had become someone he sought out when the Rookie Nine got together.

Seeing any of his close friends looking so worse for the wear after obviously coming out of a battle was enough to make even him concerned. Even though he knew looking like hell was more common than looking normal in the war.

Every night he went to bed wondering if he’d receive news that they’d lost someone in a fight. Each day he put it far out of his mind as he focused on where to send the next squadron and what strategy to employ.

He hadn’t really worried about her as he’d known where she was and knew she was safe. But now, now he realized how close they might have come to losing her and it dug into him in a way that he hated.

It made him think of Ino and Choji and all of the Rookie Nine, most of whom he hadn’t seen in far too long. Most of whom he knew were on, or just behind the front lines.

He was sitting in his desk chair now, his hands knit into a thinking position under his chin as he sat and waited for her, going over every bit of information he currently had in his head with the greatest scrutiny.

Sakura didn’t care that the water was cold. She’d stripped out of her clothing, holding each under the stream of water as she scrubbed at them lamely. The bulk of the mud had been washed off and her flak jacket and sandals were clean but still sopping wet. It was times like this when she was grateful that the material of the flak jackets and sandals didn’t easily stain and were very easy to wash out.

Said flak jacket and sandals had been hung up to dry alongside her headband and were soon joined by her wet, but mostly clean, clothing.

She had stepped back under the cold spray of water afterwards and began pulling and scrubbing at the knots in her hair first, managing to untangle most of them before washing it with soap she carried in her pack.

Her body came next and was the most difficult part to deal with as the mud had stained her feet an ugly shade of brown and had seeped through her clothing to stain her legs and arms as well.

Unfocused green eyes watched as the water pooling slightly around the drain went from a deep shade of brown to clear as she managed to scrub the last bit of mud off, leaving her skin stinging and pink from the rough treatment.

White towels, small but clean, were stacked in a basket in the corner of the bathhouse. The fabric wasn’t soft but served its purpose as she numbly went through the motions of wiping off her legs before working her way up. She tried her best to dry her hair, wrapping it in the towel before grabbing her pack to find a clean pair of standard issue clothes.

The scroll containing her clothing was still dry; luckily their packs were almost completely waterproof. With little effort she slid on a clean set of underwear, followed by the standard issue pants and long-sleeved shirt. It took her more time than she intended to wrap the leg wrappings around her lower calves and as soon as they were done she slid her feet back into her still wet sandals.

Once she was sufficiently dressed, she pulled the towel off of her head and tossed it in another basket alongside a towel that looked suspiciously bloodstained. Retrieving a brush from her pack, she pulled it through her hair, huffing each time she hit a stubborn knot. Her headband came next, tied in its usual fashion.

Her flak jacket should have been next but she knew it was still wet. The last thing she wanted to do was be in wet clothing again so she grabbed it and slung it over her pack, carrying both in her hand as she moved to exit the tent.

The rain was now only a light shower, easily shielded by hefting her pack and flak jacket over her head as a makeshift umbrella. She moved across the camp slowly, avoiding each and every puddle she could in an effort to keep her feet clean. It was a relief when she managed to do so and now stood outside of Shikamaru’s tent, hesitating on entering.

_“This is stupid, I’m getting wet again I should just go in.”_

No sooner had she thought this than his voice told her to enter. She did so with a ducked head, pulling the flap aside and lowering her flak jacket and pack.

He was standing now, leaning against the desk with his hands shoved in his pockets and his face as impassively serious as ever. Brown eyes focused on her as she glanced around the tent.

It was furnished modestly, as were all tents in war. A desk and three chairs were directly in front of her along with a large table scattered with scrolls, maps, and pencils. To the far right was a simple screen which no doubt hid a camp bed. To the left was a simple cabinet stuffed to the brim with more scrolls and paper. It looked like every command tent she had been in so far, if not slightly more modest than some.

Shikamaru was silent as she took in the tent, green eyes scanning over everything before returning to look at him. He could tell that she was slightly uncomfortable and tired from the way she shifted her weight and how her eyes were not nearly as bright as he remembered them to be. He removed a hand from his pocket and gestured to a chair as she made no move to enter any further into the tent.

“Sit and we’ll talk.” Sakura’s head ducked again slightly as she moved towards him, slipping into the chair while simultaneously placing her pack and flak jacket on the ground beside her.

Shikamaru remained where he stood, leaning against the desk while keeping eye contact with her. “Before you explain what happened, I want to know why _you_ are here.” Sakura gave him a sideways glance before setting her jaw. She’d supposed he’d want to know as much.

“I requested to be sent here. The wounded where I was stationed were dwindling and they didn’t need me. I heard the forwards encampment needed medics and I volunteered.” Once again she left out why she really wanted to come to the forwards encampment.

“So you were a part of the squadron but not initially the captain.” For a moment he thought she tensed at the title and narrowed his eyes slightly in observation.

“Yes, I wouldn’t have been named captain unless necessary. We were ambushed in what was supposed to be clear territory.” Her eyes slid to the floor as her brows scrunched in frustration at the memory. “They came at us from all sides; we were outnumbered. The captain was killed.” There she paused. “I called for us to fall back; there were only half of us left at that point. We ran for hours and ended up deep in enemy territory in a cave. One of our members was injured – side wound, contusions, profuse bleeding – I healed him and we spent the night and the next day there in order to recover and form a plan to get here.” Shikamaru listened intently, his mind already going over everything she said.

“You left last night then?” Sakura nodded.

“We had luck with the rain. It wasn’t until about two hours from here that we were attacked again, that’s where another one of us was poisoned. He’s recovering in the medical tent now. All six of us made it here. Two medics, one scout, two mid-range fighters.” He mulled over everything she said, taking in to account the smaller details he could fill in from her reactions.

Finally he sighed and pushed off of the desk, gaining her attention as he moved towards the table in the center of the tent. “Could you point out were ambushed?” Sakura turned in the chair to look at him standing over the map.

“Yes.” She stood slowly, moving to his side to stare at the map laid out in front of them. “It was about here. We ran this way….” Her finger moved towards near where the cave was located. “…and made it to there. We were attacked again here, on the way to this camp. The scouts didn’t show up until here.” His finger traced the route again with a deep frown. He was surprised at just how far they had travelled and irritated by how close the second attack was to the forwards encampment. They remained silent for a while longer, Shikamaru thinking over everything while absentmindedly rubbing his chin with a free hand.

Sakura shifted where she stood, hours of running and hiding and not sleeping starting to creep up on her once more. Her eyes drifted to Shikamaru, taking in his appearance as a means to keep herself occupied while he puzzled over everything she’d told him.

 _“He’s gotten taller since last year. Or maybe he’s just stopped slouching so much.”_ She stared at him for a bit longer, noticing how his jaw had become more defined and less rounded since she’d last taken a good long look at him. It was odd to her that she was just now noticing these things. She’d seen him since the war had started, she’d seen him before the war as well, and they still hadn’t stood out to her. _“Guess I really haven’t spent this much time observing him before.”_

She’d noticed Naruto and Sai’s changes since they were a constant in her life, but Shikamaru was more like a friend that popped up every once in a while to check in. There hadn’t really been a time for her to observe him like this.

It still felt strange for her to see Shikamaru here. From the very beginning she’d known that both Shikamaru and his father would be heavily involved with the strategy and planning of the war. It had come as little surprise to her when Shikamaru was pulled up to be the proxy commander for Gaara and the Fourth Division.

She’d worked with him on many projects and a few missions before the war and had known of his high intelligence since they were children. On missions he was level-headed and consistent, able to adjust a group with what appeared to be little thought, though she knew he could run through many scenarios in seconds. She’d always known he would be an excellent leader, maybe even a great Hokage, but it just wasn’t the Nara way. Proxy commander suited him. Behind the scenes and working to plan things far in advance was everything that the Nara embodied.

It was when she had turned her head to stop staring at him that he finally looked back at her. “I’ll send a report back to the main encampment with a summary of what happened.” Sakura’s eyes moved back to where he waited for her acknowledgement of his statement. A small nod was all he got in return.

He wondered what she wasn’t telling him. He could tell something was bothering her, years of Ino talking about how she acted when she was hiding something paired with his own previous observations made him certain about this, but he didn’t feel it was his place to pry and she certainly didn’t seem like she was willing to talk about it. However, it was his duty as the acting commander, and as her friend, to tell her to get some rest before he would allow her to work in the medical tent.

“Sakura.” Green eyes darted up at his stern tone, looking slightly uncertain. “You and your squadron need to get some rest.” Her pink brows knit together at that. While it was true she was tired, and emotionally drained, there wasn’t time for her to rest now.

“Shikamaru, I’m fully capable of helping out in the medical tent now and I know you need it. Protocol doesn’t apply to this situation.” He was about to refuse her when she cocked her chin upwards in defiance. “I’m one of only two medics left from my squadron; you could have used five more from the looks of things. I seriously doubt that those patients in there now will be the last batch of emergency patients you get. My guess is you’ll have more filling up those beds before the others are gone and if you _don’t_ let me help get the numbers down now, you won’t have anywhere to put them.” She informed him sternly.

His brown eyes closed for a moment as he rubbed at the back of his neck, Sakura catching his trademark “troublesome” as his dark eyes turned to stare disapprovingly back at her.

“I can’t deny that we need the help but I can clearly see that you are tired.” A sigh slipped past her lips as she uncrossed her arms, already shaking her head at Shikamaru.

“I’ve been tired since the war started; no amount of rest is going to fix that.” His gaze didn’t waver and neither did she. “I’ll rest tonight and I’ll be fine. You forget, I’m Tsunade’s student, I’ve pulled my fair share of 24 or 48 hour shifts.” Her last statement made him roll his eyes slightly as she moved back towards the chair, already reaching to collect her pack and flak jacket. “I appreciate your concern and I know if I was you I’d have done the same.” A small smile slid onto her face as she looked back at him over her slightly turned shoulder. “Don’t worry about me Shikamaru, I’m a medic, I’ll take care of myself. You’re the one who shouldn’t work too hard, commander.” The last bit was tacked on with an almost teasing glint in her eyes as Shikamaru waved her off with his hand.

“Your tent is near the med tent. I’ll come get you for dinner, Ino’d kill me if she knew I didn’t force you to get out of the med tent and eat.” Shikamaru now stood behind his desk, shuffling a paper into a stack as she turned to leave, taking that as her dismissal. It was her feet that faltered near the door as she looked back at him over her shoulder.

“It’s good to see you Shikamaru.” It was honest, something she didn’t have to say but did. He met her eyes and nodded slightly, returning the sentiment. With that she was gone, disappearing through the tent flap and back into the rain.

The tent that she was directed to by a passing shinobi was large, large enough for more than just her and her one pack. There were marks on the dirt floor of where other camp beds had obviously been set up and since been taken down. It was a tent that had was meant to house the other medics traveling with their initial squadron. The thought of why she had a tent to herself now was banished from her head as quickly as it had entered.

Instead she focused on the wonderful feeling of having such a large tent to herself. The tents at the main encampment were crowded and if you managed to get a tent to yourself, like she had, it was lower to the ground and smaller. You couldn’t ever stand up in it completely without hitting your head on the upper support beam. Pulling on clothing quickly in those tents was an exercise in logistics.

She did little more than toss her pack and flak jacket onto her empty camp bed before ducking back out of the tent to head back to the med tent.

“Haruno-san, cleaned up I see.” The head medic had spotted her the minute she walked in, meeting her halfway with a clipboard in his hands.

“What can I help with?” The man looked down at his clipboard, running a finger over the names and numbers on the sheet.

“Chest wound in bed sixteen. Needs additional healing, we only stabilized him. There’s a man with a burn on his leg in bed twenty over there. He’s lost most of his skin so it’s reconstruction work with grafts. Those two are the worst of it for now but most of the shinobi in here still need additional healing.” Sakura nodded, already shoving her sleeves up her arms.

“I’ll take the chest wound first. Can I do the healing in here?” He nodded.

“Feel free; we have nowhere else to put them.” Sakura was already moving away from him as the medic turned to finish his own work.

Time passed swiftly while she moved from patient to patient, fixing the worst of the wounded with her chakra while skipping those who only needed rest and standard care from the other medics. It was her job to deal with the worst patients, to pick up the slack where they needed it. Kugo was also working in the tent alongside the other medics monitoring and healing patients. She had waved to him as she passed him by.

Three men were healed enough to leave the medical tent by the time she was finished with them and the head medic discharged them to return to their units. Another six could leave after a vitals check the next morning.

Sakura was down to her last patient, a man who was complaining of a persistent pain under the skin of his forearm who turned out to have a piece of metal embedded in his arm from an old wound he’d self treated. He’d been brought in for a nasty gut wound that had healed completely, the only reason he was still in the medical tent was because of his previous careless actions.

“I don’t think I need to explain why this is a bad thing but obviously you didn’t listen to the lecture that wounds as deep as that one with _pieces of kunai in them_ need to be looked at by a medic and _not_ self treated.” She whipped around with a frustrated shake of her head telling a passing medic that he was to be discharged and sent back to his unit.

The rounds were finished but she still hadn’t checked on Asato and Morino. With a slight drag in her step that was the only indication of how tired she really was, she moved towards her former squadron.

Asato was awake and turned his head as she approached, Morino opting to pointedly avoid her glance and smile. “Good to see you awake, how are you feeling?” She reached out a hand and grabbed his chart, eyes running over the statistics listed.

“I feel fine now. Tired but fine. I have you to thank.” Sakura snagged a chair and sat in it backwards, hands resting lazily over the back as she waved him off.

“It’s my job, besides, you were still under my care and I couldn’t have that bad mark on my first and last stint as a captain.” Asato let out a breathy chuckle.

“You were a good captain Haruno-san. One of the best I’ve had actually.” She heard a halfhearted grunt of agreement from Morino as well. A glance his direction showed her he was still pointedly not looking at her, most likely still upset about being put on bed rest for the night. She brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, resting her chin on her crossed wrists.

“Thanks, it, well it wasn’t what I wanted of course, but I’m glad we got through it. Still medics aren’t captains in war.” She glanced at the empty chair on the other side of Asato’s bed and pointed towards it with her head cocked to the side to rest on her arm. “Did Ibi go to get some rest?” Asato nodded.

“He did and, well, I think you should too. I watched you healing those patients and I know you healed me as well. You’ve been in here and healing people for hours and we just got off a very tough mission.” Sakura raised her head slightly to defend her ability to still work when she saw Asato’s head perk up and his posture straighten.

“That’s two people now who’ve told you that you need rest. Maybe we’re right about it.” She twisted her torso around in the chair to stare at Shikamaru who had fulfilled his promise to come get her for dinner. She was once again struck by how weirdly normal he looked in this war.

 _“Maybe it’s because he’s always worn his standard issue uniform?”_ With a sigh she dismounted her chair and slid it back to its original position. Her eyes moved back to Asato and Morino.

“I’m glad you’re both healing well. If I don’t see you before you get discharged or if you get moved somewhere else, know that it was an honor to fight alongside you both. Stay safe out there and get some rest while you can.” An honest look was reflected back at her as both men nodded solemnly.

“You too Haruno-san.” Asato replied, Morino nodding while now meeting her gaze. With a satisfied nod she turned to Shikamaru who stood patiently waiting for her.

They walked side by side to the mess tent, Shikamaru’s head tucked down as the light rain dusted them both in a fine mist. It was normal for him to be silent and with her current levels of energy she wasn’t sure how much of an active conversationalist she would be. Besides, it gave her more time to enjoy the simple feeling of odd normalcy he provided.

The food she was given was slightly more appealing than her rations and the awful tasting soldier pills, but it still wasn’t fantastic. Rice topped with pork and some overcooked vegetables marinated in a simple broth was what was on the menu for the day. Both she and Shikamaru grabbed a bowl and a glass of water before finding an empty table.

He sat across from her as they both picked at their food, Sakura looking around the tent for a moment before deciding that small conversation with their meal would be an improvement.

“How did you get transferred to be the commander here? Last I heard you were at the fourth division’s main encampment after that attack with Gaara’s father. Choji and Temari were there too weren’t they, and Ino right?” She left out the part she had heard from Ino directly after that attack about how they had been forced to kill Asuma.

She had been healing the wounded from that offensive when Ino had come in, stone faced until she could get Sakura alone. Then she babbled to her about everything, silent tears started rolling down her face as she told of her Sensei’s praise at their growth and teamwork as they had sealed him after defeating him.

“We were all there. Afterwards Choji got sent out with another support squadron and Temari went with Gaara somewhere. Ino got transferred to a fifth division encampment.” He picked at his pork for a moment, eating some more before continuing. “This place has been dealing with the brunt of the wounded and is just behind the front lines holding off this side of the main battles. From a tactical standpoint it’s important. The Kazekage thought it best to send me here.” Sakura accepted his answer, shoveling more of the rice into her mouth as she gave the overcooked greens a disapproving look.

Shikamaru was curious about her as well. He’d heard snippets about what she had been doing in the war but not about her personally, just her actions and general whereabouts. He wondered if she’d heard or seen any of the other Rookie Nine recently. His questions were answered with her next comment while he wondered, not for the first time, if she could read minds.

“I saw Ino a few weeks ago. She was at my division right after your attack on the resurrected Kages.” Shikamaru nodded. He’d known about that.

“Have you seen anyone else? I know Naruto’s clones are everywhere and the real Naruto is around just as much.” Sakura shook her head at that with a fond and proud smile tugging at her lips.

“He’s trying to help everyone all at once and he’s doing so well.” Her smile diminished as she poked at the small amount of food left in her bowl. “I haven’t really seen anyone for the last few weeks. Lee and Gai-sensei were coming back to the main encampment the day I left. Since we’ve merged with the main medical encampment we’ve gotten a lot more people coming in. Sai…he’s been off with Kankuro’s division but they’re so hard to keep tabs on. I haven’t seen him, or heard anything about him in weeks. As for everyone else…I was hoping maybe coming out here would let me see some of them.” The last part of her statement was said in a tone that made Shikamaru understand immediately that it was some sort of an admission of guilt. For the second time she gave him a sad sort of grateful smile. “I meant it when I said I was glad to see you. Our movements haven’t been complementary so far.” He scoffed at that.

“Complementary? You make it sound like we’re trying to plan around random commitments.” She gave a simple shrug, obviously having chosen her words to lighten the mood and distract from her previous statement.

“Well they are random. Just a bit stronger than commitments. Necessary organized militarized attacks on a large scale with many people we, until very recently, were paid to work against, perhaps would be a better description.” Shikamaru’s eyebrow shot up at this as he fought off a very amused smile that threatened to burst his stoic image.

“That is a better description.” He took a sip of his water as Sakura gave him smug look knowing that she had managed to crack his indifferent front.

It had been a while since she’d felt this normal. It had also been a while since she’d managed to make Nara Shikamaru break his stoic exterior and she was enjoying it. Distractions like this were welcome and when they were with a friend they were all the better. It was just a shame that she was once again feeling the effects of her horrendous sleeping patterns and rough travel catching up with her.

She really wanted to stay at the table with him longer, talking and not thinking about the war. But all good things had to end and she would be there for a while longer and so would he, so they would have time to talk about other things.

Shikamaru noticed the way she was stifling a yawn behind her hand, trying to make it escape his notice, but he was too focused on her. Now all he could see were the bags under her eyes, the way her shoulders were slumped, and how she had begun to bounce her foot as a way to keep herself awake.

“Have you finished?” He gestured to her bowl as Sakura blinked down at it.  

“Ah, yeah, I have.” She grabbed it before he could, not noticing how he had been reaching for it before she had taken it. He retracted his hand and followed her in silence. They got to the entrance of the mess tent before he stopped her with an outstretched hand and an unwavering stare.

“I’ll walk you to your tent.” Sakura rolled her eyes but didn’t fight him this time. Even she knew when it was time to give in a bit.

“Wow this is starting to feel like a date. Dinner, you walking me back to my tent, such a gentleman you are.” He sighed deeply at her teasing tone and shook his head at her.

“Troublesome woman.” Sakura stuck her tongue out at him in a move that was childish, but she thought to be a perfectly good retort to his standard complaint in her tired state. He simply turned his head up to the sky for a moment and stayed silent as they walked around the puddles to her tent.

The flap to her tent was raised by his hand as the other gestured for her to go inside. “Get some sleep Sakura. The war will still be there tomorrow.” Her amused snort reached his ears as she walked into the tent with a wave. She knew his comment was meant to make her smile.

“Thank you Shikamaru. You get some sleep as well.” The tent flap dropped as she heard him mutter a goodbye under his breath before his footsteps trailed off and away from her tent.

After pulling out her bedroll and tossing it onto the camp bed she was all too happy to flop onto its surface with a heavy exhale of air. Her body was tired. Not the warm and sore kind of tired that came with excessive training or the lazy kind of tired one gained after lying in the sun or lounging around an apartment all day. No, this was a heavy and biting feeling that reminded her that she’d been running and fighting and tense for _hours_. Every muscle pulled her down, urged her to shut her eyes, to rest and get ready for another day. She couldn’t help but give in, knowing she wouldn't need the sleeping pills. She hadn’t even bothered to crawl into her bedroll.


	5. Overactive Brains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru's not a shrink.

Torn awake with a gasp, it took her a moment to realize where she was.

She’d seen his head severed in front of her, blood spurting and eyes lolling back. She’d seen it all.

Brown hair pulled into a spiky ponytail, hands holding the pose for a shadow jutsu that lingered until his body had hit the ground with a loud squelch. Ino downed with a kunai, Naruto still fighting, screaming, tortured, and oh, _oh_ _his_ _eyes_ rolling back, those _brown eyes_ rolling back. 

Sweaty palms pushed harshly at her eyes until the image dissipated into tiny dots of light. Her breathing was fast and the tent was suddenly too small. Shoving her feet into her sandals she practically ripped the tent flap open, stumbling out into the night.

Ambling across the encampment was the only thing she could think to do, hands gripping opposing arms as she steadied her breathing. It was a blind kind of walking, one only gained after a nightmare. She had made it halfway to the mess tent before she could force her thoughts to focus on her surroundings a bit better and control where her feet were taking her.

 _“I don’t remember falling asleep, what time is it now?”_ Her eyes turned to the sky where stars peaked out from the still scattered clouds. _“Ah so it’s not anywhere near morning.”_ Her head tucked down as she continued on, still focusing on trying to steady the swirling bout of phantom pain and anguish clenching at her heart. _“Maybe I should have taken that sleeping pill. But even that’s stopped working.”_

The nightmares were beginning to get ridiculous. Never in her life had she had so many and never had they affected her in her waking hours. It was weighing on her now more than ever. She just wanted to sleep, why could she not just _sleep_?!

Vaguely she registered a cool wetness on her cheek and stopped in her tracks, a shaky finger reaching up and pulling away a tear. It stunned her. For a moment she thought to laugh but it came out as a strangled noise in her throat as she angrily shoved her palms to her face and rubbed furiously to remove the sensation from her skin. This had gone too far, she did _not_ cry over nightmares. Not like this, not after everything she had done and everything she’d fought for.

Shikamaru woke up the moment he heard the noise outside of his tent. It sounded almost like an animal, but it had too much of a human tinge to it. Deftly he stood and slipped to the flap of his tent, nudging it aside with a kunai. He didn’t know what he expected to see but it wasn’t what he now saw.

The first thing his mind registered was that Sakura was standing outside his tent in the dark. The next was that her hands were furiously rubbing at her cheeks. The last, and most alarming, was that it must have been her that had made the strangled noise that had woken him up. This was all processed in a second as his mind struggled to wrap around why Haruno Sakura of all people was… was she _crying_?

The kunai was slipped back into his pouch as he impulsively stepped out into the darkness, eyes narrowed in concern and brain running through every possible explanation and reason for her to be there and what he was supposed to do about it. He had minor experience with calming down Ino but she and Sakura were different and usually Choji was there to take care of his blonde teammate.

Somehow this all went out the window when his hand reached out and placed itself on her shoulder, causing her to visibly start and nearly jump out of his touch.  It surprised him as much as it did her.

Wide green eyes and red cheeks turned to look at him with pain, surprise, and a tinge of anger that once more caught him off guard.

Her hands had dropped now as she gaped at him for a moment, mouth opening and closing as her face cycled through a range of emotions that had his face knitting into one of deeper concern.

Something in him took note of their current position. Standing in the middle of the pathway where anyone could see wasn’t what she needed. His rational mind finally provided something of use as he gripped her upper arm and towed her towards his tent before she could say anything.

She seemed to break out of her stupor the moment they were in his tent and pulled out of his grip. Her head turned away from him and was cloaked in shadows instantly. “Shikamaru… I’m sorry I went for a walk because I woke up…I… uh why are you up? It’s late.” He took a small step closer to her for a moment as he noticed the tenseness in her shoulders.

“I heard a noise. What’s going on Sakura?” He didn’t miss the way her eyes darted to his in the dark or the way they darted back to the floor before she spoke.

“I just, woke up and needed to get some air. The tent is so stuffy and humid from all this rain.” He sighed a sigh she recognized and dreaded hearing.

“I don’t want lies. You’re not sleeping even though I know you are tired; something more is going on.” Her eyes were back on him for a moment, moving away from his gaze once more.

“It’s nothing. Really, I’m alright. Just a rough night.”

Oh how he didn’t want to get involved. But, this was Sakura. She was his friend and the best friend of his very annoying blonde teammate who _would_ know what to do in this situation.

As it was, he couldn’t let her go without at least attempting to figure out what was going on. He knew from past experiences that Sakura wasn’t exactly keen on others intervening in her personal life and nor was she someone who allowed herself to show weaknesses easily. Which made it all the more concerning that she was outside in the middle of the night having what looked to be like a minor breakdown.

“What’s going on?” His tone was softer than the first time he asked but just as serious.

This time she looked at him, shame in her eyes and not at all a good look on her. This was not the strong, smart, and opinionated woman he knew; this was a blast from his past, her past. Standing in front of him was someone who briefly reminded him of a Genin Sakura. It changed when her jaw set and he saw her again as the woman she’d become.

He had moved towards the chairs, sitting in one as he fixed her with a steady gaze. She glanced at the chairs before slowly sitting.

It was silent for a moment as he observed her. Noticing the way she was scraping her thumbnail across the back of her opposite hand.

“How do you sleep?” It tumbled from her in a quiet breath. He wasn’t expecting her to ask him a question but he played along. Now he was starting to form an idea of what was going on.

“I sleep like a shinobi; when I can, where I can, and lightly.” She nodded. His answer was practical and plain, exactly what she expected.

“I do as well… I did.” He was surprised to see her fist clenching on her lap as she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth with her teeth. “I’m not weak. I can level people with one punch. You know how much I’ve seen. How much I’ve done.”

Their conversation had taken another detour apparently and he was now seeing what he assumed was a glimpse into the insecurities he had heard Ino mention to him for years. Many of what he had heard from Ino were no longer insecurities for Sakura but rather affirmations of what she had overcome.

He wouldn’t answer her, she wasn’t expecting him to, but he did nod.  

“And yet I’m not sleeping because I can’t get nightmares out of my head. Even sleeping pills aren’t working anymore. I know it’s normal to get them, but I’ve never, I’ve _never_ had them like this and it doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen so much worse than this war has brought me so far.” Her voice changed to a scoff as she lifted her head up and shook it with a wry smile. “I’m telling you this in your command tent in the middle of the night.”

Shikamaru suddenly understood her more than he thought he ever would in this weird moment. Something had caused her subconscious to dredge up horrible things while she slept. It sounded almost like a jutsu and for a moment, he wondered if it was.

This was not Sakura, not the way he’d seen her before, but it was also something he recognized on a deeply personal level. He knew exactly what she was talking about. He’d seen it in Kakashi, he’d seen it in a lot of older shinobi, hell, he’d seen it in himself more frequently than he’d care to admit.

 _“Somethings keeping her from dealing with it now.”_ Almost every shinobi had long since learned to push these things away, to keep the nightmares at bay. So why couldn’t she?

She was waiting for him to say something, anything, as she told him what she’d kept silent. Truthfully she wondered why she told him anything. She could have lied; she didn’t need to tell him. But something in her told her that he, of all people, could understand and wouldn’t overreact and could see through it all _and_ tell her what it was that she didn’t know.

She saw it in his eyes as they turned to look at her, fix her with an expression that looked like an apology and an affirmation all in one. He knew what she was talking about and it was a damn hard pill for him to swallow that she was experiencing…whatever this was.

“I…” He stopped, his lips pursing together for a moment as he rethought his next statement. “We all have our fears Sakura. It makes us human.” He watched in a moment as her face that had held a glimmer of hope for an explanation fell back into pain, into a look of embarrassment, confusion, and her eyes squeezed shut. She didn’t want to hear that lame excuse. She wanted answers.

He continued before she could jump to her feet and leave him. “The war is a catalyst. It’s dredging up things, feelings, fears, memories; you’ve seen it every day.” Sakura’s eyes opened again, slightly. Yes, she had seen it, she knew that answer but it wasn’t the one she wanted to hear. Who wasn’t haunted now? Even Naruto’s enthusiasm and optimism had been curbed by the war.  

His fingers itched for a cigarette that wasn’t in his pocket as his breath came out in a quiet exhale. “You’ve seen Kakashi, Tsunade, the veterans of the last war. They are reliving a nightmare. You know Kakashi’s records, Tsunade’s experiences.” Sakura gave a weak nod.

She knew the look in her former Sensei’s eyes that was almost always present. She knew he visited the cenotaph religiously and murmured words and stories to silent stone and carved names traced by countless fingertips. That haunted look that plagued those who lived longer than their comrades, their teammates. Those who had seen war and fought in it.

But she wasn’t like that. Her teammates were still alive. Even Sasuke, for all of his misguided mistakes, was still around to fight. Just not necessarily for their side.

There had been no war for Sakura before this one. She’d moved past much much worse than what she had seen so far. She wasn’t Kakashi, or Tsunade, or any of the veterans who were still haunted by lost comrades. So why was Shikamaru alluding to the idea that she was like them?

Shikamaru saw her face scrunch up in confused frustration again. He wasn’t cut out for explaining this, but he had to now. It was just so difficult to put into words. _“Why me?”_

“If you want a clinical answer, I can’t give it to you.” She was fidgeting with her hands again, not looking at him as he let his head flop back and let out a breath of frustration. “It’s not just you, I get it.” He admitted, staring at the canvas ceiling fluctuating above them with the night wind.

Sakura looked back up at his quiet admission. His jaw was rigid and his eyes were almost empty as he continued to stare at the ceiling.

“You too?” Her question came as a whisper to which he gave no immediate reply. She watched as he silently continued to ignore her, her own mind whirling with the notion that she wasn’t crazy, she wasn’t alone and Shikamaru, the genius of their generation, was going through a similar problem.

It was not something she thought she’d hear from him. “Maybe it’s because our brains just won’t shut off.” Sakura murmured, thinking back to a time when Kakashi had made such an excuse for why he had gone on a three day long mission and come back having not slept at all to the point of complete exhaustion.

Shikamaru’s head rolled forwards as he met her gaze, expecting to see some sort of a bittersweet expression but finding only honesty.

“I mean, it’s not like it would be hard to imagine. I often can’t sleep at home because my brain’s too busy thinking over things. Usually I can fix that during a mission and I’ve learned to ‘shut down’ to sleep but maybe, maybe the war has just, broken that response.” Her voice had taken on the inquisitive tone he knew so well from when she was forming a diagnosis or speculating about something. It was an improvement from her earlier state but the sudden mood changes were giving him whiplash.

Still, what she said was what he had thought for a while about his own problems. Especially since he knew she was also incredibly intelligent like he was. “I’ve already thought about that. It’s my working theory.” He mumbled as she raised a single pink eyebrow.

“Still doesn’t explain the nightmares when I do sleep.” Sakura added, her tone once more dipping into a depressing pitch.

Shikamaru leaned forwards a bit, shaking his head. “If you’re so busy analyzing everything, thinking about things, worrying about teammates and friends, it’ll leave you open for fears, doubts, things like that to come crawling back in. I’m sure I’ve heard Tsunade lecture me on that once.” Sakura caught his small attempt to cheer her up, in his own strange way.

It was almost awkward then. A strange feeling settling in her stomach as she realized he was the first person she’d talked to about this and oddly, the only person she could think to talk to about this.

She’d had the opportunity to mention it to Shizune, hell even Tsunade if she had wanted, but she didn’t. To her, they were both overburdened; they didn’t need to hear about her weakness and her petty nightmares. It was childish and stupid and yet, here she was, having an actual discussion about it with Nara Shikamaru who understood, who didn’t find it childish, who had a similar problem, and who was willing to discuss it without making her feel weak.

It was nothing short of amazing to her.

“You’re right Shikamaru. Maybe they’ll be better now.” Somehow she still doubted this and the look in his dark eyes told her he thought the same.  

He was silent, taking in the way her green eyes had settled now, still slightly rimmed in red where she had rubbed them, dark bags under them reminding him that for her, this was dangerous. She was a medic and needed rest to replenish chakra stores to heal, to fight. A sudden impulse made him want to find a way to get her to sleep and sleep well.

As much as he hated talking, he wondered if it would help. If baring his fears in an effort to get her to bare hers would help them both. But he was not one to expose himself, even for a friend like her it would be difficult and his very nature rebelled against it. _“No.”_ He decided. _“I’ll see if this talk worked.”_ Still, something made him say his next words.

“If you need to talk about anything Sakura, I’m here. But for now I think we should try and rest.” Sakura was obviously surprised by his response, knowing him to not be the first person to let others vent to him about their issues. Too many years of being teammates with Ino would do that to a person. For this very reason she couldn’t help but feel touched by his gesture.

“I will. I’m…I’m sorry I woke you up and I’m sorry I came in here and complained. But thanks Shikamaru, it means a lot.” Her small smile encouraged him slightly as she stood slowly, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles in her shorts.

He nodded to her, feeling drained after their conversation. Still he stood and walked with her to the entrance to his tent where she stopped him with a single look. “You don’t need to walk me back. Just, go back to bed and maybe pretend this never happened?” He gave her a long stare with a look that told her there was no way he was going to be able to do that. She cleared her throat and nodded before ducking out.

The sigh that escaped his lips was long and deep and accompanied with two fingers dragged across his eyes. He was still running through every moment of what had been the most unexpected and rather revealing conversation he had ever had with Sakura.

Everything they’d talked about had dredged up the fact that he too had been plagued nightmares in the form of friends lying dead around him as he had been the one to call the order that killed them. Images of Asuma’s face on all of his phantom opponents still haunted him at night.

But he was better off than she was. He dealt with it, he could get back to sleep, move on. She didn’t seem to be able to close it off, not even a little bit like he could.

He sat down on the camp bed with a slight grunt, pulling at his ponytail holder before letting the strands of thick brown hair fall to his shoulders for a brief moment before tying them back up again. Staring at the plain screen in front of him forced the image of her face when he’d first touched her shoulder to the front of his mind. Quickly he shoved it out of his mind and closed his eyes.

 _“I’m not cut out for this.”_ Another sigh escaped him as he shucked off his sandals and lay back on the cot with his hands behind his head. Now he was staring up at the canvas ceiling again, breathing even and mind drifting between Sakura and her problems and wondering what he was supposed to do about it now that he knew.

He couldn’t just forget it like she’d suggested. She was a friend, a good friend, who was going through something she hadn’t experienced to this extent before.

His eyes shut for a moment as he came to the conclusion that he would keep an eye on her for now. There was no way he was going to let her go back to the main encampment without getting some of the nightmares under control. Nagging thoughts in the back of his mind reminded him what happened to chakra when one wasn’t rested. Of what happened to shinobi in a war with no chakra.

Again the thoughts of all those little dots on his map that represented squadrons filtered into his head. She wasn’t one of those vague little dots. She was here; he could make some sort of a difference to her.

He focused on evening his breathing as he tried his best to fall back asleep. He thought of clouds, of Konoha, Choji, Ino, anything to filter out his other thoughts and empty his mind. Still, the last thought that came through his head before he forced his body to sleep was a troubling one. _“If she hadn’t told me, would she ever have told anyone?”_  

The answer came too quickly. _“No.”_


	6. Slug Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To clarify:  
> -Sakura has not yet awakened her seal  
> -I'm taking a liberty with being able to summon Katsuyu thanks to a special scroll, I have no idea if Katsuyu could transport scrolls by disappearing and reappearing somewhere else to a different summoning scroll but let's go with that.  
> -Tsunade was in a coma after the attack on Konoha but is active and off doing her thing  
> -Shizune also has a Katsuyu summoning scroll for emergencies.  
> This chapter might be shorter than the others but I felt it was a good place to end it.  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of my wonderful readers and commentators! I really do appreciate your comments and I encourage you all to give me ideas or simply share your thoughts on this fanfic. Enjoy!

Morning arrived in the encampment in a way that Sakura thought was punishment for having dumped all of her problems on Shikamaru the night before.

It had taken her hours to fall asleep after she had talked with Shikamaru. Hours of turning on an uncomfortable camp bed as she replayed every moment of their conversation.

It had made her feel minutely better, talking with him. She felt a bit relieved that she wasn’t going insane, but the odd feeling in her chest after hearing his thoughts on the matter hadn’t disappeared. This is what had nagged at her mind until finally; exhaustion pulled her back into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

A sleep that she was currently being woken up from by loud shouts and a banging on the frame of her flimsy tent.

“Haruno-san! Incoming wounded! You’re needed!”

The words had her up and pulling on her medical skirt in a flash. Her flak jacket, lab coat, and sandals followed. The finishing touch was her headband tied tight around her head in its usual fashion.

It was light outside when she dashed out of her tent and towards where a stream of people were flowing in and out of the med tent.

Shinobi lay on stretchers, on backs of comrades and summons, moving inside like a bloody river.

Sakura nearly cut off a man who was limping into the medical tent as she dashed under the flap and into a sea of wounded.

Every bed was full and still there were wounded standing around, clutching at wounds and helping comrades. The scent of iron and disinfectant was overwhelming mixed in with the various smells of the shinobi themselves. Sweat and what smelled like acrid smoke were the two most prevalent odors emanating from the wounded.

From her brief assessment she could see that many of the wounded looked burnt, likely the victims of a fire attack or an explosion. The thought brought a lump to her throat as she wondered who had caused the injuries and her mind drifted to her wayward former teammate.

“Haruno!” Her head whipped up, mind rapidly focusing back on the task at hand as she forced her body to slip into what Tsunade called ‘medic mode.’

“Where do you want me?” The words spilled from her lips as the head medic passed off the healing of a young shinobi with extensive stab wounds to another medic.

“Anywhere, everywhere. Take the hard cases.” With a bark of these orders he was gone; moving to take over the stab wound shinobi once more.

Sakura stood for a second, hands reaching up to pull her hair into a ponytail before setting her jaw and scanning for the nearest serious patient.

She didn’t have to look far. All around her there were serious cases. She found herself rushing to the side of a shinobi being carried in by two others. They laid him on an open camp bed before rushing over to help a medic move in more wounded.

The shinobi in question was bleeding profusely through hastily wrapped bandages that crisscrossed his abdomen and one of his legs. Assessing the injuries took mere seconds.

_"Large lacerations to the left side and stomach, stab wound to the right leg, possible arterial damage."_

Sakura braced herself for a moment as she tore off the bandages, hands flying to apply pressure as the blood began to flow again. Green healing chakra filtered swiftly out as she focused on stopping the bleeding before going to work on knitting everything back together.

Her chakra revealed a perforated bowel; that was the first thing she healed, being sure to pull out as much of the seeping toxins as she could. The rest was standard tissue healing and took her no time at all. A quick pass over his leg healed the arterial damage and sewed up the wound to a gash instead of a gaping hole. Swiftly she stood and motioned for the nearest available shinobi to bandage his leg, already turning to her next patient.

Four patients later and the wounded had stopped flowing in, leaving the tent over-capacitated and full of groaning shinobi and shouting medics.

The patient she was currently working on had crashed once already, a wound to her chest cavity having collapsed her lung. Sakura had slammed her palms into her chest and brought her back once, fighting again as she worked with another medic to repair the damage before the kunoichi’s heart could stop once more.

“Don’t you _dare_.” She hissed as her chakra felt the woman’s heart muscle faltering, forcing her to use more around the perforated lung until it was once again intact and inflating.  Almost instantly the kunoichi’s raspy wheezing changed to a shuttering breath before evening out.

A small sigh escaped Sakura’s parched throat as she finished healing the major damage before leaving the rest to the other medic.

The kunoichi, from Iwagakure judging from the flak jacket she wore, would live to fight another day though she’d be out of the fight for a while. She’d be rotated back to the main medical encampment with the other serious cases tomorrow if Sakura could have any say in the matter. They just didn’t have the room or the time to keep so many patients when more could come in at any moment.

A moment of relief was all Sakura allowed herself as she looked at all of the wounded.

This encampment was never supposed to have a large medical station. But now it had become a hub for incoming wounded that couldn't be directly transported through enemy territory to the main medical encampment. 

She wiped the sweat off her brow as she moved to the next serious patient.

So went the next four hours until finally, _finally_ , the cases dropped from life-threatening to moderate. All of the serious cases had been moved to one side of the med tent and were being monitored by a few available medics. The rest of the cases were those that weren’t necessarily life-threatening, but serious just the same.

She had just finished fixing a broken arm when she turned to find Shikamaru talking with a man a few camp beds down from her. The shinobi was wearing a Konoha flak jacket but had a face Sakura barely recognized. He and Shikamaru were in a hushed conversation that had Shikamaru’s forehead creasing in a manner that told Sakura the news was worrying.

She paused for a moment, thinking over whether disturbing them would be wise when the conversation was so serious and ultimately settling against it as she noticed the head medic walking swiftly towards her.

“Haruno-san. I’m grateful for your help today. Without you we would have been overrun.” Sakura nodded, noticing the way the head medic kept glancing between her and the patients.

“I’m glad I was here.” It was the most honest statement she’d given in weeks.

“Well your chakra and healing prowess were more than we had hoped for.” The man gave a gruff sort of nod as if thanking her again before excusing himself as a medic called him over. Sakura watched him go with a lighter feeling in her chest.

She loved the feeling of having contributed to something. It was her nature as a medic to love to heal, though she despised the circumstances that required her to heal on such a large scale.

Stretching her arms in front of her she meandered over towards Shikamaru, who was now seemingly finished chatting with the Konoha shinobi.

He spotted her instantly, his eyes taking in her appearance and finding the look of splattered blood on her white lab coat a discomforting sight. Her green eyes found his as she approached him and he could tell from a glance that she had questions for him as he had questions for her.

“Hey Shikamaru, any news?” Her voice dropped to a slight whisper as her eyes darted towards the Konoha shinobi sitting on the camp bed for a brief moment.

He gestured for her to follow with a lazy movement of his hand. As they moved, he flagged down a medic that passed them by to let them know Sakura would be in the command tent if needed. Sakura took that opportunity to pass her bloodstained lab coat to the medic and requested that it be cleaned with the others when possible. The medic nodded and scurried off as Shikamaru paused a moment, waiting for Sakura to rejoin his side.

Sakura was becoming slightly nervous. If it was news that couldn’t be shared in the medical tent then it was most likely serious. Or perhaps it involved their friends? She wasn’t sure but the suspense and the lazy way that Shikamaru was moseying across the compound was making her antsy.

“So is this all of the expected wounded? We’re over-capacity right now.” Her question was both a distraction from the infuriatingly silent walk to his command tent and a legitimate concern. He nodded, not bothering to comment further as Sakura recognized that he was perhaps too deep in thought about whatever it was he was going to tell her and that she’d be better off just going with it.

She knew Shikamaru well enough to realize that he rarely spoke when deep in thought or strategizing and if one didn’t know him, they could be easily offended or alienated by his silent demeanor. But she understood him. She was often the same way, so much so that she once caused major offense to an envoy visiting the hospital because a particularly difficult case had been occupying her mind during their tour.

Still, she nearly sighed in relief when they finally reached Shikamaru’s tent and were safely inside.

It took great restraint to wait for him to motion for her to sit in the chair in front of his desk. As soon as they both were seated, she focused solely on him.

Noticing her gaze, he raised a brow but then sighed and thought for a brief moment about where to start. He figured telling her about the wounded first would be the best idea.

“The wounded today were involved in an attack on the Zetsu clones and apparently ran into some bombs set up along a northern route.”

 _“That explains the burn victims.”_ Sakura thought, nodding at him to continue.

“Apparently it was successful enough to keep the Zetsu forces at bay from that side for now.” His head tipped back a bit as he brushed a piece of lint from his pants. “There’s an increased offensive taking place near here. We’re to expect to receive the wounded that need immediate care, the rest are being diverted back to the main medical encampment.” Sakura nodded, already realizing that she’d need to stick around the encampment longer than she initially planned.

 _“But I don’t mind staying here. I’m more useful and I’m with a friend.”_ Guiltily she amended that to wanting to stay with a friend who understood what was going on with her. Shizune had been a welcome presence at her main encampment but Shikamaru was proving to be different.

“I’m staying here longer.” Brown eyes met hers with a nod.

“The shinobi I was talking with reported seeing Tenten with the support squadron that came in with a few of Naruto’s clones.” Sakura’s attention was immediately piqued again as her heart clenched slightly in her chest. Her green eyes searched Shikamaru’s expression for any sign of bad news, dreading and hoping and worrying all at once.

He caught her worried look and forced himself to lighten up his expression even as his head was busy thinking about what a renewed attack could mean for all of them. “She’s alright. They were on their way to be rerouted back to the First Division’s main line of defense but were ordered to assist this offensive on their way.”

Sakura let out a small sigh of relief. She leaned back slightly in her chair, crossing her legs and arms nearly simultaneously as her mind began to drift to everything else Shikamaru had said now that she knew Tenten was alright.

“What do the renewed attacks mean for this encampment? We’ve already established the increase in wounded but there’s the matter of the rogue attacks near this encampment and the transportation of supplies and wounded back to my main encampment. They’ll need a safe route and right now, that’s not guaranteed.”

Shikamaru’s gaze flickered to her face as she voiced exactly what he had been thinking about. Once more he wondered if she could read minds.

Sakura said no more as she waited for Shikamaru to add his thoughts to the mix. Instead of answering her, he stood, motioning almost absentmindedly for her to follow him to the map. She stood swiftly, moving with him until they were both standing over the creased surface of the large area map.

“All we need is a secured pathway.” He murmured, a finger tracing along a route towards the main encampment as he tapped almost too harshly on the map’s surface.

Sakura scanned the map with the utmost scrutiny. She knew the route she had been on had been watched; hence the reason they were ambushed. The group she was with had also not been small which meant the rogues with either getting braver or more desperate for the supplies that their envoys carried.

Something in her suspected the latter. Straightening slightly, she crossed her arms over her chest, catching Shikamaru’s attention. “The rogues are getting bolder. I have a suspicion that they’re running out of supplies and have few ways to get them.” She leaned forwards once more, her green eyes now shining as her brain began linking together more ideas.

“Look.” Her finger stretched out, running a line along the map with ease. “We’ve been moving large amounts of our squadrons through here for about two weeks. The front lines have become more stable here since then. These pockets of rogues are concentrated here.” Her other hand drew a swift circle around the area that she had recently traversed with her squadron. “They’re cut off from their forces on the front lines and our forces are putting pressure on them so they can’t move around freely.”

Shikamaru watched as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. In that moment he caught a glimpse of her beryl eyes with a spark in them that nearly made him forget the horrified look he’d seen in them the night before.

The tone of her voice had changed into an animated pitch that Shikamaru remembered hearing often when she had an idea that turned out to be correct. He had a feeling that she was very right in this instance as well. All of what she was saying was making sense and he wasn’t surprised she’d picked up on it, just a little surprised he hadn’t picked up on it as quickly.

She was waiting for him, her wide eyes fixed on his face as he observed the map despite already having formulated his thoughts on everything she’d said. “It’s highly likely. They attacked a squadron clearly full of medics. That is a good indicator that they’re in need of supplies.” He stood up straighter as he nodded to her. “For now it’s the best idea we have.” Sakura’s pride soared as she gave him a confident look even as her eyes were drawn back to the map.

“The big question is, how do we take care of this without sending out our shinobi in large numbers? We don’t have the resources right now and they know this terrain better than we do.” Shikamaru rubbed at his neck with a tired expression.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Inwardly he amended that statement to that’s what he’d been trying to figure out the entire war.

Sakura tugged at her ponytail for a moment, tying it back up before shaking her head at the map. “We’ll figure it out. Still, we should let the Third Division's main encampment know.” She watched as Shikamaru moved away from the table with a slight nod of his head, travelling towards his desk. He picked up a piece of paper and a pen, tossing it to Sakura who caught it instinctively, an eyebrow rising at him questioningly.

He motioned towards the paper as he leaned against his desk in response. Sakura merely shook her head at him and moved to his side, setting the paper on the desk before leaning over it to write.

“I’ll send it to Shizune-san, she’ll be able to take it to Kakashi-sensei if he’s finally back at the main encampment. You haven’t told her about the new wounded yet have you?” She glanced at Shikamaru to see him shake his head.

“Just about your squadron.”  A strange expression briefly crossed Sakura’s face as she nodded and began scrawling words across the paper.

 _“What was that expression I wonder.”_ He looked on silently as Sakura’s hand moved in smooth strokes across the page, detailing everything that had occurred and including a brief account of the amount of wounded and the varying injuries.

Also included was the knowledge of an increased offensive and a request that Kakashi look over the information as well as he was their commander. Most importantly, she included their ideas about the attacks on their squadrons. Sakura was nearly finished when she thought of something else to add. In short terms she wrote that she’d be needed at the forwards encampment unless otherwise directed to join in an attack. _“The medics are still understaffed but sending another support squadron would currently be unwise.”_

After she signed off with her signature, she passed the paper to Shikamaru who took it and scrawled his name under hers after reading over it and giving his approval.

Sakura straightened and bent back slightly, making her stiff back pop with a satisfied sigh. At this she received a look from Shikamaru who had since shoved their message into a small round cylinder.

“Can you use your summons to send it?” Sakura blinked at him momentarily, not expecting to be entrusted with sending a message.

“I suppose. But Katsuyu-sama is not my summons Shikamaru. Tsunade-shishou gave me a scroll so I can summon her but we haven’t made a true pact yet.” His eyebrows pulled together as she pulled said scroll out of her hip pouch, unfurling it on the table.

“I thought you’d made a pact. I’ve seen you with Katsuyu before.”

She shrugged. “That was always because Tsunade-shishou had summoned her.” She offered no more information, instead biting her thumb, smearing the blood on the scroll before swiftly forming the hand signs and slamming her thumbs down on the paper. There was a brief bright light as the seals on the scroll glowed blue before a tiny version of Katsuyu appeared with a pop and a puff of smoke.

“Sakura-san! Shikamaru-kun!” The tiny slug waggled her eyes stalks at them in greeting as Sakura gave her a warm smile.

“Katsuyu-sama, I’m glad to see you.” She watched for a moment as Katsuyu swiveled to look at Shikamaru, taking in the command tent as well. She wiggled her head slightly before focusing her eyes back on Sakura.

“I was surprised you summoned me Sakura-san, Tsunade-sama told me she gave you a scroll to do so but you haven’t used it at all. I took that as a good sign. What is it that you need?” Sakura looked briefly at Shikamaru who held out the container with the scroll.

“We need this delivered to Shizune.” Katsuyu stared at the scroll for a moment before turning back to Sakura.

“I can transport it for you but I will require some of your chakra as we are not yet contracted. Tsunade-sama’s chakra is recovered but since you summoned me, this part of me is not linked with her.” Sakura nodded, holding out her hand to allow Katsuyu to crawl onto it. From there she channeled a ball of green chakra into her palm, watching as Katsuyu quickly absorbed it and then moved back onto the desk. 

“Shikamaru-kun, I will take the scroll now.” He nodded towards the slug, holding out the scroll as Katsuyu swiftly consumed it, wiggling her eye stalks at Sakura as soon as she was finished. “I will deliver this to Shizune-san. I ask that you are careful Sakura-san, it is good to see you are well.”

Sakura smiled fondly at her and nodded. “When you see Tsunade-shishou and Shizune-san, say hello and tell them both to stay safe. Keep an eye on Tsunade-shishou for me. Thank you Katsuyu-sama.” Katsuyu gave one last wiggle before popping back out of existence leaving Shikamaru and Sakura once again alone in the tent.

“Never thought I’d use a slug to send a message.” Sakura rolled her eyes, sitting down in the chair with a sigh.

“Katsuyu-sama is perfect for what we needed her for. She’s a great ally to have. The ability to remotely heal through her is invaluable.” Brown eyes took in her expression as she reached up and rubbed at a spot on her forehead.

“Headache?” He wondered aloud, her eyes drifting to where he stood. With a shake of her head she let her hand drop back down.

“No, just thinking about things…” She trailed off slightly before bringing up a new topic. “Have you eaten? I’m beginning to remember that I haven’t.” With a small smile she stood and brushed off her hands on her medical skirt.

“I haven’t.” He murmured, following as Sakura meandered her way over to the door.

“We both need to eat. It won’t do us any good to starve ourselves in a war.” Her tone was slightly teasing as she lifted up the tent flap and stepped out into the sun.

“Troublesome woman.” Shikamaru muttered under his breath with a slight smirk tugging at his features as Sakura practically rounded on him with a narrowed eye gaze.

“What was that Nara?” Her usage of his last name had him sighing and waving her off with one hand.

“Nothing, let’s go eat.” A self-satisfied expression graced her face as she clasped her hands behind her and took the lead once more. Shikamaru following dutifully behind her with his hands firmly in the pockets of his pants and a relaxed expression on his features despite all that was on his mind.


	7. Dinner and a Scroll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Shizune make and appearance.  
> Sakura and Shikamaru eat food and chat.  
> Sorry for the delay I was at a lake with no signal for the past two weeks.  
> *Edit* I forgot the last part of the chapter! Sorry about that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking at ask-multisaku's art on tumblr is inspiring me! I just adore the new shikasaku pieces!  
> Check them out here: http://ask-multisaku.tumblr.com/

 

The mess tent was more crowded than the day before but there were still a few tables free. Sakura felt eyes on her and Shikamaru as they moved to grab a plate and get some food.

The smell of miso soup made Sakura’s mouth water as she scooped up a bowl and placed it on her tray with an appreciative nod to the cook. Shikamaru mimicked her movements, following as she grabbed a bowl of rice before heading towards a suitably empty table.

She had sat them off to the side of the tent, away from most of the other shinobi so that they might have a discussion without feeling overcrowded. Sakura knew Shikamaru appreciated not having to make small talk with anyone, let alone strangers, and she truthfully didn’t feel like speaking with anyone other than him at that exact moment.

They sat and began eating in silence, much like the day before. The first sip of miso had her humming in acceptance as the taste was much better than what she had been eating. She spooned more of the broth out of the bowl and brought it to her lips, blowing on it gently as Shikamaru absentmindedly picked at his rice.

She watched as he raised a bit to his mouth, chewing it slowly. Quietly she sipped at her soup, almost zoning out as her thoughts drifted to how strangely normal it was to be sharing a meal with him. _“We never did this in Konoha but it’s nice to share a meal with a friend. There were always so many of us when we went out to eat that it was practically a free-for-all.”_ This line of thinking had her creasing her brow slightly. _“I wonder why we never had a meal together, we’re friends after all and I remember going out to lunch with a few of our friends individually after running in to them in the market but Shikamaru was never around to grab something to eat.”_

On his third bite he noticed her observing him over a spoonful of miso and raised a brow in a questioning look that was almost becoming routine around Sakura.

“Is there something on my face?” Sakura blinked at him owlishly for a brief moment before realizing that she’d been staring.

“Ah no, sorry I was just thinking.” His eyes remain affixed to hers as he lowered his chopsticks and waited for her to elaborate as he knew she was likely to do.

“We never went out to eat in Konoha.” The odd statement was punctuated with a flourish of her chopsticks as she poked at a chunk of rice before popping it in her mouth.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I remember being dragged out for those dinners at Ichiraku’s and that barbeque shop Chouji likes extremely often.” He watched as her green eyes rolled and she shook her head.

“Not the group dinners. I meant I don’t remember the two of us ever sharing a meal. Not even on a mission. There was always someone else with us. I was just thinking about it.” Shikamaru thought about it for a second before acknowledging that, as weird as her statement seemed, they had never shared a meal before. Not the two of them anyways. He remained silent as they both went back to eating.

 Sakura’s mind was still whirling away as it drifted from odd thoughts on dinner companions to wondering if Shizune had gotten her message and passed it on to Kakashi. The name of her former sensei and current commander had her wondering how he was doing. “Have you heard anything from Kakashi-sensei lately?” She questioned.

Shikamaru shrugged. “Not directly but I’ve heard about him. He was with Naruto on that frontal offensive.” Sakura nodded. She’d heard about that as well. She’d known he was doing well after said offensive as she hadn’t been called to heal him. Shizune had promised her if anything happened to her boys she’d be called back.

“Guess no news is good news then.” Shikamaru gave a nod as he watched her eyes move to her empty bowl and then back upwards with a small huff. “I think this whole thing is dragging on longer than any of us expected.”

It was the subtle expression of pain and sadness creeping onto her face that made him sigh and shake his head. “Things rarely work out the way we want them to. Especially when it involves insane people with delusions of world domination.”

She made a noise in her throat that sounded like a scoff as she shoved another bite of rice into her mouth and picked at the wooden surface of the table with a blunt nail.

Once again the look of haunted tiredness was plain for him to see on her face. Memories of the night before and that same look accompanied by red eyes and damp cheeks had him wondering if there was anything he could do. It made him…frustrated? Angry? Unnerved? He couldn’t place the exact feeling, but he disliked seeing her with an expression so like what he had seen in his mirror at home on nights when he couldn’t sleep.

“It will end.” Sakura blinked up at him, not having expected him to speak. Dark brown eyes filled with a serious look of honesty caught her off guard. Her own eyes glanced back down for a moment as she gave a small nod.

It was silent between them as Sakura gathered up her empty bowls and stood, waiting for him to do the same before walking towards the entrance.

“I’d better check the med tent again. Do you need me for anything else?” She slid up the sleeves on her standard issue shirt as she turned towards where he stood with his hands already slipping back into his pants.

“I’ll let you know if I do. If you get a message back from Kakashi, come to the command tent.” Sakura nodded, taking a step forwards before turning back to look at Shikamaru.

“I’ll leave the scroll here. if Katsuyu appears, come get me, otherwise, I'll see you at dinner.” A nod was his reply before she placed her summoning scroll on the table and turned towards the med tent leaving Shikamaru to watch her.

He stood and waited until her pink hair all but disappeared between the groups of shinobi moving around the compound. When she was gone he brushed his hair back with a hand, rubbing at the soft hair at the base of his neck for a brief moment.

The walk to the command tent was punctuated by small murmurs of greeting from shinobi who recognized him and sideways glances from those simply passing him by. There was no one waiting in the silent command tent when he stepped inside and for this, he was grateful.

A glance at his main desk showed him that a new scroll had been delivered. Orders from Gaara or someone else he supposed. It was unfurled and unsealed with a few select hand signs and then quickly read and analyzed before being destroyed with a simple fire jutsu.

 _“We’ve redirected the northwestern squadron again. Gaara must be heading that direction.”_ Shikamaru stood peering at the map stretched out on the table in front of him, rubbing his neck as he mentally placed another dot on the forwards lines.

A long ways from their forwards encampment, a pop and puff of smoke awoke Shizune from the two hour long nap that had been her first real rest since she had finished analyzing a poison taken from the blood of a deceased shinobi. Swiftly she stood with a kunai in hand, glancing around the tent in a quick sweep only to see that it was empty. Confused, she straightened and was about to move towards the tent flap when she heard a small voice coming from her shoulder.

“Shizune-san.” The darker haired woman blinked and tried her best to focus on the small slug perched on her flak jacket.

“Katsuyu-sama! Why are you here is Tsunade-sama in trouble?!” Shizune raised a hand to her shoulder, waiting as Katsuyu crawled on before bringing her to where she could better see her. The slug waved her eye stalks slowly as if to placate her now worried comrade.

“No Shizune-san. I have a message from Sakura-san. She instructed me to deliver it to you.” The surprised look on her face was gone as swiftly as it came, giving way to a relieved sigh.

“I had only heard about her squadron, not about her. If she’s sending me a message it must be important.” Katsuyu obliged, slowly regurgitating the scroll for Shizune who took it and tucked it in her pocket after seeing Kakashi’s name scrawled alongside her own. She’d read it with him then, no sense in reading it twice.

A small sigh escaped her lips as the slug cocked her head to the side and waggled her eye stalks once more. “Is there something wrong Shizune-san?” Shizune’s eyes moved to look at Katsuyu who was doing her best to look as concerned as one could when they were a slug.

“How is Sakura? Did she look ok?” Shizune’s thoughts were still weighed down with guilt as she thought of what she had let Sakura go in to.

She knew she was capable, the strongest kunoichi alive and a medical nin who had surpassed her, but this was a war where even the strongest could fall. Hearing the news about the decimation of the support squadron had sent her reeling. The effects of which lasted long after she had heard that Sakura had survived and was now safely at the forwards encampment.

The guilt of it all had been eating her alive, so much so that she had yet to inform Tsunade about any of it other than Sakura’s whereabouts. She didn’t want to worry her or add any more stress to her mind after only just getting her back again.

 “She is doing fine Shizune-san. Sakura-san is strong.” Shizune gave a small nod and a smile to show her appreciation. Katsuyu wiggled slightly in return.

“You can stay for a while Katsuyu-sama, I’m sure Kakashi-san will want to send a message back to Sakura and he might have questions for you as well.” Katsuyu gave an affirmative movement with her eyes stalks as Shizune ducked out of her tent and turned towards the command tent where Kakashi had arrived only hours before.

The command tent of the Third Division’s main encampment was almost never empty. Messengers carrying scrolls were common as were groups of higher ranking shinobi pouring over maps and discussing orders. Kakashi was not quite as common as he often was out leading offensives and only came back to the main encampment when he was not directly needed.

For this reason, Shizune was glad to see his familiar poof of spiky silver hair sitting behind the desk. He took no notice of her for a moment as she stood silently in front of his desk, waiting for him to finish scrawling what looked like chicken scratch across a scroll. Catching the name Genma scrawled at the top, she realized that his terrible handwriting was likely intentionally being worsened in an effort to annoy said man.

With a final flourish of a henohenomoheji, the scroll was rolled up, sealed, and set aside. Only then did a tired looking grey eye move to her face.

“Shizune-san, do you need something?” His voice was even though he looked tired, something she herself could understand exceedingly well.

“Katsuyu-sama has delivered a message to me from Sakura, it’s addressed to us both though I haven’t read it yet.” Kakashi’s expression grew serious as he leaned forwards slightly, hands knitting together in front of his face.

“Read it aloud then please.” Shizune nodded, resting the scroll on the table in order to perform the hand signs to release it before unfurling it and beginning to read.

It started out as a standard report, detailing the amount of wounded they’d received due to an attack on their front lines that had ultimately been pushed back. There was a mention of bombs used in the attack causing burn wounds as well as standard injuries that were deemed serious. It was after this that the report quickly became more intense.

“We have new intelligence about an increased forwards offensive that will result in incoming casualties. We will shoulder a portion of the critical wounded but will be sending as many cases as we can to the main encampment. This encampment is not equipped to deal with high volumes of wounded, nor do we have the medics required for such. Though the medics are understaffed, sending more squadrons would be unwise. We would lose more than we could save. It is for this reason that I will remain here where I am currently of more use unless needed for an offensive.” Kakashi nodded as Shizune paused and looked at him for confirmation.

“Also, there has been a discussion about the increasing number of rogue attacks in this area, including the attack on the squadron I was placed with. Our theory is that they are running out of supplies and are targeting any squadron they can to obtain them. Their position is cut off from their supply routes and as such, all medical envoys heading back to the main encampment during this increased forwards offensive will be at risk of being attacked while they are already severely wounded. As of yet we haven’t thought of any way to eliminate them without using a large amount of shinobi. Please have Kakashi-sensei look this over and send me a reply as quickly as possible with confirmation on what to do on our end. Shikamaru is the current commander of this encampment; Kakashi-sensei will know this and may have questions for him that I cannot answer. Please be safe.  –Haruno Sakura, Nara Shikamaru.” Shizune’s hands lowered as Kakashi took the scroll from her and placed it on his desk.

Shizune stood quietly for a moment as she suddenly felt a rush of pride for Sakura. The will of fire was certainly alive in her heart. There were of course the worries about the incoming wounded, preparations to be made and the concerns of yet another increased offensive, but mostly she felt relief and pride to know that Sakura was handling everything the way she always did. Sakura always did handle things thoroughly and with a determination evident even on paper.  

The only thing that had both her and Kakashi’s eyebrow’s creasing was the idea that anyone passing through that area was a target, and a target for desperate rogues.

It was Kakashi who spoke first, resting his cheek on his hand as he scanned over the scroll once more. “Seems like she’s got things figured out. Shikamaru must be collaborating with her. As he should, she’s the smartest kunoichi in her class. One of the reasons why she’s my favorite student.” He gave Shizune a crinkle-eyed look though she could tell it was only skin deep, it soon reverted to seriousness as he thought over all that she’d reported.

“I’ll pass the news on to the Intelligence Division, see what they say about the matter but I have a feeling the only way we’re going to clear them out is with Kankurou’s division and the help of Naruto’s clones.” Shizune nodded in affirmation as Kakashi dragged a hand across his jaw.

“When will you reply? Katsuyu-sama will take the message for you, it’s more direct.” Kakashi glanced at the slug on Shizune’s shoulder and then back to her face.

“I’ll write it now. Is there anything you wish for me to include?” Shizune nodded.

“Tell her we’ll be prepared for the wounded and not to take on too many herself.” Kakashi nodded as Shizune toyed the with idea of saying more before ultimately deciding it was worth it. “Ask her to stay safe and to watch her health as well.” Kakashi gave her a small smile behind his mask.

“I will. You can stay if you want.” He gestured towards a seat in front of the desk, already pulling out a pen and a fresh scroll as she sat down and patiently waited for him to write the message.

A few minutes later and Kakashi slid it towards her to have her sign off at the bottom alongside a henohenomoheji that he’d tacked on as his signature simply because it was Sakura who would be receiving the scroll.

“Katsuyu-sama, it’s finished.” Shizune stated, after sealing the scroll and popping it in the same small tube it had been transferred in the first time. Katsuyu swallowed it swiftly, wiggling her eyes stalks as Shizune pulled out her summoning scroll and placed it and the small slug onto the desk.

“I’ll deliver it to Sakura-san. She’ll be pleased to hear from you both so quickly. Kakashi-kun, Shizune-san.” With a quick transfer of Shizune’s chakra and a puff of smoke, Katsuyu was gone leaving the summoning scroll in her wake.

Kakashi remained still, his lone eye fixed across the tent as Shizune stood and bowed before turning to leave. “She’ll be alright. Shikamaru would never let a teammate down.” She stopped at that, turning her head to look at the quiet Copy nin.

“I know, but worrying is what we do as humans, as friends.” He made no reply as she turned once more and left the tent.

Sakura attended to her patients with a calm and clinical demeanor as she always did. Each patient was assessed, checked, treated, and then appropriately bandaged or given fluids by another medic as she moved to the next one. It was a pattern that she was more than familiar with, one that often let her mind go blank as she prodded and healed and assessed.

She felt her mind wandering, thoughts drifting back to the scroll she’d sent to Kakashi and Shizune.

 _“They would have gotten it by now. Kakashi-sensei’s probably back at the main encampment. Maybe he’s written his response already. He’ll have to consult the Intelligence Division regarding our theories but he’d at least give us some orders or ideas in the meantime.”_ She gave a smile to the patient who had murmured something to her while she was thinking. It sounded like he’d murmured his thanks like many of the other patients.

With a final check of his pulse, she left his side and moved to the next patient, checking the chart, the vitals, then leaving the woman to sleep. On it went, the cycle of healing and checking and wondering about Kakashi’s response. It was only broken when Shikamaru reappeared in the medical tent, walking down the row of cots towards her as his dark eyes roamed over the wounded around him.

Green eyes met brown as he stopped a few cots down from her and gave a nod as an answer to her expectant and excited look. Her heart flew as she called her excuses to the nearest medic and swiftly walked to Shikamaru’s side. She knew that Kakashi would be quick but she couldn’t help the bubble of nervous energy that had settled in her chest as she followed a silent Shikamaru through the medical tent and out onto the familiar path towards the command tent.


	8. Variations of Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru and Sakura receive Kakashi's scroll.  
> Shikamaru is a good person and cares about his friends.  
> Sakura ruminates on Ino's wisdom. 
> 
> This chapter should be longer than the last. I'm trying to crank out as many as I can now as I'm going back to the wonderful world of multiple majors on the 16th and updates will likely be slow after that. As always, thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos! ♥

Sakura practically launched herself towards where Katsuyu sat on the large wooden table. “Katsuyu-sama, do you have a message already? Was Kakashi-sensei there?” Katsuyu gave a nod.

“Yes Sakura-san, Kakashi-kun was at the encampment and entrusted me with a scroll for you and Shikamaru-kun.” With a practiced move the scroll was regurgitated by the mini slug and placed in front of her.

“Thank you Katsuyu-sama, we won’t need you to send anymore messages. You can rest now, thank you for all of your help.” She smiled at Katsuyu who gave her a happy wiggle.

“My pleasure Sakura-san, Shikamaru-kun, take care.” With a poof she was gone and Sakura wasted no time in unsealing the scroll.

Shikamaru watched her movements with an air of calm, though he too was interested to hear Kakashi’s thoughts on their theory. Sakura’s eyes flitted to his as her hand whipped out and grabbed his arm, towing him over to her side before he had a chance to protest.

“You couldn’t read from over there.” She stated plainly as her attention was turned to unfurling the scroll. Two sets of eyes raked over the words scrawled on the page in handwriting that had Sakura shaking her head from the first word.  “Tch, he still insists on writing like a child.” Her muttering wasn’t lost on Shikamaru’s ears as he silently agreed with her.

_Sakura, Shikamaru,_

_The intelligence on the increased offensive is not surprising though the attacks on the squadrons are. I think that your theory is likely what is going on based on the frequency and the type of attacks. The issue is how to approach eliminating the rogues without a large force._

_I have passed all of the information onto the Intelligence Division who will form a detailed plan of attack likely involving Naruto and the Surprise Attack Division. At the moment I would recommend all squadrons remain at your encampment unless absolutely necessary to travel back to this main encampment. The medical envoy you spoke of transporting the wounded tomorrow will be met outside of this encampment by escorts._

_Shizune is aware of the possible increase in wounded and informs me that the medics are well prepared for large numbers of wounded. She also asks that Sakura be careful and watch her health which I think is decent advice._

Sakura scoffed at this but smiled fondly regardless as she could only imagine Kakashi’s voice saying that in his usual nonchalant monotone.

_Shikamaru should be aware of the possibility that the rogues may launch an attack on the forwards encampment, though they most likely won’t be that bold. If he thinks it will be necessary, we can divert some of the Sensory Division to scan the surrounding area. Keep me informed on changes._

She practically groaned at the familiar face drawn at the bottom of the scroll. _“Of course he’d sign it with that smug little face even on an official scroll! He’ll never change.”_ Still, it made her smile to see that at least his odd habits were still there.

A part of her felt proud that they’d come up with a fairly decent theory that not only proved true, but could help save the lives of many. Another part of her felt a sick and twisted feeling in her stomach that it hadn’t saved the lives of her squadron but she quickly squashed those feelings and instead looked at the slightly satisfied expression creeping onto Shikamaru’s face.

“My father will take care of the assignments. The Surprise Attack Division is the best option and adding Naruto’s clones can only help.” Sakura nodded in agreement.

“I’m glad that we were able to help. If it will keep people alive, it’s more than worth it.” Shikamaru didn’t respond but knew to what she was referring. Before her thoughts could turn once more he cleared his throat and burned the scroll, having already committed it to memory.

“You’re prepared for the wounded to leave tomorrow?” His gaze was steady and caught hers as she gave a firm nod.

“They’ll be safe. Some of those who transported the wounded are taking them back. I know of at least one sensory type travelling with them. Kakashi-sensei will no doubt have sent the escorts out farther than he likely should have.” Shikamaru paused for a moment before nodding his consent.

A silence then stretched over the tent as Shikamaru leaned against the desk and stared at a vague point between the table and her legs as if thinking over something.

Sakura was left to shift her weight from one leg to the other as she debated sitting down or remaining where she was. She too was thinking over everything and hoping that her confidence in the transport of wounded wouldn’t prove to be wrong.

It remained still as the two stood quietly opposite one another and simply thought over everything without need for conversation. It should have been awkward, should have felt awkward, standing in a tent without speaking. But it was normal.

The same strangely comfortable feeling Sakura had been noticing since she’d first stood in the command tent alongside Shikamaru was there again. Perhaps it was because he was a familiar person in an unfamiliar camp. Or because she didn’t feel like she had to answer to him or put on an emotional mask in front of him.  Certainly not after he had been the one she’d had a meltdown in front of; the one who managed to calm her down and make her feel less alone about the strange reoccurring nightmares and feelings. It was interesting to her that here she felt more at ease than she did around Shizune.

Of course, she and Shizune were almost always in medic mode and she never felt like she could do or say anything that would worry her. In a lot of ways Shizune was as protective of her as she was of Tsunade. She wouldn’t have been able to help even if Sakura had told her what was going on, not the way that Shikamaru did.

No, she and Shikamaru were equals, friends of a similar age who had been around each other since childhood and had seen each other grow in many different ways. She valued his conversation and his ability to remain silent when needed and not meddle unless directly involved or sought out for advice. He was calm, steady, level-headed and analytical in a way that wasn’t intrusive. Maybe that’s why it was comforting to be around him.

There was no pressure for her to say anything unless she wanted to. No pressure to pretend or play up appearances to not disappoint or make anyone worry as he understood what she was like. Knew that she, like him, disliked having others try to fix their problems but didn’t mind if someone talked with them if only to bring them back to reality a little bit.

So maybe that was it. Maybe she felt comfortable here because Shikamaru understood her and she him and they both didn’t expect anything from the other. Truthfully, she didn’t care the reason, she just felt…well as relaxed as one could be while they were in the middle of a war.

All of these revelations took place in the amount of time it took for Shikamaru to work out everything he was mulling over and decide that whatever was going to happen would happen and he’d move orders around as he saw fit before Gaara took back over command on his return to the Fourth Division’s main encampment.

Shikamaru pushed off the desk with a glance towards Sakura who rapidly blinked as if she too had been practically spacing out in thought. His hands travelled down to his pockets, finding their homes in the fabric. With an inclination of his head he spoke. “Dinner?”

Sakura’s lips quirked up into a small smile. “Sure. I’m actually kind of hungry.” He said nothing as she waited for him to start walking, following alongside him with a relaxed look about her.

Outside the air was sticky and felt heavy as if the pressure had increased drastically since they had entered the command tent. _“Or maybe I just didn’t notice it before.”_ She wrinkled her nose and blinked up at the dark clouds that appeared to be rolling in. “Looks like we’re in for another storm.” Shikamaru turned his head towards the sky and hummed.

“The camp will look like a swamp again; the ground’s just barely dried since the last storm.” Sakura agreed with him as she silently reminded herself not to return to The Land of Hot Water or anywhere near the border of The Land of Lightning unless she was taking a dip in a hot spring somewhere. This time of year was apparently their rainy season and Sakura was less than enthused with it.

They ducked into the mess tent and swiftly gathered their food, aiming to sit at the only mostly empty table in the back of the mess tent near a slightly rolled up partition that would hopefully filter some air into the steamy tent.

Sakura snagged a seat first, Shikamaru trailing behind with a tray balanced in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He sat opposite her as she lifted up a piece of cooked pork and gave it an appraising look.

“Is it safe to eat?” He asked, poking at his own meat with a blank expression. Sakura shrugged.

“It’s safe enough.” He noticed that she picked up the piece of cabbage on top first, chewing it silently as he began to eat his own food.

They both fell silent again, listening to the buzzing chorus of words exchanged around them by voices that would rise and fall like a rolling sea. Sometimes groups died down, snippets of conversations floated to their ears. Names and places spoken of in wistful tones, words punctuated with muffled laughter that could be jokes or recollections. Some conversations, more serious in nature she supposed, never reached a high enough pitch to be registered above a dull hum.

A slight breeze slipped through the gap in the tent, moving the fabric back and forth as Sakura popped another chunk of rice in her mouth and hummed absentmindedly. She turned her head towards the rectangle of plastic that served as a sealed window and observed the darkening sky. Shikamaru’s focus turned back to her, he too had been lost in the oddly comforting silence until her hum had brought his attention back.

“It’s definitely going to rain.” Sakura decided, not elaborating further or making a comment as Shikamaru hummed in agreement.

The air had taken a sudden turn as the feeling of pressure had seemed to reach its oppressive crescendo. The sky was now covered with the clouds that had moved in swiftly while she and Shikamaru had been silently eating. Another rush of air moved across Sakura’s bared toes as she wiggled them in appreciation. The tent itself was still hot and muggy but she could tell they were approaching another drop in temperature which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

The companionable silence had returned as did the need to finish their food as the colder it got, the worse it tasted. Sakura’s nose wrinkled slightly at an overly soggy piece of cabbage that had been hiding under the rice. Just because she had to eat camp food and rations didn’t mean she enjoyed it. Often times she didn’t even taste it as she was eating while working or on the move. Now that she was here though, Shikamaru seemed to be doing a fairly decent job of getting her to eat properly in the mess tent instead of the med tent.

She had only just finished her rice when a large gust of wind shook the fabric and the sound of sudden and fast rain washed over the tent and forced it into near silence for a few breathless moments. Shikamaru had looked towards the window, as had Sakura and many others in the tent, all taking in the pelting rain that had broken over them in an instant.

“Wow, that came on fast.” Her voice contained an ounce of awe as she watched with widened green eyes at the rivulets flowing down the plastic window.

In this moment Shikamaru said nothing. Sakura’s complete attention had been turned to the sounds and the look of the rain outside but it didn’t capture his attention, not completely. No what caught his eye was the way her eyes had lit up for that brief moment when the rain started.

In that moment she had looked calm, separated from everything that surrounded them. She looked like she didn’t notice the sound of the conversations starting back up or the beating of the rain on the tent above them.

The moment ended and she turned to pick up her glass of water, taking a sip while giving him a questioning look.

“Do you like the rain?” He wasn’t sure why he asked but he wanted to know why she’d lit up at the sight of a sudden downpour. He’d assumed she would have an issue with the rain after traveling in it so recently in a rather miserable condition.

Her head tilted to the side as she thought about it, turning to glance at the rain before shrugging slightly. “I don’t mind it. It’s nice to sit and listen to the rain I think. Back in Konoha I used to like sitting near the window of my apartment to read a good book or some medical scrolls when it rained. I also sometimes enjoyed training in the storms we got in the summer when it was disgustingly hot and those big thunderheads would roll in to cool everything down.”

Shikamaru could see the appeal of both of those things. He too enjoyed the rain occasionally on days when he could sit inside and play shoji with his father.  It was a way to relax and the noise the rain made was usually calming.

A sudden peal of thunder cut off Sakura’s intent to ask Shikamaru a question as she whipped her head back around to the window with two high raised brows. “Ok so I’ll admit that I’m not too happy about it here. Seriously it’s bad enough having to fight when it’s dry and sunny, the rain just makes it even more miserable and messy.” She clucked her tongue as Shikamaru gave her a blank look.

“It’s a real drag.” At that he was awarded with an exasperated look as she shook her head and stood, grabbing her dishes with both hands.

“I’d better do some more rounds to be sure everything’s set for tomorrow morning.” Shikamaru nodded and moved to follow her, a realization dawning on him as he felt as if he was falling into a pattern. How they’d managed to form one so quickly was lost on him but he chalked it up to both of them collaborating together.

 _“That and the fact that I keep forcing her to eat because I know she’d overwork herself without realizing it.”_ Though he too was guilty of overworking, he’d seen her trudging home in Konoha after taking triple shifts at the hospital, half-dead and stumbling like she’d been on a bender with Naruto and his insane tolerance for alcohol. He also knew from observation, and from hearing Ino complain about it, that Sakura had a hard time working in moderation. So he was…helping he guessed.

Though he wasn’t one to involve himself in other people’s issues, he helped his friends when he could. Like bringing home a drunken Ino on many an occasion, even dealing with her horrible screeching singing in his ear on more nights than he cared to remember. Or sitting with Choji when he was feeling insecure and reminding him that neither he nor Ino, nor anyone that mattered would want him to be any different than he was.

So he wasn’t _great_ with comforting and he was not great when someone was crying, but he was alright with being honest and he cared, even if he didn’t show it all the time. He’d been there too, he’d lost people and he’d been at his lowest and had supported and been supported by his friends.

It wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on so he decided that their odd routine was like that. Supporting and being supported in little ways was what everyone needed in a war and it couldn’t hurt for Sakura to not have to fix everything by herself.

“Do we make a run for it or what?” Sakura’s voice cut him out of his thoughts as she held up the flap of the mess tent and peered out at the pouring rain as another peal of lightning lit up the sky. He took in the muddy ground and the water and sighed.

“Unless you have a better idea.” Sakura’s scrunched up frown told him she didn’t.

“And here I was admiring it earlier.” She groaned before taking a breath and launching herself into the spray with a fast pace. “I’ll probably not come by the command tent later, I’ll see you tomorrow!” Her voice carried over the storm as he watched her go, her hands flying up to shield her eyes as she bolted towards the med tent, a pink splotch in the darkened compound.

He stood for a while longer, hoping to see a lull in the storm but ultimately finding none as his usually unending patience ran thin. With a grumble he tromped out into the storm and made his way swiftly to his command tent.

The squelch of sandals on the dry ground inside the tent was a horrific reminder of how wet one could actually become while walking through what was officially a torrential downpour. His flak jacket had blocked most of the rain from his body but the sleeves of his standard issue shirt were dripping onto the pounded dirt beneath him. The sandals he wore were also coated in a thin layer of grime as he had, in an effort to avoid a large stream of water coming off of a tent flap, stepped in a miniature stream.

He could feel water coming off from his ponytail and dripping directly onto the thin patch of skin on the back of his neck that wasn’t covered by any fabric. With a sigh he made his way over to his desk, stripping off his flak jacket to hang it over the back of one of the chairs set up in front of it. His shirt came next leaving him in the long sleeved mesh armor undershirt and his pants which were relatively dry, only the bottom of his legs and the inside of his sandals were wet.

With an annoyed grunt he pulled off his sandals and dumped out what little water had become trapped inside. Already not caring about his shirt he used it to dry off the ends of his hair and the insides of his sandals as much as he could before pulling them back on. They were still damp but he was satisfied that the squelching noise was gone.

Only then did he move to sit in the chair behind his desk, a hand rubbing at his temple as he settled in to deal with the two new scrolls that had mysteriously appeared on his desk since he’d been gone.

Sakura was soaked. Her hair was dripping and her flak jacket had done its job deflecting the water, right on to her shoulders. Her sandals and leg wrappings had luckily fared better as the insides had remained somewhat dry due to her selective hopping around every stream or puddle in the compound. The shirt was annoying but she could deal with it.

She pulled her hair back, wringing it out as best she could before securing it into a ponytail and moving to find a chart so she could start checking on the patients scheduled to be moved to the main encampment the next morning.

The medical tent lacked the hum of conversation that the mess tent had though the rain could still be heard steadily beating down on the fabric ceiling above them. It was a constant thrum occasionally punctuated by thunderclaps and lightning that would light up the tent for a brief moment and occasionally cause someone to jump just a little bit.

Sakura herself enjoyed the low rolling thunder that seemed to thankfully be the more prevalent type. It was a deep rumble that reached to her very core and made her heart beat just a little bit faster when she heard it. To her it was a powerful noise, like the vibrations of her chakra when she channeled it into the ground, shattering it beneath her.

A particularly long and deep roll of thunder had a memory popping into her head. It was a sentence Ino had told her a long time ago on one of their rainy girl’s night in. _“I think thunder’s like a man’s voice when he’s talking to you while holding you close. The way it vibrates through your whole body makes you feel warm and comforted.”_ Sakura had laughed at her then, almost as she smiled at the memory now. She could guess the sounds could be similar but she had only ever attributed the sound of rolling thunder to a comforting feeling of power and control.

 _“Maybe that’s why Ino’s been luckier dating, she thinks more romantically about things like thunder.”_ Truthfully Sakura hadn’t dated much. By the time she’d realized her fantasies of loving Sasuke had long since faded; the rumblings of war and the knowledge of a possible attack on Konoha had already started. Things like dating had seemed superfluous then, but now, now part of her wished she’d experienced a real relationship before heading into a war that she couldn’t be sure she’d return from.

With a shake of her head she shoved those thoughts away and returned to her duties, running a finger along her list before walking over to the first patient slotted to be moved the next day. She was surprised to see the medic checking his vitals was Kugo, the same medic who had been on her squadron. He turned to look at her as she approached.

“Haruno-san, do you need the patient for something? His vitals are all normal and I’ve just given him more sedatives to keep him asleep.” Sakura shook her head with a smile.

“I’m just checking the patients who are schedule to move back to the main encampment tomorrow.” He nodded.

“Morino, Ibi-san and Asato-san are going back with them. Asato-san and Morino were cleared this morning, he said he wanted to speak with you to thank you again before he left.” Sakura was slightly surprised but nodded, feeling slightly ashamed that with all that had gone on she’d almost forgotten that he’d been injured. _“Has it really only been one night since we arrived? It feels like it’s been ages so much has happened.”_

“I’ll be there to see the envoy off tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll see him then. Thank you for telling me Kugo-san.” Kugo gave her a small nod in return. Sakura’s gaze wandered back to her list. “Have you checked many of the patients who are leaving tomorrow?” Kugo thought for a moment before gesturing to the chart.

“There are only about four we haven’t gotten to yet. Those are our most serious so we wanted to wait until either you or the other head medic checked them.” Sakura hummed and held the chart out to Kugo.

“These four here?” She pointed to each name separately as Kugo nodded.

“Yes Haruno-san.” Two were patients she’d helped treat, one being the kunoichi with the collapsed lung who had crashed on her that morning.

“I’ll see to them. If you haven’t eaten please do.” Kugo gave a small bow and thanked her before skirting past her and towards the exit of the med tent.

She continued on down past rows of wounded shinobi. Some were awake and murmuring to each other or simply staring up at the swaying tent fabric as two medics circulated through administering pills and checking IV drips and bags.

Sakura found the Iwa kunoichi near the back of the med tent closest to the medical station where the attending medic would sit for the night shift. The woman had been hooked up to oxygen, a tank sitting beside her bed and a mask over her pale face. Sakura pulled up a stool next to her, grabbing her personal chart from the end of the bed and perusing it with a critical eye. Her vitals were good from the last time they’d been checked but they weren’t perfect.

Sakura reached out a glowing hand and rested it above the woman’s chest, her chakra filtering down to check for any abnormalities as she read over the notes scrawled at the bottom. From her scan she could tell there was still damage that would need to be healed but not so quickly as her body needed to focus on healing the lung and chest cavity before medics could mess with the internal bruising.

The chart was replaced and her hand retracted as she took a moment to look over the kunoichi. Silently she wondered if she’d ever fought against her. If at any point their paths had crossed on a mission or a diplomatic envoy. She wondered that often while working with people from other villages that had been enemies of Konoha until the treaties binding them together were enacted in order to fight the war.

Every time someone from another village whispered her name or watched her move around she wondered if they had recognized her from her bingo book photograph or if they had seen her somewhere before. Perhaps they had been ANBU who had crept through the trees to follow her on a mission. Maybe they were one of those lucky shinobi that, in a confrontation with her, had escaped to return to their villages with new reports and their lives.

Still, one couldn’t dwell on those things since they were now all allies and ultimately, they were all just shinobi following orders.

Her next patients were swiftly checked out and cleared to leave as Sakura realizing she had nothing left to do in the medical tent and could, in theory, leave to go sleep.

It was an appealing idea as she had gotten very minimal sleep the night before and was running on what seemed to be an excessively long streak of only getting a small amount of sleep and then wasting most of it having horrendous nightmares. _“Maybe talking to Shikamaru helped. I’ll take a sleeping pill tonight just in case.”_

She handed her chart over to the medic preparing to start the first part of the nightshift and peeked out of the tent into the storm that appeared to be in a lull as the thunder had dissipated. The rain still fell in a slanting barrage of droplets and she prepared for her run to her tent by unzipping her flak jacket and hauling it over her head as a makeshift umbrella.

The dash took her less time than she expected and her tent was happily dry due to the large gutter-like moats dug around each tent. Leaving anything on the floor was still a bad idea as flooding was likely with the amount of rain they were having so her flak jacket, sandals and pack were set on the end of her camp bed where she hoped to not kick them off during the night.

She pulled off her top, pouches, pants, leg wrappings and her underwear, replacing them with a clean pair of each. Only then did she remove her hetai-ate and crawled into her bed roll with a pill clutched in her hand.

For a moment she observed the smooth surface of the pill, thinking over everything that had transpired in the last 24 hours. She thought back to what Shikamaru had told her, to how he’d explained what was going on inside her head while she slept. It was enough to make her feel a bit more at ease, a bit more normal, but still not enough to keep her from popping the small pill into her mouth as she wondered just how long it may take for the nightmares to stop. Though part of her already knew there was a good chance they never really would.


	9. Promoted Pawns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty sleepless Shikamaru and a finally sleeping Sakura.  
> Poor boy just wants to go home, they all just want to go home.  
> Shoji references: A golden general is generally just under a king in terms of relative power on the board. A pawn can be promoted in the game as well.

Shikamaru was pouring over the markers on his map with the lone light in his tent positioned at the center of it. The two scrolls he had been reading had been from Gaara; confirmations of movements of troops and a request that Shikamaru check one of the positions to see if he deemed it a wise move as well.

As usual the dots had been moved and replaced more than once, Shikamaru seriously weighing all of the possible factors as he thought over the outcome of each. He had struggled for a while in silent frustration over the movement of two of the large groups in particular.

 _“If we move here it is lower ground but it has a quicker route in and out. Here would require the squadrons to separate and cover both this route and that one.”_ Again the dots were moved, replaced in a different area as his eyes darted across the map, routes and places being traced and outline by his fingertips.

 _“This is likely the best option. It has no higher ground, a clear route in and out and a way to get the wounded directly back to the main encampment.”_ With a serious look he placed a dot in the area he had confirmed, the decision being sealed with a final glance to confirm the coordinates Gaara had sent were the same he had eventually decided on.

He straightened, a hand running along the back of his neck as he surveyed the map littered in dots placed by him over the weeks he’d been hauling it around from encampment to encampment. It was a heavier load than he wanted. The weight of hundreds of shinobi on his shoulders.

Gaara had long since been used to it, having become Kazekage at such an early age and having been left with the ruinous remains of the tyrannical reign of his father and the council that had controlled him. He had no doubt in his mind that Gaara had been the best choice to unite the villages; his speech before they had marched had only furthered Shikamaru’s approval of the man who had come through so much to lead his Village into a better future.

But he was not Gaara.

He had been named proxy commander, a golden general on the field who shadowed the king. But that too was a ruse; he knew that he was a promoted pawn. Someone who’d been brought up the ranks and promoted for reasons he would never completely understand.

Suddenly he didn’t want to look at the map anymore, didn’t want to look at all those damning little dots. With a few hand signs the dots were gone, the map reverting back to its normal state. There he stood, staring up at the ceiling of the tent, at the way the fabric bent and swayed as the wind and the rain still pounding onto its surface made themselves known once more.

It wasn’t long before he shut the light off, plunging the tent into darkness that he welcomed with a sigh. Not for the first time he wondered if, when this was all over, he could convince the Hokage to let him lay out in the Nara meadows and keep watch over the clouds and the deer.

Silently he moved to his camp bed and shucked off his sandals, still only dressed in his mesh armor and his pants. He lay back on top of his bed roll and stared into the dark with a hand behind his head and one resting on his stomach.

In the perfect world in his mind he was back in Konoha, in the meadows that lay behind part of the Nara estate, just in front of the forest. He could imagine it now, the smell of the herbs and the wildflowers that grew in the meadows around him. The grass rustling as the breeze blew through it and the deer grazed around him, accustomed and unafraid of him. There the clouds floated lazily by, their large puffy surfaces dotting the blue sky and occasionally blocking the warmth of the sun from his tan skin. Around him he heard the occasional twitters of birds and the snuffling of a nearby doe that was nosing a particular patch of grass.

He could close his eyes there, his heart and mind both at ease as there was nothing to think about other than the warmth around him, the knowledge that his friends were safe and enjoying the wonderful day as he was.

He opened his brown eyes with a start, a peal of thunder forcing him back into the darkness and the pelting of the rain on his tent bringing him out of the hazy cusp of sleep he had been hovering in. Instantly the perfect world he’d imagined was gone and his brain jumped back into the realization that that perfect reality would never exist until the war was over, until they won.

Another rumble of thunder brought with it the unbidden thoughts of how and when the war would end. There was a part of him hoped that he and all of his friends would come out of the war unscathed. But the larger part, the rational part, knew it was already an impossibility.

Tsunade had nearly died. Kakashi and Shizune along with many others _had_ died in Pein’s attack but were revived. So many had fallen in this war already. So many had fought reanimated relatives, friends, fathers, Sensei.

He, Ino, and Choji would never forget fighting Asuma again, never forget the words he had uttered to them or the way he complimented them even as they sealed him back into a coffin. So many of them would come out of this war haunted and changed. He knew that most would get over it, most would move on and the war would become a distant but horrible memory like the other wars had.

But others…others wouldn’t.

Kakashi and Tsunade’s faces popped into his mind. He hadn’t forgotten Tsunade’s haemophobia when they had first asked her to become Hokage, something he had later learned was a result of her lover dying of blood loss in the Second War. He’d seen the look on her face as she drank early in the morning when he’d come to the Hokage office to give reports or on his way back from a mission. The look she’d had when he’d seen her after handing over a report that a shinobi had been killed in the line of duty. He knew that for her the war could never be just a distant memory.

Kakashi was harder to read as the mask did more than just cover his face. Yet he knew Kakashi, had spent time with him as his father had requested and had spoken with him when he was brought to social events involving the entirety of the Rookie Nine and their Sensei. He was aware that Kakashi’s teammates had died in the Third War as his father had once told him that is how he received the sharingan. He was also aware that Kakashi spent time at the cenotaph as he had come across him walking down the path more than once as he himself went up to visit Asuma. He was former ANBU and the horrors of being ANBU in the time he was active were the things nightmares were built on. Shikamaru knew that he too was still plagued by his past.

The face of Sakura standing in the dark with wild green eyes and tears staining her cheeks suddenly popped into the forefront of his mind with alarming clarity.

She was what was bothering him the most now. This damned war had somehow managed to drag up something that was tormenting the medic.

He had only ever known her as powerfully emotional in a way that he thought would negate anything that could possibly bother her this much or bring her down into that vicious cycle of sleepless nights.

She had been strong enough to face down Akatsuki and emerge victorious even before word of her monstrous strength had spread.  It was her who was quickly approaching Tsunade’s level, if she had not already nearly passed it. She was the one who had been quietly referred to as the Legendary Sannin’s clone.

He had seen her physically level a portion of forest in a fight without missing a beat. He had also witnessed her shoving her hand onto someone’s chest to bring them back from the brink of death.

She was strong, unyielding and faced things head-on with a rational and intelligent mind. After all that she had faced, all she had seen and overcome, he never thought she could be harboring such pain.

To him she was the pink haired medic who defied all expectations and had earned his respect after finding her own strength. A far cry from the crying Academy girl that he had seen fighting with Ino over the right to the exiled Uchiha.

As he stared up at the ceiling he thought about her as a puzzle he was trying to solve. As if thinking about her problems would erase his own.

 It annoyed him to see her so hurt, so…unlike herself. Especially since he knew she had told no one else. She had been fighting alone, something he was beginning to realize she had done most of her life.

With a frustrated grunt he sat up on his camp bed, swinging his legs over the side as hands threaded through the hair pulled back on his head. Why _she_ was bothering him so much was annoying him to no end.

One part of his mind was running over every decision he had made that day and all of the possible ways the movements of the squadrons could go wrong.

Another part was reminding him incessantly that all of those dots were lives, a mantra he couldn’t seem to escape no matter how badly he tried to distance himself.  The contrast to this was another part warring within him and insisting that they, like him, were tools used to protect and serve when needed.

Then there was the part that was focused on Sakura and her problems and his own nightmares. These thoughts were tangling and churning together to insist that he try and speak with her, to watch and protect and stop her from heading down the same path he seemed to be on.

So he began to pace. He paced the length of the tent as he did when too many things were on his mind. As he did when he was torn and he needed to work through something.

His hands itched at his sides, itched for a cigarette, for something to make him stop and _focus_ or relax. With a frustrated growl he forced himself to stop moving.

He released a long deep breath, calming himself as he slowly returned to his normal demeanor and focused on the in and out of his breathing and the sound of the rain. The occasional deep low rumble of thunder grounded him.

It was rare for him to get so worked up. But this war seemed to be bringing out unusual tendencies in everyone. For the first time in his life his head was six steps ahead but his convictions were behind. It was hard to believe that his rational, practical, Nara brain had gotten so wrapped up in the emotions of things.

Contrary to what he outwardly showed, he was affected by things deeper than he usually let on and there was no outlet for it here. No clouds to watch to sort out everything and return the calm. No friends to distract him when they noticed him sinking too far into his own world.

His fingers reached up to twist the small metal ball in his ear, his mind drifting for a moment as he thought of his Sensei. Asuma had told him to hold on and protect the things he cared about and to be mindful of when he was over thinking something.

It was a memory that he cherished. They had been playing a game of shoji, one that Shikamaru was confident he was winning as he had analyzed every move five steps ahead before he did anything. Yet Asuma had sat there with the most confidently calm look on his face, lazily puffing away on a cigarette as he snapped his pieces onto the polished surface of the shoji board. His face had split into a confident smirk as Shikamaru moved a rook on the board.

 _“You have to think many steps ahead but remain in the present at the same time. Don’t let yourself think too much or you’ll lose sight of the bigger picture.”_ He’d won that game, grinning at Shikamaru from across the board and laughing when he told him to keep his advice in mind in life as well as shoji and maybe he wouldn’t ever be beat.

The memory was a painful balm that stung even as it covered up the wounds of all that had happened. Ultimately, it helped though there was no comfort in it.

He moved back to his camp bed, now determined to sleep as he knew if he stayed up and thought anymore he’d never get any rest. The last thing he needed was a lecture on sleep from someone who he knew was barely sleeping herself.

So he laid down again, this time shutting his eyes instantly and focusing on the sounds around him. He imagined the meadow again, his breathing deepening as he thought of the sounds and the smells and the beautiful fluffy white clouds as the grass rustled against him.

He drifted off slowly, the heavy lethargy of sleep pulling him under into the warm Konoha day with the light brown deer nosing around more cautiously than he expected. The last thing he remembered while hovering on the very border of consciousness was a smile as someone leaned over him and blocked out the light of the sun and the sky with a laugh that was familiar and foreign to his ears.

With that Shikamaru was gone, carried off into a night of sleep that was unburdened by the fears that would plague him during his daylight hours.

It was a morning that arrived swiftly for Sakura. She woke not with a start but with a tugging feeling as if she had to open her eyes. There was a dim sort of light filtering into her tent and a damp feeling coating her exposed skin where the dew and the moisture from the rain had coated her during the night.

Slowly she sat up, a feeling of discomfort and a lingering tendril of anxiousness clinging to her subconscious like the sticky moisture. She didn’t remember dreaming, didn’t remember having any nightmares but she supposed it was possible.

It didn’t really matter as she had, for the first time in a while, slept through the night. _“Maybe the rain and the thunder helped.”_ She mused, reaching down to pull on her damp sandals.

Once her headband and flak jacket were on she poked her head out into the thick fog that hung over the encampment, this and the clouds overhead the telltale signs of a morning after a good storm. It was cooler out now and she was grateful for the long sleeves and pants that kept her both dry and comfortable as she cautiously stepped out into the silent morning.

It was eerie moving through the fog towards the med tent and reminded her too much of all the times she’d fought Kiri nin and their mist jutsu. She was grateful that they were on her side now.

There was a soft murmur of voices as she approached the tent, likely the escorts and medics getting the wounded ready to travel. Ducking her head, she moved inside, glancing around to see that what she had guessed was true.

The medics were giving final checks to patients, some sitting up on their own and others still unconscious on the camp beds. She glanced towards the nearest medic who noticed her arrival and gave a small nod in acknowledgement.

It wasn’t the medics she was interested in at that moment; it was the small gathering of shinobi who were to be entrusted with escorting the wounded. Amongst them stood the four members of her squadron that were returning to the main encampment.

It was Ibi, the shorter of the two Konoha Chunin, who spotted her first. She gave him a wave as her name was spoke in a respectful tone that had the other three turning to look at her and murmur greetings as they made a place for her in their makeshift circle.

“I’m glad to see you’re all healed up and ready to head back.” Her gaze moved from Ibi to Asato and Morino and lastly to the blonde haired man whose name she still didn’t know, nor did she think she ever would as he didn’t seem inclined to surrender it.

“You’re staying here then Haruno-san?” Asato’s question was answered with a nod.

“Yes, I’m needed here too much to leave and besides, the main encampment can more than function without me.” Morino was looking over her shoulder as she spoke, his eyes hard and vacant as he made a gruff noise in his throat.

“Good. There’s more where this lot came from.” He gestured to the wounded lying in the beds as Sakura spared them a glance and a sigh.

“There always is.” They were all silent for a moment as they watched two medics gingerly lift the comatose Iwa kunoichi onto a stretcher, carrying her to where Kugo waited to direct them. He nodded to their group as he caught their collective gazes. She saw Morino give a small nod in return as she turned her attention back to the men in front of her.

“Keep them safe for me and don’t make me patch you up again. I don’t like having to repeat my work on the same person.” Her stern gaze had Ibi and Asato giving a nod in return as Morino looked mildly put out at being ordered around by a kunoichi. For that she gave him an extra long stare that had him shifting uncomfortably and obstinately avoiding her gaze.

With a shake of her head she turned towards Asato and Ibi. “You two stay safe. I’ll have to introduce you to my team personally when we get back so they can take us out for ramen.” The two men smiled at her.

“Sure Haruno-san. We’d be honored.” A small bout of sadness rolled over her for these two Konoha shinobi and she wondered if both of them would make it out of the war. By the way they interacted she could tell they were friends and reminded her a bit of Kotetsu and Izumo. Ibi must have noticed her sudden change in demeanor as a warm hand came to rest on her shoulder as he gave her an encouraging look.

“We’ll be back in Konoha soon. Good luck here Haruno-san.” Sakura’s eyes flitted between the two as she couldn’t help but smile.

“I know we will.” With that she patted Ibi’s arm and turned to Morino. “I hope the villages will get along after all of this but with all the history…well, I’m glad we’re not fighting now. Hopefully you’ll be back in Kiri soon.” His eyes met hers and for a moment any lingering animosity was gone and he gave a sincere nod.

“Yeah, same to you.” It was gruff and carried a tone of embarrassment that Sakura recognized all too well. She didn’t push it anymore, sparing the blonde haired man a glance as he nodded in return, their silent understanding seeming to be enough for him.

“I’d better help out. I said it before but, if I don’t see any of you again, be safe and fight hard.” She was met with four serious stares as she finally tore her eyes away and gave one last wave before moving towards the head medic with a heavy weight in her limbs that felt odd as she barely knew the men. But they’d been through an extremely trying situation as comrades and that in itself counted for a lot.

The head medic immediately directed her to arranging and checking the wounded a final time alongside the other medics. She began by having those escorting the wounded assigned to stretchers and going over the signs of distress they should know in case a patient took a turn for the worse. All the while she felt a feeling of unease twisting her gut as she silently hoped to anything or anyone listening that these wounded and these escorting shinobi made it to Shizune and the main encampment unharmed. She could only hope, now it was up to fate.


	10. Operation Reluctant Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He really really really doesn't like feelings.  
> Shikamaru is a caring friend, an unsure, annoyed, and frustrated caring friend.  
> More angst, some mundane things, Shikamaru thinks a lot. 
> 
> Enjoy and be sure to comment and check out ask-multisaku's new artwork with an adorable ShikaSaku baby!
> 
> *Edit* This Semester and the last has had me swamped so badly I haven't even looked at my writing. I am going t try my best this summer to get working on this again between working and performing my research. Sorry Everyone I know it's terrible waiting! Thanks for understanding! ♥♥

The fog still hung around the encampment with all the same opaque oppressiveness as earlier. A slight mist had started, travelling down to land on the hair and the clothing of the shinobi now standing outside the med tent awaiting orders.

There was an odd expectant silence that surrounded them all as the medics quietly went through checking off every last detail they could before the envoy left with the shinobi they had so carefully been healing.

Sakura was strapping down one of the patients on a stretcher, the bonds sturdy enough that said patient would not fall out during travel. Once satisfied she gave the two shinobi supporting the stretcher the go ahead to move into position. They were the last to do so and seemed to be who the others had been waiting for.

At the head of the group Sakura could just make out someone with a ponytail who she realized must be Shikamaru finally arriving to see the group off. He appeared to hand something to the leader of the squadron, a scroll perhaps? It was hard to tell with the way the fog ebbed and flowed but she was hesitant to move forwards until the squadron left.

With a bark of an order that pierced through the fog like a knife, the squadron began to move. Their pace was slow but steady as she watched them for as long as the limited sight allowed her. It was only when the last shinobi had rounded the blurred corner of a line of tents that she allowed herself to wade through the medics heading back towards the med tent to where Shikamaru stood silently staring at the direction the squadron had just moved.

She said nothing as she approached his side, her eyes taking in the seriousness in his expression and deciding that perhaps in that moment it was best to say nothing. So she stood by his side, gazing into the foggy morning as the mist sprinkled both of their hair.

He had noticed her presence the minute she’d stepped towards him but was grateful for her silence as in that moment he was contemplating the fate of yet another squadron he’d sent off through potentially dangerous territory.

He would have likely stood their longer, his hands in his pockets and his mind running over the implications of being a leader, but found that it wasn’t as comfortable to do so when she stood there patiently waiting for him. Why and what she was waiting for was unclear but he knew the few moments of silence she had allowed him were her own way of letting him take initiative on whether or not he wanted to acknowledge or greet her in any way.

“Most of your previous squadron went with them correct?” Her head nodded beside him though she continued to stare straight ahead much like he was.

“Two from Konoha, one from Kiri, and another possibly from Iwa.” A small hum came from him in acknowledgement before he let out a sigh and took a step forwards.

“I’m grabbing some breakfast.” There was a pause in his movements as he waited for her to either walk with him or turn away.

She did the former, her feet moving to stand at his side without a word.

It was a silent walk, a wordless one as the weight of the morning and the clinging fog settled around them as their figures passed through the white haze.

The same routine as the day before occurred as they grabbed their trays and settled into an empty table in the back of the tent sitting across from one another as usual. It was still silent as a sort of rice porridge was consumed by both of them without any pomp or comment.

It wasn’t until Sakura’s green eyes began to search his face, with a look that had her eyebrows scrunching up, that he sighed and raised his head to meet her stare. “What is it?”

“You didn’t sleep much.” His hum of quiet agreement did not go unnoticed by her as his eyes moved back down with the full intention of returning to eating the porridge. What stopped him from doing exactly that was the slender hand that reached across the table and rested on his own with a sort of delicacy that he wasn’t expecting.

“Look, I’m the last person who should comment on this, for obvious reasons, but if you need to talk…” It’s not what he wanted to hear from her. Not when he had been kept up thinking about how to stop _her_ problems, how to keep _her_ from getting to be like _him_. Gingerly he moved his hand and hers retracted in an instant.

“I was up reading a report from Gaara. We’ve moved some squadrons around again.” Sakura’s eyes continued to look over his expression but ultimately she accepted it with a sigh.

“Alright, just, well I’ve talked to you and it’s a two way street if you want it.” Brown eyes settled on her face now though the emotions concealed in them were unreadable to her.

“Don’t worry about it, if it’s something serious you’ll know.” It was hard for him to accept any sort of help, especially from her, but he knew if he didn’t feign some sort of acceptance she’d continue to push it. He was still trying to figure her out, the last thing she needed was to hear his problems.

The silence was back again for a while as Sakura toyed with the last bit of porridge in her bowl. Sensing that she had something more to say he patiently waited for the moment when her gaze shifted back to him.

“There shouldn’t be anything I need to do in the med tent today. I’ll go stir crazy if I’m not doing something though so… do you need any help with anything?” Her expression was honest and had him blinking in return. He scratched at the back of his head and furrowed his brow.

“Eh I can’t think of anything specific but there are some scrolls to look over, just acquisition orders and troublesome things like that.” Her hands were already gathering up her dishes as she nodded resolutely.

“I can help with whatever.” A lazy gaze watched her as he eventually let out a reluctant sigh and stood to follow her. He couldn’t see the appeal in paperwork at all.

“I’m not going to stop you from doing half of my work, makes it easier for me.” She smiled at that, all too used to hearing the same sort of sentiment from most of the people in her life.

They walked back outside, Sakura happy to see that the fog was beginning to thin, if only just. The sun had risen; a hazy blob of light filtering through the overcast and misty skies down into their damp and muddy encampment. Somehow the air felt both cool and warm at the same time, almost like the feeling one got after walking out of a sauna and feeling the rush of cold air on overheated skin. It was an odd feeling to say the least and she was glad that it quickly dissipated inside Shikamaru’s command tent.

He’d barely taken three steps towards his desk before Sakura was at his side, face alert and expectant as he simply raised an eyebrow at her. She had, in his opinion, very misplaced enthusiasm.

“I’ll give you a pile of some acquisition orders. Check them over and make sure nothing is off with the numbers.” Sakura nodded as Shikamaru leaned over his desk and grabbed a pile of scrolls and papers; sparing them a quick glance to be sure they were the correct ones before handing them off to Sakura.

She laid them on one of the chairs, taking her place in the other with a paper in her hand as she began scanning over the page with practiced speed.

He stood for a moment, observing the odd way she dove into something as mundane as paperwork before shaking his head and inwardly noting that she was crazy to _want_ to do such a thing.

It was different for him. He disliked the rigmarole that came with filing and reading and writing paperwork though he knew he was frustratingly good at it. It was for this reason that all of his reports, though thorough, were concise.

So, it was with little pleasure that he started on his own stack of reports and new order assignment notices for shinobi whom he had never met before but were apparently somewhere in their encampment.

The minutes passed slowly as Sakura checked the numbers on an order form that had come from their mess tent reporting the amount of miso paste and meat used in the last three days. The numbers, though somewhat high, seemed in order so Sakura rolled the scroll back up and added it to the pile of completed scrolls on the corner of Shikamaru’s desk.

Every time she placed a scroll there she would hum and reach for the next, occasionally shifting her position in the chair or uncrossing and re-crossing her legs. When she had noticed that she had begun to hum she had shot an apologetic glance at Shikamaru, intending to apologize if she’d distracted him only to find him fully engrossed in his own paperwork.

She’d been intrigued by the small crease between his brow and the lazy way his eyes scanned across the paper as if he was well and truly bored with the subject. She assumed that he was as he’d rolled that scroll up rather quickly and discarded it into a pile with haste.

Catching herself not working like she’d promised, she returned to the mundane task of reading over the scrolls.

It was an agonizing two hours of reading and double checking dates before Shikamaru stretched back in the chair with a sigh and a tired rub of his eyes. This caught Sakura’s attention who stopped her reading upon seeing him resting his head on his hand with a half lidded and very bored expression.

“Now you know how I feel when Shishou dumps all of her work on Shizune and I. Who knew war had so much paperwork.” Sakura teased, attempting to lighten the mood of her obviously annoyed friend.

He snorted slightly, his head shaking in disbelief. “It’s a drag no matter who’s doing it.” Sakura silently agreed though she didn’t mind it nearly half as much as she pretended to.

Sometimes it was cathartic, going through mundane reports. It was a nice break and a far cry from her usual hectic lifestyle. And in a war, well she’d bet money almost everyone out fighting would rather be doing paperwork. They complained about it because they didn’t want to think about the alternative though she knew he thought the same as her, in that moment they were very lucky to be doing paperwork.

Not wanting to think such depressing thoughts, she resorted to stretching slightly, popping her back with a twist as Shikamaru leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “You ever get the feeling that half of the paperwork never actually gets looked at?” Sakura nudged the scrolls on the chair across from her with an outstretched leg as Shikamaru scoffed.

“Every time I have to read one of those things I’m certain no one else actually does.” Sakura smiled at this, glad that Shikamaru was engaging in conversation with her. It was quickly dimmed however, as he mind drifted again to things less happy but important.

“So you think with the movements of the squadrons that we’ll be pulled up to the front soon?” Her voice was quieter now and Shikamaru was immediately more serious as well.

“There’s a greater chance of it. You’re the best field medic we have, if there’s an attack involving the Third Division as a main component, they’ll bring you along. I’ll probably be moved again once that happens too. Likely back to the front.” Sakura didn’t like the thought of that and quickly regretted asking. She’d known the answer but somehow hearing it from him made it all the more real.

“Well let’s hope there isn’t another attack like that soon.” He couldn’t help his nod or the way his eyes settled on her scrunched up brows. The change was immediate as she shook her head and sighed, reaching for a scroll and brandishing it at him with a new and lighter expression.

“All we can do is hope. But for now let’s finish this paperwork before we make ourselves more depressed.” She was derailing the conversation just as quickly as she’d started it; pushing the negativity to the back of her mind in a way that had Shikamaru wondering if that wasn’t perhaps part of the catalyst that had triggered her nightmares.

He knew as well as anyone that there were things you could push aside and live with, things you could keep deep down and forget about. But there were also things that compiled into one big issue and eventually you either needed to talk about it, which he wasn’t good at, or it would continue to boil into a bigger problem.

Sakura’s attempt to not dwell on negative things was a good thing, _if_ she was _truly_ not dwelling on them, which he highly doubted. She was intelligent and he knew she thought over things about as much as he did.

In a war full of pain, death and other depressing things, one could hardly escape from it. Unless you were so full of the will to fight or were someone as freakishly positive and determined as Naruto, Gai, and Lee.

It was in that moment that he decided after they’d finished the paperwork, after he’d had time to formulate exactly what he was going to attempt to do, he’d try and talk with her a little more. Maybe get something other than depressing thoughts in both of their heads. Or perhaps he’d try to get her to open up a bit like she’d done before, though that option was far from ideal.

_“I’ve tried to explain it before; I’m not sure if getting her to open up more will help or hurt. I’m not a good person for this.”_

He really didn’t like meddling in other people’s issues and he really really didn’t like it when they meddled with his, but he was beginning to see that maybe there wasn’t going to be an easy way out of this. For one of the few times in his life he’d actually been feeling the need to intervene in someone else’s life and it was a feeling he desperately wanted to get rid of.

Yet as it was, he had no plan of action, and this was definitely something that required a plan. So he took the bait and went back to doing paperwork as she sat in front of him and poured over a scroll he was sure wasn’t nearly as interesting as she was pretending.

The minutes seemed to drag on and on as Sakura took to bouncing her leg absentmindedly as she read over yet another scroll in the pile that had finally begun to dwindle down. She seemed oddly relaxed, her hand resting lazily on the bottom of the scroll as she scanned it with mild interest.

Shikamaru had been speed reading his own scrolls, only truly focusing on the main points in each scroll as they were almost all transfer records and almost all of them just required his initials scrawled at the bottom. He was almost operating on autopilot, his head too focused on whether or not he was going to bring up talking about the depressing parts of the war or if he was going to just start some sort of a conversation and see if it would lead to her talking about what was bothering her. He was leaning heavily towards the latter as it would require less work on his part.

The plan he’d formulated so far was to engage Sakura in a conversation about her former squadron, just the members she’d sent back that morning. From there he’d focus on the two Konoha shinobi she mentioned, get her to maybe talk about them or something similar for a while. The idea was that eventually, if they stayed on the topic of her squadron, he could ask about the initial squadron; disguise it as having seen something in a report or just curiosity. She’d likely not want to talk about it. It was highly likely that she’d try and change the subject. If that happened he’d try a different route.

Ask her what the offensives she’d been on were like. If she had any ideas about fighting the Zetsu clones or how to further their forwards offensives and _hopefully_ , something in _that_ conversation would help her vent some fears or at least tell him something about what was bothering her.

If that all didn’t work he’d drop it and switch to distraction; get her to think about something else that he knew would occupy her mind. Part of him had already begun to wrack his brain for ideas and so far all he could come up with was the physiology of the Zetsu clones, which wasn’t exactly a cheery topic either. Maybe he’d talk about Konoha, though that route could easily go south as well.

There was no easy way to approach it, no comfortable way to go about any of it. Especially since, as he had inwardly stated repeatedly, he wasn’t good with dealing with other people’s emotions on such a vulnerable level and especially not when it threatened to mix with his own problems.

But the memory of her looking the way she had, looking so hurt and broken and unlike herself was what pushed him and reminded him that if he wasn’t the one to do this, she’d likely continue to keep it all inside. He knew she wasn’t going to talk to her team about this as they wouldn’t understand nor know how to deal with it and she’d never burden them with her problems after she’d worked so hard to be self sufficient and strong.  

He couldn’t imagine her telling Shizune either as he knew he couldn’t ever discuss something like that with her as the woman would likely fuss over it and make things unintentionally worse by worrying too much. Tsunade would likely get it but her way of dealing with bad memories and nightmares was to drink and he knew Sakura wouldn’t be able to be completely honest with the mentor she so looked up to and worked so hard to make proud.

So the task had fallen to him the night he’d found her crying outside of his tent. When he’d realized that she never would have told anyone else. Somehow he was her confidant, she’d seen in him what she had in herself and he’d seen the same though it pained him to admit it and to see it in her.

She was down to her last two scrolls and he was finished with his, taking care to keep one opened in his hands until she was finished. It was an agonizing few minutes as he thought over his plan again and again.

The noise of her rolling up the scroll and placing it on the chair with a crack of her neck and a pleased sigh was his cue to roll up his own scroll and catch her attention. It worked perfectly, her head turning to look at him as he placed the scroll in a pile and rubbed at his neck with a calm expression.

“That didn’t take too long. Was that all of the scrolls?” He nodded as she looked at the pile she’d made on the corner of his desk. “I don’t know why we need so many requisition forms but apparently the villages still have issues with sharing their supplies.” She tsked and shook her head at the idiocy as Shikamaru laced his fingers together and slid them under his chin. He debated standing for a moment before deciding sitting across from her might make it seem more casual and less like an interrogation when he actually enacted his most intrusive plan ever.

He stood with a casual laziness and a slide of his hand across his hair as he meandered over to the chair across from her and sat down with a gesture towards the desk. “I feel too official sitting behind that thing with all that paperwork.” His comment was rewarded with a short laugh from her.

“So I guess being the Hokage is out then?” He gave her a dry look as she smiled. “Ah well you’d have to compete with Naruto anyways and that’s not something I’d ever want to do.” Her easy smile had him relaxing a bit as she brushed her hair away from her face gently.

He was staring at her now with a focused expression and she was surprised that he seemed to want to initiate a conversation now that the work was finished. Surprised, but not unhappy about it. After all, she’d liked talking with Shikamaru in Konoha, his intellect made their conversations exceedingly enjoyable for her as she never once felt like she had to dumb herself down and could get very in depth with him about difficult topics.

Part of her had assumed he had too much to think about now but maybe she was wrong. He leaned back in the chair as if to get more comfortable and she settled in as well. If they were going to have a conversation, she’d be more than happy to join in.

He hesitated for a moment before deciding to start talking, noticing the way she’d settled in and even leaned her head on her hand to observe him as if waiting for him to speak. “You mentioned earlier that there were two Konohan Chunin on your squadron. Did they work in the Tower?” Sakura thought about it for a moment and shrugged.

“I’d seen them in the Tower before but I don’t recall them working there. I think they were mostly guard detail, probably took some lower ranking missions. I recognized their faces but not their names. The taller one was Asato Soshu and the shorter one was Ibi Shiko.” She wondered why he’d asked as he hummed at her answer. “Why? Did you recognize them?” He shook his head.

“Not really, no but it seemed as if you knew them.” He was watching her intently as she shrugged.

“Before the mission I didn’t know them at all. It was…well when you’re in that sort of situation you tend to get closer to your squadron. At least I do.” Her voice had dropped down at the end but she didn’t look away from him as he decided to push a bit further. She’d given him the perfect segway into talking about her initial squadron and he intended to take it.

“Did you know anyone on your squadron before the mission? I know you were a later addition and you volunteered for it.” He caught that sad and guilty look he’d seen before at the last part of his statement and knew that he was likely on to something.  

“I knew our captain from the Main Encampment. He was from Suna and I’d worked with him briefly when I went there to heal Kankuro and retrieve Gaara. I didn’t know him well but from what I knew he was a good man and a good Jonin.” Her tone was more subdued now and she had dropped her gaze for a moment, her lips forming a thin line as she thought about her former captain.

“It’s hard to lose anyone from a squadron you’re in. It never sits well and it’s never easy.” He kept his words even and honest, appealing to her in the hopes that she’d not change the topic, that she’d continue talking. She gave a small nod in return.

“Yeah it’s not the first time it’s happened but it’s like you said. It never gets easier. Not really.” Her hands were gripping opposing arms now and Shikamaru knew he had to keep the conversation going or she’d pull away.

“You led your squadron out of a situation that most shinobi would not have handled nearly so well and then proceeded to heal an injured member of that squadron and were able to send all of them back today. That’s something you need to consider too Sakura.” She blinked up at him, his words reminded her that yes, she’d saved some lives like she always did but the nagging gnawing feeling in the back of her mind reminded her that they’d still lost more than they’d saved.

“You’re right but it doesn’t negate the others.” He shook his head, his expression firm.

“No and it never will but it’s a part of what we do.” It was a harsh truth and she knew it like a mantra repeating in her head. But somehow it still wasn’t enough.

Shikamaru watched as she clenched her arms a bit harder and then turned back to him with a look that told him she appreciated his attempts to make her feel better but she wanted to change the topic. As swiftly as he could he intercepted. “We don’t need to talk about that now but I am curious about the forwards offensive you were on previously. There wasn’t much information sent to our division other than what Kakashi sent Gaara.” Sakura blinked at the change in topic but accepted it gracefully with an easier expression settling onto her face as she released her death grip on her arms.

“Well where do you want me to start?”

Brown eyes met hers evenly as he kept his expression blank. “The beginning.”


	11. Woman of Many Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh man I am gonna preface this all with an apology for how horribly late this is. Word to the wise, don't get involved in anything, ever. Classes are killer, work is killer, everything takes time and I am just now getting this written. Thank you all for your patience and your support, it is my saving grace in all of this. Please enjoy this chapter and let me know your thoughts as you all so often do! It's a super long one this time to make up for the absence! ♥
> 
> -Sakura and Shikamaru begin to talk  
> -Silence is once again golden  
> -Emotions are trifled with

Sakura took a deep breath and rolled her head to the side, exhaling through her nose as she nodded. “I was initially sent out with Kakashi-sensei and most of the Third Division to help combat the Zetsu clones, and some of the reincarnated shinobi just a little ways over the border to the Land of Fire. I’m sure you heard about that attack. Kakashi-sensei took down the two shinobi, Zabuza and Haku, that we’d faced on our first ever Team 7 mission.” She paused here, rubbing a hand across her brow absentmindedly.

“It was rough fighting. We had a fairly decent amount of Naruto’s clones but it was almost as if the Zetsu clones were never ending. As soon as one was down, another took its place and kept the momentum going. Most of our fighters were engaged with the clones and I was providing as much support as I could, medical and otherwise.”

Shikamaru watched her expressions with scrutiny. He was waiting for something to trigger the odd expressions he’d seen earlier. Anything that could give him a clue as to the possible cause of her nightmares, if there was actually a singular cause. It was his hope that there was, as that would make things much easier.

However, the more he watched her, and the more she spoke, the more he began to wonder if it was simply the war as a whole. If that was the case, then there wouldn’t be much he could do but try and keep her occupied and get her to sleep. If that meant talking, then he’d let her talk, if it meant comforting her, well, he wasn’t good at that.

“The Zetsu clones were easy to destroy with chakra punches but it took a lot out of all of us. It took us all night to drive them back and most of us were running on soldier pills by the end of it.” In that moment her face looked tired, almost as if she had been reliving that exhaustion just by telling her story.

“Were you fighting with anyone else we know?” Shikamaru’s comment brought her head back up from its downwards decline and she nodded.

“Lee and Gai-sensei were with me for a good portion of the time since their Taijutsu skills compliment my own and I was able to use the force of my punches to hide their attacks.”

He said nothing for a moment as he thought it over. There was still nothing that was truly standing out to him. His hopes for a singular answer were dwindling fast.

“After that you were transferred?” Again, she nodded.

 “After that I was rotated back to a few random encampments to aide and engage in some minor skirmishes and then I was back at the main medical encampment and well, the rest of the Third Division were scattered into pockets I guess. So far I’ve only really been involved in one large frontal assault, the first push that the division made.” She shrugged as she leaned back in the chair, watching him stare at her thoughtfully over hands clasped loosely in front of his face.

“It was a standard attack then.” She snorted in response, tossing her head to the side as she did so with a vaguely annoyed expression.

“As standard as it could get seeing as we are fighting clones and dead people.” Her voice sounded harsh now but he understood what she meant.

“This war is cruel in many ways.” A sigh escaped Sakura. She had tilted her head back slightly and momentarily closed her eyes.

“It’s a war. None of us were expecting this to be easy. But we also weren’t expecting to have such…responses brought about out of fighting. This is a whole different kind of fighting. This isn’t a mission where the ones we’re fighting are unfamiliar faces or shadows in the dark. We know our enemies and they are using the bodies of people we care for as puppets to fight against us. Kabuto and Orochimaru’s experiments are crimes against the natural law and any code of ethics ever thought up.” A rage was bubbling under her skin now and her hands had come down to clench the edge of her shirt as if needing to hold onto something to control her strength.

“A medic, a real medic who cared about life and ethics and anything good wouldn’t ever go to the lengths that they have.” Her last words were a hissed whisper as her anger and frustration seemed to stutter and fizzle out so quickly that Shikamaru was left wondering what had happened to her famous temper.

He could tell it was still there, her raw emotions straining under clenched fists and a lick of fire shining in green eyes. The problem was that it was dulled and tinged with a streak of melancholy that cooled and covered it all in a smothering coat. This was what made him lean forwards and catch her attention with a serious gaze.

“Don’t let them get the best of you. You know you’re stronger, and this, all of this, it’s the work of someone with no morals, hatred, and power hungry greed enough to consume them all.” She could see her anger reflected back to her through his brown eyes and it surprised her. It shocked her to the point where she now sat staring in wonder at her friend who seemed to not only be encouraging her, but once again was providing comfort in facts.

“Shikamaru, I think you might be stronger than me now.” The words popped out with such honesty that Shikamaru’s eyes widened perceptibly in a strange sort of confused look. It took him a moment of running over what she could possibly mean before he tsked and shook his head.

“Not by a long shot Sakura. If anything you’re more likely to come out of this twice as strong as I am.”

It wasn’t his words that caused her to become so instantly frustrated, not really. It was the idea that he thought less of himself about anything. _He_ was the one who had comforted _her_ , twice!

She was about to counter this when she stopped as a thought popped into her head. What he’d been doing, comforting her in this strange way and getting himself personally involved, was not normal for him.

Suddenly she began to scrutinize everything they’d been talking about and the pieces began to fall into place. The realization that he was being uncharacteristically attentive only came about after she was reminded of when he had spoken with Ino after Asuma’s death. He had gotten her to open up about how badly the death of Asuma was still affecting her weeks later after all of them had gotten drunk at a bar and Ino had burst into tears.

Sakura had been sober then as she’d just gotten off of a shift at the hospital. She had unintentionally listened in, having been on her way to comfort her crying friend herself. She’d heard Shikamaru calmly talk with Ino about Asuma, about what had been bothering her, in a way that the drunken Ino would have never recognized as a tactic to get her to say something that would let him know how to help her.

That memory was suddenly all too familiar to the situation she now found herself in. The reason he was getting her to talk about her previous attacks while observing her so intently, was because he was trying to find out what was bothering her. He was trying to figure out what was causing her nightmares. Shikamaru of all people! The man who had admitted that he too suffered from the unwanted feelings, memories, and fantastical horrors conjured up by their overactive brains, was trying to fix _her_ problems. The same person who she knew hated people meddling in his life as much, if not more, than she did!

A sudden burst of confidence had her eyes narrowing as she’d finally worked it all out.

“Nara Shikamaru you’re a strong and competent leader, the best brain of our generation and a true strategist. And you are out here doing all of _this_ while now suddenly trying to fix _my_ problems because you’re too good of a friend to ignore them. What were you thinking? Even I don’t know what started this horrible cycle! I’m pretty sure it’s just the war itself. Didn’t we discuss this? Didn’t we decide that neither of us have any clue what is making me, or you for that matter, have nightmares? This isn’t something you’re going to be able to fix. I’ve tried and I wish I could fix it but this is not something _you_ need to worry about. It was enough that you let me talk to you and didn’t leave me outside crying like an idiot in the dark.”

He was stunned as she narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms, remaining seated for the moment though he thought she looked ready to pummel him to the ground. She’d done a complete emotional 180 and it was all because she…oh... she’d figured him out.

There was no doubt in his mind that she was intelligent, he’d known that all along. Though somewhere his brain had conveniently forgotten the possibility that she’d figured out why he was being so interested in her previous combat missions and the precise details involved.

Truthfully he wasn’t sure what had given him away as he’d made sure that what he’d asked seemed like standard curiosity while playing the part of a proxy commander interested in other divisions. She’d seen through it somehow, seen through it all, and now his perfect record of being someone who didn’t meddle, didn’t get involved, was shattered.

The whole thing was exceedingly troublesome and what was worse was he had little to no way to defend himself without denying it and digging himself in deeper. She’d blown holes in all of his escape routes and now he was left staring at her with the knowledge that he was caught and she was not going to let this go.

His first response was to sigh a sigh that spoke volumes of how completely she’d thwarted his plans and how annoyed he was at the knowledge that he’d now have to deal with this. It was all just so troublesome.

So he spoke the truth.

“It was something I had to try. I don’t want to see you not sleeping and not getting enough rest in a war. You’re a medic, you can take care of yourself and I have no right to interfere with that.” His hands rose in his defense at this statement and Sakura found herself nodding her stern agreement until he continued.

 “This, however, this frustrated me, and I couldn’t let it go because I know Ino would chew my ear off for it and I’d be stuck with the knowledge that you are suffering from nightmares and nobody had even tried to help. Even if they had, you’re like me and you wouldn’t let them. If I hadn’t talked to you nobody would have. If I hadn’t woken up and found you outside you wouldn’t have told anyone either. I hate getting involved in other people’s issues but I couldn’t let it go. It just kept bugging me. As you stated, you’re my friend, I had to try. But this is such a drag.” He let go of it all with a drag of his hand across his face, rubbing at his eyes stubbornly as Sakura sat once again practically dumbstruck across from him.

She’d never seen Shikamaru this worked up about anyone, nor heard such a long rant come out of his mouth in a singular flowing strand of honesty the likes of which Ino would be proud of.  And he was worked up about _her_? The whole thing had now thrown her for a loop.

First he gets himself involved, talks to her, definitely thought over the whole plan to get her to open up. Then she finds him out and he _admits_ to not being able to let it go? That it was _bugging_ him? She couldn’t believe it.

A part of her wondered if this was the side of Shikamaru that nobody ever saw. Another part was immediately struck with the realization that he was much more like her than she had initially suspected. She knew he cared about his friends, and deeply, but he was not one to show it. He was a Nara through and through and they operated from the shadows. But she’d discovered him, called him out.  

He was worrying for her and trying to fix her at the expense of himself and his own sleep, on top of his own problems. It was a move that she realized she would definitely pull herself, one that she reluctantly admitted she had actually done before on more than one occasion.

She couldn’t say anything, didn’t know what to say as all of the revelations had stunned her into an awkward silence. Somehow she felt like he was a closer friend than she’d given him credit for and she paled in comparison.

Silently she risked a glance at him with an apologetic look creeping on to her face. She was still frustrated that he’d been forgetting himself in all of this, had been instead focusing on her.

They were also in a war and this was so not the time to be dealing with any of this when the greater good of everyone needed to be thought of above all. They could both function the way they had been. Sakura knew that she could get through this war and fight as strongly as ever while taking sleeping pills every night and just dealing with the nightmares.

They could do that, but something in her told her there had to be another way that would help _both_ of them. A look of complete determination replaced the apologetic stare she’d been attempting to give Shikamaru since he’d hidden his face from view with a hand over his eyes and crease in his brow.

She gained his attention by clearing her throat. He didn’t want to look at her for fear of facing her famous anger, but the lack of fists and the silence told him that what he had said had shocked her into some sort of subdued state.

When he did look at her he was greeted with a determined look that was not malicious in any way but instead appeared as if she’d simply come to a decision about something.

 _“Which still might not be good for me.”_ He waited calmly as she straightened up in her chair.

“I’m sorry I got you involved in this. But you’re right; if you hadn’t found me outside I wouldn’t have told anyone. I’m just not like that. If I have a problem I work to fix it myself, it’s the way I am.” He’d been right about that part. “Like you said, neither of us is good at letting others help nor do we like that. Which is part of the reason why I’m still somewhat frustrated that you were trying to figure out my problems while neglecting yours.” Shikamaru opened his mouth as if to say something but she cut him off with a sigh.

“This is why I think we need to figure out a way to help alleviate some of this for both of us. I don’t think there’s any way to get rid of it all, I’m pretty sure Shishou or Kakashi-sensei would have figured it out by now if there was, but we’ve got to do something or both of us will just keep worrying for no reason.” The tent went silent again as Sakura gave him a steady and somewhat pleading look.

He knew exactly where her mind was headed as his own had caught on the moment she suggested helping both of them. He was not a shrink, nor was he at all good at letting out his emotions or letting anyone in to his private life or thoughts. In fact, every fiber of his being wanted to reject her ideas, to tell her that there wasn’t anything she could say or do that could alleviate the nightmares for him and that he was fine and figuring it out. But doing that would leave her in the lurch and likely drive a wedge in their friendship, a friendship that he found more comfortable than most.

So for her sake he considered it. He ran over all the ways he could talk with her the way he’d suggested after she’d stopped crying in his tent. What he concluded was that he’d have to open up a minimal amount. More than he was comfortable with. Somewhere in his mind he wondered if it was truly such a bad thing. After all, Sakura was someone who he was comfortable around. Someone who matched his intelligence in many ways and wouldn’t sugarcoat issues or complain for no reason.

“This is troublesome.” He muttered as Sakura rolled her eyes and nudged his shin with her foot. He gave her an exasperated look and dropped his shoulders.

“What do you suggest we do then?” Sakura retracted her foot and sighed.

“I don’t really know. The best I can think of is to talk about it. About the nightmares I mean. I know dredging it up in daylight hours in the middle of a war is about the last thing either of us wants, but if it helps at all, it’s worth it.” Her look was so sincere that he looked away, not wanting to disappoint her with the doubt he was hiding behind a serious face.

“So we just talk.” Out of his peripheral vision he watched Sakura shift in her seat and give a small nod.

“Yeah we just, talk.” His wry expression turned back to her as he crossed his arms.

“Easier said than done. You’re welcome to start.” Her look spoke volumes of how much she didn’t find his comment amusing. He merely blinked at her impassively.

“I know that, it’s just, maybe we can do this later? After dinner or something, it feels sort of wrong talking about all of this in the afternoon. We skipped lunch too.” Her change of topic told him her determinedness had diminished slightly upon the realization that she’d actually have to talk about her fears and tormenting dreams out loud.

He let it slide and rubbed at his neck, standing and shoving his other hand into his pocket. “We can go eat now since we haven’t, early dinner or something, and then we’ll talk.” It wasn’t much of a suggestion but the awkward head movement Sakura gave as a response was enough of a confirmation of her agreement on the matter that he simply waited for her to stand before moving to leave the oppressive feelings of the tent.

It wasn’t much better outside, the fog had since receded only to be replaced by a drizzle of rain and a dark low hanging cloud mass that seemed to push everything back down to earth. It was abysmal, to say the least, and neither one of the shinobi now walking silently towards the mess tent liked the feeling.

Sakura felt as if things had once again changed. She still felt like Shikamaru was the one she had needed to initially have calm her down and explain a little bit of what was going on to her. Now, however, she felt like dragging him in to all of it might have caused more problems.

On the one hand, she felt a weird sort of connection to him that had been slowly growing since their friendship had been rekindled by his odd way of caring, despite outwardly condemning the idea that he was involved in any way in anyone else’s life.

On the other hand she bemoaned the loss of comfortable ease that had since been replaced with tension based on the knowledge that both of them would now have to discuss their issues openly due to both of them getting themselves into a mess. He’d cared too much and hated it, she’d cared too much and missed the signs that he was trying to fix things, and they’d both managed to somehow wind up here.

She was so engrossed in her warring thoughts that she barely registered Shikamaru handing her a tray or loading it with the provided food before she found herself sitting across from him with his brown eyes staring at her expectantly. “You’re going to eat right?” Sakura blinked back into focus and noticed that he’d been waiting for her while she’d been staring off into space.

“Ah sorry.” A slight tinge of pink colored her cheeks as she shook it off and picked up her spoon, poking at the bits of carrot floating in her broth.

It fell silent again as Shikamaru continued to watch her for a moment, taking in the way her fingers curled around the spoon and the way she was tapping it on the side of the bowl absentmindedly before raising it to her lips to cool it off. Everything she did was practiced and precise in an odd sort of way. He had seen it in her medical movements, as was expected and likely obvious, but he had also seen it in the way her deceptively small looking hands curled around the edges of scrolls, or spoons.

Delicate and Sakura Haruno didn’t belong in the same sentence together, it did her strength and power a disservice to simply call her delicate in any way. No, she was a force of nature, something powerful and elegant in her own way.

Yet she was human, and this was what made her so interesting. The part of her that was still a normal girl—no, woman. Shikamaru mused slightly on her appearance for a moment thinking that she was indeed a woman now, no part of her was a girl any longer. She was too mature for that. That part of her was the part that shone through when she was at the bedside of a patient, her face calm and soothing as she watched over them or spoke with them in the hushed tones of a medic with bedside experience. He had seen that and even been on the receiving end of that bedside care more than once in his life and that, that is what he remembered in moments when the gentler parts of her, the parts of her that weren’t shinobi but simply human, simply Sakura, slipped through.

Green eyes caught his gaze and held it for a moment, a question swirling in their depths as a single brow raised and he met it with one of his own.

“What?” Sakura’s honest question had him lower his brow and shrug minutely.

“Nothing I was simply thinking.” Sakura huffed slightly as if in amusement.

“When are we not thinking Shikamaru. Especially you. If I remember our previous conversation, thinking seems to be our main issue.” She gestured her spoon in his general direction as he gave her an unamused stare.

“Troublesome woman.” He muttered as she gave him an exasperated sigh even as both felt the mood begin to lighten slightly, a comfortable piece of that old familiarity seeping back across them.

Sakura eased her tense shoulders downwards into a half slouch, allowing her posture to slip back into a more relaxed state. It was stupid of her to be worried about talking to him. This was Shikamaru. He had long since been her friend and was likely privy to more information about her personal life, courtesy of Ino, than she would likely ever know about him.

The rest of the meal passed quietly, neither making any further effort to continue conversation. There would be time for that later. Now there was simply the two of them finishing off an unimpressive meal.

It was when the two had stood to leave, heading towards the tent as they always did when one of them finally spoke again.

“Are you coming back to the command tent?” It was Shikamaru’s quiet voice speaking evenly as dark eyes turned to look at her.

She blinked at him in return, not having expected the silence to be broken with a question. When she wrapped her head around it she answered with a short nod, eyes already darting to peer outside the tent as he raised the flap for her.

“That was my plan, yes.” He gave a low hum in his throat but said nothing more, choosing instead to move towards his tent in silence, knowing talking was what they were going to do. Every moment he could delay that was a moment he cherished.

Unfortunately for him, the walk was a short one and all too soon they were stepping under the flap of his command tent and onto the hard dirt packed floor. It was Sakura who took the lead into the tent, walking and shucking off her heavy flak jacket as she went, choosing to drape it over a chair that she sat in. He watched with silent motions as he copied her move, not noticing her eyes watching him do so.

It was when he was sitting and faced with the decision to look at her that he found himself wanting to stay in that silence and simply not speak. After all, not speaking was easier and silence was a comfort to him. But her green eyes were unwavering and patiently waiting for him to speak.

In fact, her entire posture seemed to suggest that she wanted him to start. Eyes alert and focused on only him, feet uncrossed and pointed in his direction, she was even leaning forwards in her chair as if whatever he was going to say would be riveting to her. Which was the opposite of what he wanted.

After another stretch of silence passed where Shikamaru merely crossed his arms, Sakura rolled her eyes and leaned back with a sigh and a hand running through her pink hair. As usual, she took the initiative with conversation. “Ok so this shouldn’t be this difficult really. We talk about things kind of often nowadays.” Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at this.

“Feel free to start.” His short reply earned him a pointed look from Sakura who crossed and then uncrossed her legs before crossing her arms as well and leaning back in the chair.

“Alright fine. We’ve already kind of talked about the start of the war for us, things that are currently going on, recent things…” She trailed off and screwed up her mouth in a way that brought an endearing sort of feeling to the forefront of Shikamaru’s mind in a way that was completely unbidden and made him wonder where it had come from. As quickly as it came he shoved it aside, face remaining impassive even as he wondered when his perception had shifted to think of her as endearing.

Before he could dwell on this thought, she was speaking again, a sigh proceeding her words. “You know, back in Konoha I always kind of admired how you could manage to look so relaxed most of the time.” Shikamaru’s eyebrow raised slightly. Sakura’s green eyes had shifted to him for a moment, an odd sort of small smile on her face as she continued.

“My emotions show pretty easily as I’m sure you and the entirety of Konoha knows. It gets worse when I’ve been on a long shift or if I’m stressed out and I know it. I was always overworking myself as I am sure Ino mentioned about a million times.” He couldn’t contain the eye roll at that. She was spot on about that one. Sakura herself smiled a bit at his eye roll, having caught it after she had paused. “She was right thought, I spent so much time in that hospital even Shishou commented on it once. I rarely took days off and between that and the missions, well I had almost no time to really shake off the stress. Beyond all that, we knew something was coming and had been for a long time and that somehow made it all seem so much more urgent, more pressured.” Shikamaru’s face had once again slid into a more serious and focused expression. He had had the same feeling before this war, they all had. It had taken a long time for it all to build up and come to a head but the pressure had been there for years, since they were Genin, silently building upon them all.

He leaned forwards slightly now, arms resting on his legs as he listened to her continue. “But that’s why I envied you. Even with all of that you had time to go look at clouds. And I’m not insinuating that that’s a bad thing at all, or that you weren’t stressed or constantly thinking over everything just like I was. We all had a ton of responsibility, but you, well it seemed like you just handled it better than I did. Everyone always said that your family has the innate ability to keep a level head, which I know is completely accurate, to rationalize and think through everything, that’s why you’re the strategists. I can think fast in battle but you’re on a different level entirely. I’ve always admired that in you, ever since we were kids.” Her eyes shone with honesty as they looked over at him, their green capturing his brown and stealing any rational thought he had in that moment. Ironic. The rational Nara stripped of rationality by honesty.

He didn’t know what to do in the face of her admittance of admiration for his intelligence, or anything else she had said. Truth be told, it made him squirm as not much else did. Odd as well as he had before mentioned her merits without feeling the awkwardness. Perhaps not as much as she had done just then, but certainly enough. It was becoming a habit of hers he noticed, to point out things she admired in him or traits she found him to have.

Within moments of all of this flicking through his brain he was looking away from her gaze, a serious look masking his emotions as always.

“It’s a family trait.” The lame response caught her off guard and then subsequently earned him a smile and a snort of laughter that he quietly relished as it dissipated a miniscule amount of the lingering heaviness.

“Yeah that’s kind of my point there Shikamaru.” A warm look had made its way onto her face again. “That’s what I mean though, you have some way of coping with things that I just haven’t found yet. I mean, not everything but a lot. You’ve been through a lot, we all have, but out of all of us, I think you’ve managed to deal with it or at least look at ease. I wear all of my emotions like a sign.” It wasn’t meant in a bad way, he didn’t get the feeling that she was degrading herself then as was his initial thought. No, she was still simply being honest, voicing her thoughts.

“It’s not always a good thing you know. ‘Internalizing is bad for the psyche.’ Or whatever it is they’re telling ANBU nowadays.” It was a lame attempt at deflection and she knew it but it was also an honest point subtly stated. He internalized as much as she did, the difference was their surface emotions, not their internalization of others.

Sakura leaned back now, a nod to this statement but no recognition of the subtle attempted humor involved. She knew him well enough to cut through that and read the underneath. “Well having Sai on my team’s certainly showed me what getting rid of emotions does to someone. It’s not the answer either. And then there’s Naruto, opposite end of the spectrum there and also not a viable option. Somehow we’ve managed to put functionally dysfunctional all into one team. Add in Yamato-taichou and Kakashi-sensei and it’s almost a complete deck of emotional ranges.” Shikamaru nodded at this.

“So there’s a middle ground somewhere.” Sakura nodded, her face taking on a calculating look that he recognized as her analytical face and not her ‘I’m planning something you won’t like’ expression.

“Yes, though it’s not that black or white either obviously. I don’t think anyone’s truly found it, it varies from person to person. Though apparently the range to avoid is ‘too emotionless’ and ‘overly emotional’ or just flat out ‘avoid being too much to handle’. That’s the label we’ll go with.” Her mouth screwed up into a small amused smirk at this as his did as well. Both agreeing that yes, that was the boundaries in which they had to fall. Yet all of this had truly just led them back to square one.

“Internalization is good to a point, emotions are important, this is all very basic human.” The dry look he received from Sakura was warranted he supposed.

The exasperated sigh confirmed it. “Well then we’re screwed. I don’t know about you but I’m fairly certain neither one of us could be classified as ‘basic human.’” This drew out another eye roll from Shikamaru. Though not maliciously meant in the slightest as she well knew.

“And here I was banking on that label.” His humor was taking some getting used to but it never failed to make her smile. Nara Shikamaru being humorous was a new feeling. Not that he never was before, just that it was so dry that often times it fell flat on others. In this situation though she knew he as doing it to further lighten the already better mood.

He was the one who then proceeded to reel back in the conversation despite his previous attempt at humor. “Though Sakura, appearing relaxed is just a part of it. I watch clouds because it allows me to just not think for a little while.” Her eyes shifted back to him, his voice even and smooth as he spoke to her. She took in the way his tired looking eyes watched her, the way his very posture radiated blatant truth as she herself nodded along again.

“Maybe I should try it.” Her voice was softer now, knowing he was relating it back to her previous statements. His head raised minutely at this as he leaned back again.

“Yeah, not here though, it’s not the right place.” Perhaps it was the wrong thing to say. It was not meant as a joke this time. His tone was too honest.

She picked up on it immediately and again, postures shifted as the heaviness began to seep back in like a trickling of water into a still pool.

Her hands toyed with a piece of lint she had located on her pants as her tone too changed. “It’s not the right place for most things Shikamaru.”

The ripples were bigger now as her quiet words brought back the conversations from earlier, the heaviness of the bigger picture beginning to reach their little bubble of calm once more. It was in this that a feeling began to resurface along the ripples of the pool. Riding them like miniature waves hidden as a shadow, they slipped into Shikamaru’s mind and chest and settled like the finest sediment. It was a pull to her in this madness. The little island they had built in the middle of this still pool that was somehow also in the midst of a raging sea full of violence and turbulent waves.

He didn’t know what to do once more. But the way her eyes found his and the way they held onto him made him not want to shake off the sediment, or the sentiments. Again he mused on how she had wormed her way into his personal thoughts and his mind and again, he realized that the more she was here, the more the feelings of ease amongst the unease, of comfort within the uncomfortable had began to appear.

“Sakura…” he began with her name, but ended there too, not knowing what else to say. His mind, whirring and churning with a million thoughts still couldn’t process her. She waited on him for a moment but something made her smile a small smile that caught him off guard and yet managed to pierce and disrupt those ripples in their pool if only for a moment.

“You know, I came here because I wanted to find someone I knew. I hadn’t heard from any of you since I had last seen Ino and I wanted to seek you out. To find you. Because I am selfish in that, the one thing I have been selfish with this entire war. I wanted to find you. And even if that meant I had to go through what I did, I was going to do it. Frankly, that squadron wasn’t meant to have me and if I hadn’t been there, maybe they would have all died, maybe they would have lived. It is fate that decides that, not me. But there are a group of people now alive because I was there, including me. I don’t regret it now. I regret not saying goodbye when I left, but I don’t regret finding you.” Something in her words was powerful, an admission that he felt wash over him in a way that was palpable and raw. A look into her psyche as green eyes that surprisingly held honesty over regret bore into his for what felt like the millionth time. He didn’t know what had prompted her to speak, but she did.

It was the feelings that she didn’t know mixed with the feeling of ease within the uneasy that she found with him, that had made her bring forth a full admission that had partially been given before.

What caused the ripples to now break onto their little island was his realization that somehow, the you in her statements had shifted from the collective to the singular and that by the end, she was talking about him and him alone, and he knew it.

She was silent now, her own mind racing as she realized the depth of her words. She had now admitted to him something that she didn’t know and something she knew, and both were felt deeply within her mind. A flicker of a moment in his own eyes caught hers now.

 _“Well this is certainly talking.”_ The only thought that made sense in her mind in the ringing silence that had begun to stretch around his tent and it was dry like his humor.

It was the lack of overwhelming sadness or guilt that surprised he. Until then, she had felt it as acutely as she now felt the tugging on her chest at the easiness she felt in saying it, the honesty and accuracy of it all. She hadn’t intended the you to shift to him but it felt natural that it had.

Now she looked at him and saw in his eyes a wash of things she couldn’t place. His mouth was set in an awed sort of line, face still maintaining most of the trademark Nara secrecy but tinged with her own words. She took in the way his posture had shifted, arms uncrossed and akimbo as if he had been struck off guard by it all, literally. Without his flak jacket she could see the rise and fall of his chest as she focused on not looking back at those confusing and honest brown eyes focused on her now in the aftermath of the admission that had felt so good.

The awkwardness that would have been expected was now gone, something had chased it off and left them with the comfortable discomfort. Even the heaviness had slightly lifted as if that admission had peeled back yet another layer that had somehow been there like a thin veil over them. It left another part exposed but not vulnerable as it once was, simply visible. Shikamaru didn’t dare move as he stared at her.

But he dared to speak. “Haruno Sakura, it was worth it to be selfish.”


End file.
